You guys are so helpful! Please help me now! SORRY LONG!

I feel really bad even posting this, but, I don't know who else to talk to talk to.

The history of my DH and my brother is that they really never gotten along. My brother was a bit jellous of my husband in college - because my DH never studied and got As and got to medical school, meanwhile, my brother had to really work hard and barely made it. Though now he finished medical school And, there were also other reasons why my brother didn't like my DH, and DH didn't like my brother (my brother used to Lie... A LOT)
In addition to all that, my brother and I never had a good relationship. Its sad, but I once overheard him telling my cousin how he wouldn't care if I got into a car accident and died - exept for maybe cause my mom would be upset - and I hated him ever since! But, than, in college, my DH started to convince me that a relationship between my brother and I is very important and slowly - because of HIM - I started to build a relationship with my brother.

Now... my relationship with him is pretty good - on thin ice but building. I went to his wedding - which wasn't in this country! DH couldn't go, because in residency they don't let you take off, and he already had his vacation for our honeymoon!

Now, my brother and FH aren't exactly friends. This sunday we went to his birthday party, and FH was 'civil' to him - but not overly friendly. Same was my brother. He thanked us for the gift, and maybe came over once. Didn't really talk to us.

Now, my whole family is ACUSING DH for being mean to my brother. Saying that he ignored him and my brother was upset because he wanted to 'build' their relationship and my DH didn't want to. Which isn't so (remember my brother lies, and wanted himself to look good!)! My mom kept telling me to tell my DH to talk to my brother, but I feel like you can't FORCE the relationship!!!! DH is not 5 years old that I can tell him to go play nice!

I don't know. I am just so upset.. My mom is even saying that my DH is turning me against them When its completely just the opposite. He always gets accused of something at all our families get together - just because he is different. My mother says he should change, but why should he change? Just cause he is not like my crazy family?
I feel like relationship between brother in laws should not be forced! Am I wrong? Since my DH gets persecuted everytime he comes over he doesn't want to do it anymore. And I understand him.
Do any of you have FH/DH who aren't best friends with your sibling? is that really a problem later on?

I am so sorry you have to go through this! Not everyone is going to like everyone. Some personalities just don;t mix. Heck, my mom and her mother inlaw hate each other. The best you can do is encourage them to be civil, nothing more. You can't force people to like each other.

no one else?

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Posted by angelbear217

I am so sorry you have to go through this! Not everyone is going to like everyone. Some personalities just don;t mix. Heck, my mom and her mother inlaw hate each other. The best you can do is encourage them to be civil, nothing more. You can't force people to like each other.

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Thanks! I think that is my point. You can't force things to happen.. right?

my brother lies all the time too... he does the same type of thing- will tell a random lie about me or my sister to make himself look good. I am actually really lucky though because my FI is very kind to him (a lot nicer than i would be).


I think you are right though... you cannot force a relationship and you dont want to put your FH in the line of fire of your somewhat crazy family. It is better not to have him get hurt by your family. and if that means he is not so close than so be it. good luck :)
chear up... at least you and your husband can have a 'normal' family together

I don't know what the best advice is for your situation, but I just want to let you know that everyone has their family problems and time eventually heals all wounds.....who knows, maybe when you start YOUR family, it will bring everyone closer together.....
Good luck!

My brothers a much younger than my FH, 15 and 18 years old, and FH is 32. FH looks at them like they are his younger siblings. But, they do get on his nerves A LOT! My brothers are very LAZY and don't do anyting because my mom and dad do everything for them. But, if my father needs help with something, he will come to FH because he know that my brothers won't know how to do it or will complain. FH feels that he doesn't mind helping, but he would like to relax sometimes too, so my dad should be asking my brothers to help. I don't blame him for feeling this way, but I can't say anything because I don't want to cause any strain in my relationship with my dad. Dad already feels like he is being replaced.

Sorry, so long. So, yes...I think everyone has some kind of problem. No, the relationship should not be forced. But, that IS your brother, and they dont have to be friendly. FH should be reminded that he is doing this for YOU not for your family.

My brother and fiance are best friends and work together-so no prob there.If I was you, I would tell my mother that my husband has always tried to keep and my brother together and develop a relationship-if she thinks ur husband is tryin to keep you 2 apart.
Everyone cant like everyone, that's just the way it is...

So sorry I don't see any need to force a relationship between the two. Yes, it's nice if everyone gets along but people have different personalities and not everyone can get along... That's life. Just like you can't choose your family, you can't choose your in-laws. Your DH loves you for you, not them and you love him with or without their approval. Mothers always take the side of their sons, or children for that matter. Honestly, did you really expect her to side with your DH?

In my opinion it is no big deal at all. I know its not fun hearing neg. stuff from your mom, but try to block it out, knowing that you know in your mind what's really going on. As long as they are civil to each other, that's all that can be expected.