XOXO

I have one BM in Florida. She is calling my bridal center with her measurements and payment. I will send her the dress when it comes in and she is going to have it altered by her tailor in Florida. I hope she can make it to my shower, but otherwise I wont see her until the weekend of the wedding

My matron of honor now lives in San Diego and can not afford to travel to NY as often as she'd like before my wedding so she will do as much as she can from there. My other BMs are all in NY (except for one who is in Connecticut but it's only 2 hours away) so they've been helping out too. My Mom pretty much has control over everything and just 'assigns' tasks to the girls as they ask to help. So far it's all been working well.

My best friend (who is my MOH - the one who now lives in SD) got married last November. Pretty much 3/4 of her bridal party was from out of town (Arizona, Bermuda, California, Connecticut, etc) and we all managed to pitch in. I organized her shower and had the girls send me money, etc. One girl asked to be in charge of invitations and she send them out from California.

It can be done so don't panic - just stay organized.

Good luck.

Follow up - Regarding dresses and tuxes.

My friend got all of our measurements and ordered all of our dresses off the internet. She then shipped them to all of the out of towners and they were responsible for getting their alterations done.
Same for the groomsmen - the ones that were out of town sent in their measurements and the tux shop ordered their tuxes. Everything worked out fine (and the tuxes are a lot easier to alter than the dresses anyway).

My MOH is in CA, my other BM is in PA and the other BM and two flower girls are seven hours away upstate. My FH's best man (his brother) is in CA and one of his other groomsmen is in FL. So, it's been really just us planning this! My future sister-in-law is working with my MOH to take care of my shower here, and I'm having a shower upstate with my family and my sister and sister-in-law there are taking care of that. We've done a ton by e-mail. My bridal party just looks at pics, and colors, and my MOH went to try on some dresses in Los Angeles for me.

When we decided what dresses to get, I used RK Bridal for both BM dresses and Flowergirl dresses because they have a 'no-frills' package where the dresses are greatly discounted because they don't have to measure anyone or do alterations. So, the Watters and Watters gowns we first looked at were $240 on their website and $165 at RK. Then, the dresses are shipped directly to the girls and they get alterations wherever they are.

My second oldest sister is moving to Fla. in a few months. She promises that she will be here for the major things. My oldest sis lives in Japan right now and then she might be moving to Thailand so I don't think that she will be here for anything except the wedding I have my youngest sis who is my MOH she is going to be here to help me

well fi and i are out of state ourselves we also have 1 bm in rhode island and one gm in virginia.

i just picked a weekend for us to look at dresses and flew up, my bm drove down and luckily we found a dress that weekend. but we waited until yesterday to order them off netbride. my bm just called me with her measurements that she got done at a bridal shop near her. luckily her parents live in the same town as mine so it's easy for her to come home and help plan stuff.

our gm from virginia actually lives in the same apt. building as fi and i so we can keep him up to speed on things. by the time tuxes roll around we'll probably be in ny so most likely he'll just give us measurements and we'll get his tux. he's already planned to take the 2 days off before the wedding so he can be around for the rehearsal dinner.

it's a pain to plan from out of state (and expensive in airfare) but oh well.

I have two Bridesmaids out of town (one's in FL, the other in SC).

I shipped their dresses to them and they had them altered where they live. I let them buy their own shoes.

Just about all of our BP is out of state!! My FI has noone around - his are in Baltimore, 2 in VA, Illinois, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, and 2 in southern NJ (by Delaware). I have one in NYC, one in Jersey City, my MOH is in LI, and then the rest are from Va Beach, Northern VA, central PA, southern NJ and Jr BM are in FL!

So, I just had them send me measurements - don't have out of state girls order the dresses on their own - you want the dresses to come from the same dye lot! If you're unsure of size, they can be sized at another bridal shop but order them together.

MOH is NJ, and two BM are in Baltimore. To tell you the truth none of them have really helped all that much with the wedding plans. But then again I really didn't expect that much help.

MOH has two young kids, though she did initially go out with me to find wedding dress. And I know she is planning bridal shower.

Two BM are four hours away, though I went down to Baltimore and they tried on BM dresses. And one has volunteered to do the caligraphy for my invites.

They did what they could, and two of them have young kids...

I have one BM in Maryland. She is the best! Anyway, my girls have it real easy - they can wear any black dress they choose, with certain limitations.

As for parties - my MOH (my sister) is throwing my shower, and my Maryland BM will come up for that.

