advice

I have a friend who has been dating a guy for awhile (several years) and is dying to get engaged. recently she called me and was very upset she didn't know what to do about the relationship anymore. She was questioning his fidelity and his love etc. So after talking through some things she decided it was time to walk away. Her sis told her he had planned to propose soon and she is now back in happy love land. They had a conversation the other night in which he told her about what he told her sis and that since they had been having issues that wasn't happening anymore (so in away coverining his butt in case her sishad told her.)
Last night they are having a conversation again and he tells her he still has committment issues (he has admitted this before)

I told her I think she is nuts to stay in this relationship. Was he really going to propose if he still has this issue? Now she is mad at me. Was I totally out of line?

Re: advice

I think that sometimes we want to protect our friends and tell them if we think they are wasting their time with someone. Unfortunately if you tell someone something they don't want to hear, they are going to get angry or upset. You were honest with your friend. Obviously she isn't about to end her relationship and still cares very much for this person. I think your friend has to learn on her own that this relationship isn't going anywhere. Nobody can tell her that because she isn't ready to face it if it is the issue. I would just be a friend and listen and she'll see it on her own eventually.

Re: advice

If she ASKS you for your opinion, give it but be careful. She could end up marrying this man and if she feels you are unsupportive she might move a bit away from you.
I was in a bad, going nowplace relationship before I starting date Scott. I KNEW my friends didn't really like the guy and thought I should get out, but the choice had to be mine, not theirs. And they respected that. I got out when I was ready. Your friend has to make her own mistakes, even if you hate to see her do it.

Re: advice

I agree. I think you were right to tell her that she deserves better, after all, you care about her. But that's about all you can say and do about the matter. It's her choice to make. If you keep putting the guy down and she's not ready to leave him, she will leave you instead. I know it's hard to sit back and watch a good friend make a mistake, but if you want to stay friends, you might just have to sit back and stay quiet. We all learn when we're ready to. Maybe she's not ready to see this guy for what he is yet.

Then again, who are we to ever think we know what is best for someone else or what will make them happy? Maybe this guy is really what she wants, even if you think she can do better. Some people just have to learn the hard way.

Re: advice

michele said it best
you have to be careful what you say b/c ultimately it is her decision not yours
so you should say things nicely but tell her it is her decision/s to make