NWR: My Medical Update... (MAJOR VENT!)

Hi Girls,

So many of you were kind enough to FM notes of encouragement and support, so I wanted to let you know what's going on with me.

Well all the test results are in finally. FYI Oxford members (they suck!, FM me for more details)
Anyhoo..

So yesterday I had my last test, endoscopy, and it was horrid, they are suppose to put you to sleep for it but couldn't due to the fact that 'people who have no neck' (hello, I have one!) are at risk for airway collapse, so I was awake and aware of what they were saying the hold time. Some of you know I had gastric bypass a few years ago, well it turns out it was done incorrectly and now it basically looks like I didn't even have one, the staple lines are all gone, and I have scar tissue to boot.
(Note to the lawyers in our group what recourse do I have if my previous surgeon retired, and I have no way to contact him??)

SO now instead of just having hernia surgery (this is what started all of the tests) and a tummy tuck, recommended for those with my type of hernia, it speeds the healing process and lessens the chance of re-occurance. I know have to have a revision of my orginal surgery, which means no tummy tuck now, because they expect me to lose another drastic amount of weight (est 100-150lbs) and after losing that amount of weight I would need another one, so this having one now would be considered useless.

I am totally upset about all of this, mainly because it looks like I will probably have to change my wedding date again!

But the second part of my vent is this. In talking with FH about all of this, I said to him, that I would like us to still move in together next summer as we planned, he see's this as an opportunity for us to save more money (especially for him to pay off his credit debit) so I said to him, I could accept if he wanted to stay living at home, since he can't accept me supporting him, while he pays off his debt. But that I still feel the need to move. I am 32 year's old, and both my siblings live on their own and I make more money than them. I feel that if I save all the money needed to finish paying our wedding vendors, with the exception of the two he is paying for, then I feel I could handle living on my own. He is totally against this. His reason's ... are not even clear to me.. we just kept going in circles.. it was so fustrating to me!!!
How do I make him understand?

Thanks for letting me vent and for taking the time to read this.

Right now I am just so down in the dumps, and the one person I need to support me, is not really doing the greatest job at the moment..

I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. I can sympathize with you wanting to move. Unfortunately I have no idea how to make your FH understand. It sounds like you've tried explaining how important it is to you and from the way you just explained it, there sounds like there is no reason for you not to get your own place. Did you tell him that you want him to be involved in finding the place since hopefully that's the place you'll be sharing? Did you mention all of the 'alone time' you'd have together?? I hope he comes around soon.

I wish I knew the words to say that could help you, but just know that we're all here for you and wish you only the best

Thanks girls!!

FH is his mother's son, very practical but also very stubborn! I even tried using the it will be easier for us to see each other, right now he is the Long Islander and I am in Manhattan, way uptown, so it takes about 2 hours door to door on public transportation.

i'm sorry

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Posted by DebsNY

I wish I knew the words to say that could help you, but just know that we're all here for you and wish you only the best

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couldn't have said it better than debs just did

Hang in there - continue to communicate as effectively as you can...

Things will start to look up if you don't shut down....

I am sorry to hear about your problems I wish I could help, but just know we are here for you if you need to vent some more

you have fm

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I wish I had words of wisdom but I can at least offer encouragement and lots of and .

You know we are here for you. You'll be in my thoughts.

As far as the issue with FH goes, you seem to have found out a lot yesterday, not all of which is wonderful. Maybe give it a few weeks or so and then reapproach the topic of you moving out. Ultimately, though, it's your decision, not his. Of course you want his support but if this is something you want to do, and feel you can do, go for it! But I'd wait a little bit to make any final decisions.

A couple more for good measure

Good luck with everything.

So so sorry about all of this. There are several issues it sounds like you are trying to hash out. One-your health and wellbeing. Definitely a TOP priority. I agree Oxford sucks. I just hope you're OK and dealing with all of the medical crap ok. Sounds like you're getting sound advice now even if the first time around does not sound good (time to get a lawyer).

I too live way uptown in NYC and know commuting from there to most anywhere outside the city is quite a bear. (I work in NJ--ugh) It's your choice to move out, it may ruffle your FH feather's, but you have every right to make this decision for yourself. Keep us informed.

Many hugs and good thoughts your way.....

I want to give you alot of

I don't think I could add to any of the wonderful words of support. You sound so stressed out and sad. Medical stuff is so confusing and worrisome. I hope you know we are all here for you.