Otherwise, I'm sending a lot of email and making a lot of phone calls.

I found this article on Theknot.com

It says MOH, but I think it applies to all members of the bridal party

FIRST OF ALL, RELAX
The bride chose you because she loves you, and she knows as well as you do that you're not quite a local. So most likely, she's already prepared to cut you some slack. That said, you should definitely do your best to be there for her as much as you possibly can.

WHAT DOES SHE WANT FROM YOU?
Some brides want an honor attendant/personal assistant who'll pick up torn-up vendor contracts and pieces of tulle in their wake. Others could care less if three showers (or even one) are thrown for them, all by you. Figure out what kind of bride you're dealing with, because it will definitely shape your honor-attendant experience. Also, if the two of you talk up front about what she thinks you should do and what you think you can do, you'll avoid assumptions about each other on down the road. Remember -- it's easy to miscommunicate over the miles, so sit down and hammer it all out at the beginning.

BE HONEST
Let the bride know that you'll always be there for her, but that there's probably a limited amount of time you'll be able to be there for her. Decide when you'll be able to fly in -- maybe a wedding-dress shopping weekend, a bridesmaid-dress shopping weekend (the same weekend, if you can swing it!), and a shower weekend, plus getting in several days early for the wedding, for the bachelorette soiree, rehearsal dinner, and to help her get ready for the approaching big day. Let the bride know how many times, and when, you think you're going to be able to get to town. It's important to figure all this out early -- not only will you be able to get better airfares, but you'll avoid saying, 'Just call me when you need me and I'll get on a plane' when the truth is you can't actually do that.

MAKE FRIENDS WITH HER MOM
Since you're far away, it's a good idea to give the bride's mom a call -- she'll be your contact in town. Moms can be great shower-planning buddies! If her mom's not a local either (or she's not available or involved), make one of the bridesmaids there your point person. Whoever your local pal turns out to be, she'll be able to give you the lowdown on how day-to-day wedding planning is going, as well as let you know what the bride's state of mind is like on any given day -- so you'll have your supportive words ready to go when she calls, freaking out.

BE A PHONE BUDDY
Speaking of phone calls -- be prepared to spend hours on the horn with the bride (you do that already anyway, right?). You're the one she's going to call to hem and haw and vent and ***** and moan, so get used to it. Also utilize your email for quick back-and-forths. And don't think you're going to get away with just being the callee: Even if you can't be a part of the hometown planning team, you can help by calling companies to inquire about favors or thank-you notes, or you can confirm services with all the wedding vendors. A month before, and then a week before, you'll call everyone and make sure they've got the right times, places, and other details down. Maybe you can't go down to the florist to check out the pink roses, but you can call to make sure that pink roses are what will surround the altar. And remember -- long-distance phone calls are way cheaper than plane tickets!

GET TO KNOW THE OTHER MAIDS
If you haven't met them yet or aren't friends with them already, call all the other bridesmaids to say hey, and that you're looking forward to meeting them during bridesmaid-dress shopping or at the shower. This will make it easier for you to take charge on wedding day, and it'll show them what a cool girl you are -- so no one will have reason to resent you for not being the one getting dragged to the corner stationer but still having the best title. One tip: Don't vent about the bride to the other maids, or commiserate with their complaints about her. Just listen and be diplomatic; you are the liaison between her and them, even across the miles.

PLAY UP YOUR DAY-OF DUTIES
So you can't be there for all the wedding planning -- just plan to be the honor attendant from heaven on wedding day. (For traditional maid-of-honor duties, check out Maid of Honor: Your Duties in Detail.) Make sure everyone's dressed and ready to roll on time. Help the bride attach her veil. Clasp the groom's ring tightly on your way down the aisle (you'll be able to get rid of it then!). Be nice to the best man even if he's completely annoying. Create the best dang bustled train anyone's ever seen. Tell the band to stop playing the Macarena before the bride bursts into tears.

MAKE IT UP TO HER
What if you can't get to town very often -- and the bridesmaids end up putting on the shower for her? Plan your own celebration. Maybe the bride can take a de-stressing weekend trip out to visit you, when you'll take her out to celebrate. One maid we know took her bride out to Japanese-style afternoon tea and gave her a shower gift then. Not only is a shower for two much less stressful than the regular kind, but you'll get to spend some laid-back, relaxed best-friend time. And isn't that what this maid of honor thing is really all about?