My pastor is very young and has only performed a few ceremonies. I do not want a traditional ceremony but he is kind of lost when I am telling him what I want included. I want everything to be perfect for this special day and I am not sure how to put everything together. I asked a wedding planner in my area to look at what I have and make a time line of where everything went and how it was to be done and she quoted $150 to do this. The Pastor wrote out what he wants to say but we want verses added he doesn't have in and he wants us to use traditional vows but we want to use our own but he still wants us to use the traditional vows along with ours which is not right. I want to use the family unity candle and the rose ceremony. Can the family unity lighting be done before the ceremony starts? We both have children from previous marriages and want them to be a part of the ceremony. Any help anyone could provide would be helpful.
Historical Chapel
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Re: Ceremony help needed
You have forum mail!
Captain Arnold (Chaplain)
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You have FM.
Capt. A
Church of Ancient Ways
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Hello, I'm so sorry to hear the frustration of this post. But I'm so glad that you are asking these questions. This is not a FM because some of this information may be helpful to other Brides.
The disadvantage to a regular church ceremony as opposed to one at the hall or secular location is that church rules must be followed. Perhaps some of your Pastor's reluctance is that he has church guidelines to stay with in. If you can get a clear idea of what these are from him then the more likely it will be that you can present him with a draft that he can use.
The saying a short traditional repeat in combination with an original vow actually works very nicely. It lets you put the ring on half way say the lines and then slide it into place. This in turn makes for better photo opportunities. Why? Because everyone is nervous, their fingers are usually swollen, and when they try to slide the ring on in one motion it doesn't just slip right on.... and this leads to the scrunching up of your faces. This is why I like the 2 part vow. It lets everyone get a few shots of the ring going on at the real moment rather than having to re-stage it later. (For ceremony and reception in the same place brides, little things like this will hopefully give you a better chance of seeing some of your cocktail hour.) The other thing to remember here is the legal aspect of the vow. The witnesses are signing the license as having heard you state that you take one another as 'husband and wife'. Your officiant is signing that you have entered into a marriage by stating to him that you take one another to be 'husband and wife'. Getting the requirements of New York State out of the way in a traditional vow does allow you more freedom in your personal vow.
'Can the family candle be lit before the ceremony starts?' This question is hard to answer without knowing the restrictions that your Pastor is working with. If you can enter and do the lighting right away, as it sounds like you wish to do, the symbolism is perfectly valid as forshaddowing all that is about to take place. At the end of the ceremony it is a visual metaphor and celebration of that which has just occurred. Two sides to the same coin.
I hope this has been helpful, even with all the variables. Even with the compromises I have no doubt that you will settle for no less than beautiful for your special day. Feel free to call me if there is anything else that I can be of assistance with.
L. & L. Pastor April http://www.churchofancientways.org 516-785-4191
