feeling a little upset today.
I'm sorry this is kinda long, not really looking for advice, just looking to put it out there. I just feel so hurt by my family right now and I don't know how to calm down at the moment. And right now, I can't confront a family member about this because they'll all think I'm being 'hormonal'. All I want is to be informed of things when they happen and let me make my own decisions off that.
My uncle ended up passing saturday night. I knew when I signed onto facebook at 11 at night and almost all my cousins changed there profile picture to him. No one wrote anything so I didn't know exactly what happened, I figured I'd get a phone call in the morning.
8am Sunday, my mom calls me, and tells me my uncle died in his sleep. (he had cancer that was terminal so I knew it was coming). I asked her if they wanted me and DH to change our plans to come with them that day. I had mentioned we were driving DH's parents up to westchester but they were staying in the city with BIL so we were coming back by ourselves. My mom and dad's exact words were 'No, that's ok, don't worry, Derek's parents are getting old and you should drive them'. (not entirely true, we just carpool to save gas, but whatever). I said ok, to call me later and let me know the plans for arrangements so DH can work out his schedule for the week.
9pm at night, I get a text from my cousin saying she 'missed me and baby tadpole at the wake'. I'm thinking to myself, what wake, did someone else die? No. I call my mom and she told me that the funeral home told my Aunt and grandma that they can have the body ready that day because family from out of town were here. They said they didn't call me because they didn't want to 'ruin my day'. Um, last I checked, I'm an adult and make my own decisions, since when is it ok that they can make decisions for me by not telling me when things are. I felt like an a-hole when my cousin text me and I knew nothing.
My day was already ruined from knowing and also being with ILs all day (it's getting to be a bit much to always be with them). They should have called me, Dh and I could have made it to the 7pm wake, we were only and hour and half away. They said my grandma told them not to call me, which is just down right mean in my opinion. They thought I'd be to 'emotional' to handle it with the baby and all. Really? I think I would have been fine....long term knowledge that someone will die sits with me a little better than sudden deaths, i already said my goodbyes to him a while ago and I'm a big girl to know that death is a part of life, it's sad, but it's life.
This has been the case; it's like pulling teeth to get my parents to make plans of any sorts; it's always last minute and then they expect me and DH to pull strings and make arrangements. I asked them 2 weeks ago about Mother's Day plans because I told DH we never do anything with MY family. I'm getting so tired and also, very hurt, by the lack of communication in my family. Then they'll all talk behind my back and say we do everything with the ILs. Well, I mean was I going to sit around and wait for plans to be made? No. And it's only going to get more complicated when the baby comes. I don't do things last minute; that's just the way I work and if no one likes it, when then I guess they'll just see less of me.
