Pre Cana Night #4

Okay so I don't know if you guys actually care about all this but I started to post about every night so I figured I would continue.

First half: we discussed decision making in our marriage and how we should talk about things BEFORE we get married. Interesting stuff. They gave us some stuff to talk about IN PRIVATE never in front of the class. And it was all stuff that we had talked about before but it was nice to know we were still on the same page.
Questions like:
What if I get pregnant before we are ready?
What if we CAN'T get pregnant?
What if we have a handicapped child?
etc.
This was important for me because if GOD FORBID anything happens to my sister - I will become hte legal guardian for my nephew who is autistic. Actually after Anthony proposed I asked two questions: 'Did you ask my dad first' and 'I am the legal guardian for Carlton if anything should happen'.

Okay so that was fine.
Second half: This is the part I have been dreading. We really haven't spoken about religion in all these classes. But they really went off on birth control. Basically, most birth control is considered abortive ( besides barrier methods) and ALL bc is against the church. Which is fine and I knew that. But then it was like BC causes all these things and may make you infertile ( what are the chances!) and it is a sin!

Then we discovered it is a sin to even actively try NOT to get pregnant. We arent even supposed to wait until a time when we think that we would be able to provide for baby!

And the only option? Taking my temperature and checking my mucous levels and putting it on a calendar for the rest of my life!!!

So I know this is the view of the church - but it just upset me. I mean, we can't have children right away - it just wouldnt be fair to them! I know we are making the right decision but I still cried last night because I feel so guilty about it.

Well, hopefully next week is better - Overall, I still like precana - and our couple is AWESOME they just have to tell us about the church's views and I get that.

you just completely scared me ... ... i am not a hardcore catholic and FH isnt even Catholic i am sure i am going to get an earful after we attend Precana classes ... i am going to have to warn him to shut his mouth and just nod ...

well im not on BC (shock) and i understand SOME of what the church says. But dont let it get you down. matilde, u are going to go to hell for far worse things then BC! haha im jk...and u kno that.

im sure God thinks that some of his decisions way back then are old-school and if he could change his rules along with the times he would and im sure he understands that most of us do not want to bring a child into this world until we are sure we can provide the best life for them.

does that make sense? or did i ramble.

THANKS LADIES!

I completely understand WHY the church is against BC. I always knew that ( of course ). So, I was surprised that it bothered me so much hearing it in pre-cana.

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Posted by ant n tilde

Okay so I don't know if you guys actually care about all this but I started to post about every night so I figured I would continue.

First half: we discussed decision making in our marriage and how we should talk about things BEFORE we get married. Interesting stuff. They gave us some stuff to talk about IN PRIVATE never in front of the class. And it was all stuff that we had talked about before but it was nice to know we were still on the same page.
Questions like:
What if I get pregnant before we are ready?
What if we CAN'T get pregnant?
What if we have a handicapped child?
etc.
This was important for me because if GOD FORBID anything happens to my sister - I will become hte legal guardian for my nephew who is autistic. Actually after Anthony proposed I asked two questions: 'Did you ask my dad first' and 'I am the legal guardian for Carlton if anything should happen'.

Okay so that was fine.
Second half: This is the part I have been dreading. We really haven't spoken about religion in all these classes. But they really went off on birth control. Basically, most birth control is considered abortive ( besides barrier methods) and ALL bc is against the church. Which is fine and I knew that. But then it was like BC causes all these things and may make you infertile ( what are the chances!) and it is a sin!

Then we discovered it is a sin to even actively try NOT to get pregnant. We arent even supposed to wait until a time when we think that we would be able to provide for baby!

And the only option? Taking my temperature and checking my mucous levels and putting it on a calendar for the rest of my life!!!

So I know this is the view of the church - but it just upset me. I mean, we can't have children right away - it just wouldnt be fair to them! I know we are making the right decision but I still cried last night because I feel so guilty about it.

Well, hopefully next week is better - Overall, I still like precana - and our couple is AWESOME they just have to tell us about the church's views and I get that.

