Hi there. I am a regular poster on these boards, however I changed my screenname so that I could write this post and not have my friends or family members know how I was feeling.
Is it only me, or is anyone else having serious doubts about marrying their fiancee??? We live together and I am so fed up with him and his ways, I just can't see myself ever being happy. I am under tremendous stress right now and my doubts are not helping matters. I don't know what to do. I feel like I have invested soo much into this relationship, but why get married if it's going to end up in a divorce?
HELP! I have no idea what to do. Our wedding is in 5 months and we have alredy put down many deposits for things. I have my dress and veil, the bridesmaids have theirs, we have paid almost $3000 towards our reception, we bought the favors and have paid for some of the DJ and photographer also. If I were to cancel the wedding, would I get ANY of this money back? Plus, how would I tell my family?? I would be so humiliated. Please write back with your words of wisdom. :(
Long Island Invitations
Posted:
Member since
HAVING DOUBTS...
A divorce will cost much more money, stress and heartache! When I married my husband the only thing that bothered me about him was that he snored, now after 8 years there are of course more things and I 'm sure his list is quite long also! If you have problems before marriage, getting married won't solve your problems you'll only find more. That's why I believe in living together first (even though I didn't I should have)This is a decision you have to make, people do it everyday, I just cancelled an invitation order because the bride was unsure and her mom was happy she made that decision instead of making a mistake. It is all up to you, you can have a beautiful wedding in the future and marry someone who sweeps you off your feet, don't do it to please others, think about yourself and your fiance. Good Luck!
Church of Ancient Ways
Posted:
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HAVING DOUBTS...
I`m so sorry, this is so hard because there are no hard and fast answers when it comes to the matters of the heart. Yet if you know in your heart that this is wrong then you already know what you must do. But if you are unsure of what is real and what it stress and fear based then it`s a matter of sorting it all out. Have you considered going to talk to a professional together? Does your FH know you feel this way? You`re not the only one who goes through these feelings. We humans are so resistant to change and this will be a whole new phase of your life. Have you considered 2003 instead with the provision that the things that need to be worked out are? I`m sure you wouldn`t lose as much money in a change of date. But remember it`s only money, this is your life. We're talking about getting on the wrong train or missing the right one. This is a decision that will dictate your future. I`m sure your family loves you very much and their only hope is for your happiness. Please try not to worry too much about hurting them in this. They would be more hurt to think you were unhappy due to a fear of telling them. Then there is also the possibility that this is all reactionary and you will settle down, the question is are your differences major life issues or do they just feel like that now? All the answers are somewhere within you. I will light a candle that you not only find them but for your peace and happiness.
L&L, April
Wild Rose Video
Posted:
Member since
HAVING DOUBTS...
Hi unsurebride,
While I read your post I saw my life flash in front of me. I've been married twice. The first time was at the age of 19. My mom, my sister, my dad everyone told me to turn back.....DON'T DO IT!
I was stubborn and wanted to follow up with my 'YES' answer....I also felt bad for my parents, spending all that money and the guests...
But I, also at 19, did not have a clue what I was up against. I should have walked away.
I spent 10 years being so unhappily married to this man. Every year got worse and worse. The foundation was already rotten.
What I'm trying to say is.....don't worry about the money, the guests, anybody else. You will be spending your life with this person.....no one else. Then if you have children, it gets harder and harder. I had children. I was lucky that God gave me a second chance with my current husband.....who is my soulmate!
Do speak to someone, collect all of your thoughts and then don't be afraid to make a decision.
Life will go on. People will forget. You'll be happy again. There is someone out there for everyone. You might realize that you truly do want to spend the rest of your life with him.
Make sure it's YOUR decision.
You can email me at [email protected] anytime you feel like getting things off your chest.
I don't even have to know who you are....I will keep you in my prayers.
Marie
Angelica Studios
Posted:
Member since
HAVING DOUBTS...
I think of preparation for a wedding as an exploration of the issues that you'll face in marriage. Many people wonder about why to spend so much time, money and effort into a wedding that 'only lasts one day.' I don't think of it that way. I think of it as a way to see if the marriage will work. Living together sure does help in the process, but the stress of planning a wedding can be quite intense, and that is when you get to see more clearly what you're up against and who you're with.
By all means examine your own feelings and make the expectations of others secondary. The suggestion to wait a year if you're unsure is a good one because you're likely not to lose those deposits.
There are many ways to explore these issues, but ultimately it's your karma and your life and your decision. The best way is to keep exploring that gut feeling.
I've actually been married three times (I'm 50, so I've had some time to do this) and I can honestly say that all three were right for that time. I don't regret any and don't think of the first two as 'mistakes.' I've learned and grown from each experience and have good relationships with the first two (as they all do with each other.)
Good luck!
Dawn's Honeymoon Specialists
Posted:
Member since
HAVING DOUBTS...
There is a book that I have called The Secret to Family Happiness. The first four chapters are titled 'Is there a secret to family hapiness', 'Preparing for a successful marriage', 'Two keys to a lsating marriage', and the fourth is 'How can you manage a household?'
I would love to send it to you (no charge, I just pray that you read it) email me at my personal email [email protected]
My wife of three years was engaged and decided not to marry her first fiancee` I am glad she thought twice about it. You owe it to yourself to think long and hard about this to make certain you make the right decision. Our thoughts and are with you.
Jacqueline Nicole Cosmetics
Posted:
Member since
HAVING DOUBTS...
Love is not always perfect as you already know, however you should be 100% sure before entering a lifetime commitment with your fiance. I know you are both busy with school and work and perhaps that is the biggest contributing factor to your unhappiness. You should consider putting off the wedding for a little bit and really talking things through with your future husband. Unfortunately, people divorce as easily as they marry these days and that is alot more costly emotionally and monetarily then losing deposits. I am sure that the love is still there, sometimes in the hectic shuffle of everyday life it just isn't always acknowledged. Be strong and follow your instincts, you have to live your life for yourself and nobody else. Remember nobody is going to look down on you for doing the right thing!!! Good luck to you sweetie.
Photos of the Heart
Posted:
Member since
HAVING DOUBTS...
Your concern is an indicator you should listen to. Postponing plans makes sense. B and Gs don't lose their deposits with postponements with us. More important....is your lives for the future.
I am from the old school and do not believe in divorce. I mean this in the sense that I don't
believe in considering divorce when getting married. (Yes, unexpected things can happen, and sometimes divorce might be the only answer..but this should not be in the mind's of a B & G before entering a marriage or it will often become a self-fullfilling -prophecy.)
My advice comes only from two truths:
1. I'm one of the luckiest men on earth because I am married to one of the most beautiful women
(outside and inside) on earth. We have been married 35 years.When I first married I felt only death would separate us...after 35 years I am even more sure of this.(One of our greatest joys in life is photographing weddings for Bride and Grooms who feel the same way we do.) Deciding to marry was the only thing I was not unsure of that I can remember.
You can't always control your health, financial and career situation,relatives and friends, world situations, etc. But you can control who you marry
and how you treat the person you marry.
2. The second truth I know is that every friend we can remember who expressed doubts before wedlock, later divorced.
