1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

Original post by shamma

Jan 08, 2003 09:35 AM

Some of us have been living with our husbands before marriage, some of us just moved in, whatever the situation, how do you handle conflicts??

stacedz Posted: Jan 08, 2003 10:10 AM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

Communication is definitely the key but Gary and I still get into fights about things. We will yell and argue but usually it is over within a few hours, oftentimes much, much less. I have a friend that didn't talk to her husband for over a week, HELLO? WTF? I just couldn't do that. They do not communicate well at all, but I think that has to be the basis of any relationship and believe it or not, most of our friends do not communicate!

shamma Posted: Jan 08, 2003 10:18 AM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

See, people like to brag about the silent treatment and how long they can stay mad at another person, I hate that mess. It drives me crazy. How can you be in a house with someone and not talk to them. I cannot keep a malice for the life of me. I have a very bad memory, sometimes when I am mad at Roger, if I let it simmer for too long, I forget. He laughs at me b/c he goes you were not really mad you can't even remember why you were mad. I value life and the little time that I have with my loved ones. I try my darndest to not waste it being mad.

I remember a quote from Don't sweat the small stuff in love and it said, will this matter one year from today, remembering this always keeps me in check

stacedz Posted: Jan 08, 2003 10:30 AM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

You are absolutely right Shamma, I don't know how she does it. Life is way too short to stay mad!!

natasha Posted: Jan 08, 2003 11:23 AM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

I hate the not talking mess too. That doesn't work for us because we both end up being miserable.

Cira Posted: Jan 08, 2003 12:21 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

Like everyone else, it depends on the conflict. I'm an arguer ... Rob hates to argue ... I think fighting is good, it's healthy and therapeutic. I am the emtional one out of the two of us. Sometimes we argue, sometimes we converse, and Guilty ... sometimes I give him the silent treatment - for the most, an hour, to make my point. I think I do it, because he hates it and then knows that something is wrong and sometimes I just want to think about my feelings before I lash at him. We are pretty good though .. we can usually read when the other's upset and one of us just caves in after we discuss. We don't go to bed angry though ... our fights usually only last a few hours!

bearsbabe_113 Posted: Jan 08, 2003 03:07 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

I agree with you Shamma, I HATE the silent treatment!! I grew up in a house where my mother and sister were the Queens in that, and it DROVE ME BANANAS!! I NEED TO SCREAM AND YELL AND GET IT OFF MY CHEST!! I hate conflict of any kind and get very nervous when somebody is mad/annoyed with me. I like to have everything peachy keen and smelling like roses in my world. My husband is an only child, so he doesn't yell unless he's REALLY ****ed off. He'll get very quiet and I have to pry it out of him. But from the moment we started dating I told him that I was big on talking it out and letting the other one know when you're mad at them. We don't really fight -- we never had a fight/fight until planning for the wedding!!! Then we had some doozies, I tell ya!

If I'm really mad, I'll think before I speak and then will try to 'calmly' discuss what the problem is and then we'll either compromise or agree to disagree. Usually we come to a compromise that works for both of us!!!! Then of course we make up, which is the best part of fighting, isn't it??

ChristineC68 Posted: Jan 08, 2003 03:12 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

It depends on the topic at hand but we pretty much talk about whatever it is that we are trying to work through. Of course we have had the big yelling blow outs as well as quiet 5 minutes discussions. I'll admit that I am guilty of the silent treatment but it's mostly so I can calm down vs. punish my DH.

I think it's natural to argue and as long as there is respect and know that there will be times where you agree to disagree, it's ok.

shamma Posted: Jan 08, 2003 03:12 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

Deb, that is the part hubby likes best, making up I have to agree with you on one thing, we never fought until we started planning, it scared the heck out of me, I was like is this a sign we are meant to part?

michele31 Posted: Jan 08, 2003 03:24 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

It depends on what the issue is. If I can pout my way thru it I do That works for when I come home with more pairs of shoes than I should and he is like 'But Michele we have so many things coming up do you really need all of these' Of course I do need them all and I have to make him see that, although he never really, truly understands
But usually we talk, and we try not to yell until we both come to an understanding. We can agree to disagree also, as long as the other person doesn't feel misunderstood or bad about the outcome.

JennRenee Posted: Jan 08, 2003 04:24 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

I'm a screamer, he clams up. This is MUCH better than when he was younger and used to LEAVE during arguments. Nothing made my blood boil faster! Now I rant and scream and he listens, then he hugs me and laughs at my temper, and I calm down and we speak rationally. It's always the same situation. I need to vent before I can discuss. Luckily he understands that.

bearsbabe_113 Posted: Jan 08, 2003 04:31 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

Jen, we have more and more in common!!! It must be the Italian temper!!! I rant and rave and Joe looks at me like I have 32 heads and then cracks up and says 'you kill me' -- yup buddy, keep laughing and that's what's gonna happen!!!

JennRenee Posted: Jan 08, 2003 04:34 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!! I can just imagine what you fights look like... just like ours, only in a different house!!!!!!

bearsbabe_113 Posted: Jan 08, 2003 04:42 PM

Re: 1/8/2003 QOTD How do you and hubby resolve issues???

Oh it's quite comical at times!! Last year when I was taking down the tree, I was yelling about something and he was just standing there very quiet and I knew he was up to something. So I look up again and I see the stupid camcorder I got him for Christmas is ON RECORD and he's taping the whole thing!!!! And he preceded to play it for whoever came over after that!!! And he CRACKS up each time because I look and sound like a complete idiot screaming about how the box should go back in the rubbermaid (or something stupid like that)!!!