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thank you so much for the warning. FH and I have ours this weekend. i'll be prepared now.

Im sure it was very hard hearing their views on BC, its difficult to hear someone else say it to you

Are you on BC?
if so did you feel like they knew you were?

i have been on bc for 6 years and I will stay on it until we are ready to have kids.

I just smiled and nodded so I dont think they have any idea but the other girls seemed REALLY into it . . . i guess they agreed with it OR they were good actresses I thought FH was going to say something but he didn't!

Funny story: thirty years ago when FILs were in precana, FFIL stood up during the bc part and said 'OH WOW the church is going to pay for all our babies - start writing out the checks!' it really got him angry and he still remembers it to this day! So does FMIL bc she was mortified!

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Posted by ant n tilde

i have been on bc for 6 years and I will stay on it until we are ready to have kids.

I just smiled and nodded so I dont think they have any idea but the other girls seemed REALLY into it . . . i guess they agreed with it OR they were good actresses I thought FH was going to say something but he didn't!

Funny story: thirty years ago when FILs were in precana, FFIL stood up during the bc part and said 'OH WOW the church is going to pay for all our babies - start writing out the checks!' it really got him angry and he still remembers it to this day! So does FMIL bc she was mortified!

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That is something i would say lol
Its definately true and he does have a point and that was 30 years ago,

Just so you know, I love reading your pre-cana stories

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Posted by FutureMrsRice

Just so you know, I love reading your pre-cana stories

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I like reading her stories too!

You have to do what you believe is best.

I know of people that used the Natural Family Planning method and she is now pregnant with the honeymoon baby. So she has to drop out of college, she doesnt work, they have no money and a 1BR apartment. So the whole temp./mucus thing - yeah I don't think its that great.

Edited because I type too fast and leave out words

i dont think the church has upsated their beliefs in about 100 years - with the way things are today, i think it would be more of a sin to bring a child into the world to parents who are not ready (mentally, financially, whatever) than to just hold off on it for a while (does that make sense??)

and it just sounds way to gross to have a calendar that tracks your temperature and mucous - eww

thanks so much for sharing...we are taking our FOCUS exams this weekend, goin over them next weekend and then starting pre-cana a week later and I am nervous as to what to expect.

thanks for your responses!

It was hard anough having to hear about what a sin BC is . . .but it was just too much for me to hear that it causes infertility! I mean, of course I am sure there are cases where that is true. But it was presented as almost a common side effect!

i disagree with the churches opinion on BC too!!!

The problem is they believe 'Sex' is only for procreation, i guess we should have it if we dont want to have a kid... hehe

When my parents were getting married they priest asked them about having children and said that they are not supposed to use BC etc.. something like that my dad told the priest that he would have as many children then as the priest wanted, as long ad the church paid..

(side note: when my parents when to meet with the church, my parents were babysitting my cousin and had to bring her along.. my parents said the priest was so rude to them, UNTIL he found out it was my moms neice then he finally said 'oh what a beautiful baby' - my parents walked out and got married somewhere else)

I believe in God but there are so many things within the church I do not believe in. Unfortunetly the world adjusts to changing times and progess.. the church is still stuck in the past!


ETA: TILDE I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL AFTER I WROTE WHAT MY DAD SAID THAT YOUR FFIL DID THE SAME THING.. I THINK THEY SHOULD HANG OUT!!!!

luckily, we did the saturday one day class-

i am not a religous person, and i really do not know a lot of things about the church-when the couple who did pre-cana started talkin about being agaisnt bc and all of that-i had NO CLUE-but it P!SSED me off! they basically said you should only have sex the days you are ovulating...i got really mad lol
im not on bc either, but if i had to take it, i wouldnt think of it as a bad thing-not at all-so dont think taht way matilde!

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Posted by jgl

ETA: TILDE I DIDNT REALIZE UNTIL AFTER I WROTE WHAT MY DAD SAID THAT YOUR FFIL DID THE SAME THING.. I THINK THEY SHOULD HANG OUT!!!!

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that is hysterical!