your opinion please..

my mom is hosting a family meet and greet for us.. a small immediate family only eparty.. i INSIST on keeping the cost down.. i told fh that it's immediate family ONLY.. he invites bou 25 people. so we went through his list..'

he had his deceased cousin's ex wife up there.. okay dude... she's not immediate family.. he goes she's my first cousin. so i told him NO she's ur deceased cousin's EX wife whom u haven't seen since BEFORE he died on 9/11. scratch her off the list.

he adds his fathers' best friend? What? uh how is u'r fathers best friend part of u'r immediate family?

so i specifiy. add ONLY those people who u see on a regular basis.. those who u will go visit on Christmas morning..

good.. got his list down to bout 12 people.. one pair can't make it. so he substitutes with an aunt and uncle.. from NORTH CAROLINA!!

now am i wrong to think he may be trying to fill people in so my family doesn't completely outnumber his? i have over 30 people in my immediate family... that will be there.. to his possible 10..

I know that in my family blood has never made you immediate family. My aunts family(she is my fathers brothers ex wife)has always been considered immediate family to us. My dad had friends who were so close to us that we called them aunt and uncle so they were always considered in our immediate family and then there are blood relatives that I invite to nothing so I understand where your coming from because things may be different in your family but dont forget to be considerate to his feelings on the topic and Im sure you guys will come up with a solution. Have a great party

To me, immediate family means parents and siblings only... not everyone in the world.

ETA - In my family, I happen to be VERY close to my first cousins and my aunts/uncles... but in this situation, I wouldn't invite them to such an event. This should really be for the parents to meet each other and maybe the siblings, right?

Why don't you and your FH make up the list together.

well here is the thing though, most of my immediate family is not here, just an aunt, uncle and 2 cousins...My parents has close friends that i grew up with and consider family...my mom's best friend i am closer to than any family member i do have and I couldn't imagine her not being there, when FH's family invited us over for dinner i invited her too and she came dress shopping with us too.

Normally i would say you're right but if you say you are having 30 people and he has about 10 then its only fair...otherwise sorry to say but its not fair. See FH's family outnumbers my family by ALOT, he has about 30 first cousins and most are married, plus his dad has 7 brothers and sisters and his mom has 2 sisters. If we would've made our e-party just close family then the only people on my side would've been my parents, my uncle, not even my aunt bc shes out of the country and my 2 cousins, i would've really felt like this party was just for them then and would've wanted people i love and am close too also to be there for me, not a party for just FH and his family. I would've felt like hmmmm ok i am attending YOUR party and not like it was even mine...so i say let him invite a few more people

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Posted by rkl1130

Both FH and I have huge families. I, however, am close to almost all of them and FH is not the same with his family. For our meet and greet, we actually only did a small dinner with our parents and siblings so as to avoid the whole whos is considered close/immediate situation.

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i agree with this suggestion, it is better off and let the parents really get to know eachother...Our parents have met a couple of times but the first time they met it was at a restaurant and only me, FH, his parents, my parents, his brother and bro's gf

Since your family outnumbers his by so many, what about making a number limit instead of a proximity limit? That way he gets to invite people (like his Father's best freind) who he is close to but don't meet the immediate family rule.

I have a huge family also, I'm one of 7 (my parents are also from large families), it adds up quickly, I understand, FH is one of 5 but he only has 1 Aunt and no cousins - to his family mine seems huge and overwhelming, we don't stick to the immediate family rule on his side, just so his family can be comfortable having enough familiar faces around them.

HTH :)

Family is what you make it... for some people, friends are family.

This is a sticky situation, but I would strongly discourage reducing your FH's list to 10 while yours is at 30. My FH's family is bigger than mine, but we ended up with around the same #'s in our guest lists because I have a lot of close family friends.
I think it is unfair to tell him that only immediate family is allowed when his immediate family may be very small, or he may not be close to them. You don't want to get things off on the wrong foot, especially with future in-laws who might feel like your family is more important than the important people in FH's life. This is just my opinion - as you requested!

thanks ladies for the replies.. thing is my mom is footing the bill and i am trying my hardest NOT to put her out.. . i'm not trying to have only my family there, i know that would be awkard.. but fh wants to invite people who he hasn't seen in some 10 odd years!! like his cousins ex wife.. he tells me he saw her recently at his grandfathers funeral so i asked him when was the last time we saw her before that.. it was in 2001.. right after 9/11. has he spoken to her since then.. nope.. has his parents been in contact with her .... nope.


i dunno.. i' hate the idea of my mom paying to feed random people who are not his immediate family and no one in his family has seen in forever.. and who we will not see again for freaking ever.. i'd rather him invite his boys..

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Posted by iwannabmrsD

thanks ladies for the replies.. thing is my mom is footing the bill and i am trying my hardest NOT to put her out.. . i'm not trying to have only my family there, i know that would be awkard.. but fh wants to invite people who he hasn't seen in some 10 odd years!! like his cousins ex wife.. he tells me he saw her recently at his grandfathers funeral so i asked him when was the last time we saw her before that.. it was in 2001.. right after 9/11. has he spoken to her since then.. nope.. has his parents been in contact with her .... nope.


i dunno.. i' hate the idea of my mom paying to feed random people who are not his immediate family and no one in his family has seen in forever.. and who we will not see again for freaking ever.. i'd rather him invite his boys..

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well what about paying for his 10 extra ppl yourself or telling him to. And again she did offer and it can't be an offer that is extended just to your guests, it should be something that included him too, if anything set a limit such as 40-50 guests and then split that in half , you 20 guests and him 20 guests or 25 each.

Obviously this is bothering him and let me just tell you now at one point i got into a big fight about this and said 'you know what how about you send me an invitation to YOUR party' and i was paying for alot of it too so made it worse.