I need advice

I found out that my ex-husband has passed away. Alot of you know the history behind me and my ex. He never apologized to me for anything he did. Do I go to the wake? I dont want to because that I would feel like why should I go and pay my respects to someone who didnt respect me. Also How do I tell his sister that I am not going? She told me that she will call me with details.

Actually I am kinda mad that he died without ever apologizing or make amends to me!

Hmmmmm. Tough one. If it were me, I would go. Not necessarily to pay respect, just for personal closure to a true end of an era. If that makes sense in any way to you.

But if you don't want to go, don't. You don't owe his sister crap. She can leave you a message with funeral/wake details and you don't have to answer nor respond.

This whole situation is a very personal decision and no matter what you chose, it will be the right thing to do for you.

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Posted by CarolAnn721


But if you don't want to go, don't. You don't owe his sister crap. She can leave you a message with funeral/wake details and you don't have to answer nor respond.

This whole situation is a very personal decision and no matter what you chose, it will be the right thing to do for you.

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I agree with this! Dont feel bad about whatever decision you make. If you do decide to go, it should be for closure for YOU, not necessarily to pay respects to the family. I'm sorry you're dealing with this!

I agree that this decision is a very personal one. Im sorry you never got closure as far as an apology but you do not owe anyone anything. Dont be stressed about what his sister will think, or what anyone would think.

Personally, I would not go. There is no reason to go. Like you said, he disrespected you. You did not split on amicable terms. You have a new life, a new husband .. this is the end to a chapter in your life that you do not have to relive by going.


ETA:

Let me add that while I do agree that harboring resentment is unhealthy, going to the wake will not be the closure you are looking for. Closure would have come with an apology as that is seemingly what your issue is. There's no getting that now. So don't put unneccessary pressure on yourself into thinking that this will be what you need. The closure for you now is knowing that you met a man who loves you and respects you and will protect you from ever feeling the way your ex made you feel. Do what you feel is right for you, not anyone else.

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Posted by SoontobeMrs.Brown

I agree that this decision is a very personal one. Im sorry you never got closure as far as an apology but you do not owe anyone anything. Dont be stressed about what his sister will think, or what anyone would think.

Personally, I would not go. There is no reason to go. Like you said, he disrespected you. You did not split on amicable terms. You have a new life, a new husband .. this is the end to a chapter in your life that you do not have to relive by going.

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Totally agree with this. Sorry you have to deal with this

This is a hard one.

Personally I do think I would go. However, if you feel like this will bring you some type of closure, then you do what you have to. You DO NOT need to explain yourself to his family. This is your decision.

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Posted by CarolAnn721

Hmmmmm. Tough one. If it were me, I would go. Not necessarily to pay respect, just for personal closure to a true end of an era. If that makes sense in any way to you.

But if you don't want to go, don't. You don't owe his sister crap. She can leave you a message with funeral/wake details and you don't have to answer nor respond.

This whole situation is a very personal decision and no matter what you chose, it will be the right thing to do for you.

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I agree, I would go to pay respects to the good times - but if you decide not to go - don't feel bad. Attending funerals/wakes is a very personal decision. Sometimes you go to support someone going through it. Sometimes you go to pay respects to someone you were very close with when they passed. Sometimes you go to pay respects to someone who used to be in your life but has since moved on to other things. You have to make the decision for yourself - in the end it's your feelings that matter the most.

First to you since wow, this is a tough one.

Like some others said, if you do decide to go it should be for you - maybe as a final goodbye and closure from that time in your life.

You are married, have a beautiful puppy - but in the end you have to be comfortable with whatever decision you make.

Don't take his sister or anyone else into consideration - you do what you feel is right.

Either way it will be the right choice...

Thanks girls!
I spoke with Jerry about this and he does not think I should go. He said the same thing about what he did to me and how I didnt want to see him when he was alive- why should I see him when he is dead.

But it is something that I have to think about.

I don't want you to go.

He stripped you of everything you had and drained you, emotionally and physically.

You've left that life and entered a new and happy one. Why go back?

That being said, if I was in your situation, I might go to the wake, but I don't know.

Actually, I'm very confused about this entire situation. On the one hand, you've moved on and he's been dead to you for years. On the other, he was a human being that you shared your life with for a few years and now he's gone. Would it be closure for you to see him in his casket? Maybe. Would it make you feel better? Probably not.

I don't know that you'd get so much closure out of going.

You also don't owe a damn thing to his sister/family. Ultimately, this is about you and how YOU feel about him.

Maybe going would prove that this stage of your life is FINALLY OVER.

I'm no help.