xpost...please give advice girls

heres my story: im catholic and fh is jewish. My family is not at all religious and his family is. they are conservative and very strict in their ways. He has an older brother who does not live here and he married a girl from peru behind his parents backs and they basically disowned him. 3 years his father still will not speak to him. So i did not want to lose FH( we werent engaged at the time) and tried to talk to him about what we were going to do since i was not jewish and he said he didnt know. I decided to convert to make things easier for us and he said we would be able to do what we wanted. well the conversion was a really bad experience for me, i cried everyday and told him i hated it but he couldnt say for sure if we would be able to stay together if i didnt go through with it b/c of his parents. I ended up converting and few months later we were engaged. I did not like being jewish and i wasnt happy with the jewish ways for me. We spoke to his parents many times about it and they knew i was unhappy but always threaten to disown him if he didnt follow their ways. We ended up calling everything off and me moving out b/c i couldnt take it anymore. after 2 months we decided to get back together only if i would no longer be jewish and we do everything both ways, like the wedding, house, kids etc. Now he just has to speak to his family. Bottom line is that they are going to flip and disown him and now he is stuck choosing b/n me and them and i dont know what to do. I just cant live a fake life. I want to celebrate both of our cultures and live our lives celebrating all holdiays. We have tried to compromise with them in so many ways and it just doesnt work. now i am waiting for him to speak to them and i know its hard for him but its been over 2 years and he still cant go do it. That makes me feel like crap, i feel like he cant stand up for me. and now we cant rebook our hall b/c it was so expensive and his parents were going to help us a little and now they surely wont and we cant book any other hall b/c im sure almost all of his family wont come to the wedding and that is so terrible to him! i just hate this and dont know what to do!
and now i am upset that he is taking so long to talk to them!

I am so so sorry you are going through this. Religion is a BIG factor in many relationships I think. The world has become so liberal to interfaith marriages, but some of the families have not caught up. I myself am dealing with my family. I chose not to stay active in their religion, and my FH is Catholic. My parents would not come if their is any tidbit of religion in the ceremony. Def. would not come if getting married in a church. My mom is 'trying' to be happy, but really takes little to no part in the wedding plans. I am doing okay with that, but it's hard not to have aprental approval, thats what all of us want you know. What makes it really hard is my FH is a huge family person, and although my mom cares for him, he is not getting the open arm response that he would love, and it's very very difficult.
I hope things work out for you, and I hope it does not put too much strain on your relationship with your FH, marriage is hard enough. Hang in there, and make every decision with care. Good luck

i'm so sorry you're going through this. What if you were to talk to his parents yourself? I'm sure they'll probably appreciate you taking the time and showing concern and how much you love FH and that he has followed their wishes, but itsnot fair to you. Tell them how if the table had been turned how would they feel. You arent going to just raise your children catholic, it'll be both and I think that should be great.

Fh is catholic and I'm christian orthodox and we can't get married in each other's churches unless we sign that we would raise children catholic according to catholic church, and orthodox according to mine. So we're going to choose a different church and have an interfaith ceremony. Both parents were fine with that, they just want us to be happy.

I understand how difficult this is for you both, I am a child of parents who went through a similar situation.

I never knew my mothers parents because of it and to tell you the truth, I never missed them either. But I know it hurt my mother tremendously.

Just from the information in your post, it appears your FH is avoiding the situation and dragging you along for the ride. Although it is almost an impossible decision to make, he has to do it - and hes had 2 years. Let him know you understand the severity of the issue, but you can no longer put your life on hold. Ask him what you can do to help him through this time.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. The reason his parents most likely have such a problem with their son marrying you (a non-Jew) is because Judaism is based on matriarchal lineage (thus your children would be considered Christian/Catholic based on their way of lineage - since you are Christian/Catholic).

With that being said, you need to be true to who you are and practice the religion that fulfills you. Your FH fell in love with you for who you are, and not based on your religion. Your FH needs to discuss your decision with his parents - and let them know that although you want to remain Christian, you both want to raise your children in both faiths and have both faiths reflected in your ceremony. I'm sure they won't be happy, but if you guys are open and discuss things with them openly/honestly, hopefully if you give them some time they will realize that supporting their son's happiness is more important than any religious affiliations. Good luck