advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

Please help... I need advice. I think it's time I break up with a friend and I am nervous and sad to do so but things have built up and I really don't want her husband in my life.

back story...

Dh and I met this couple a few years ago while cruising with BIL&SIL. They were a lot of fun and we spendt our days and nights drinking and partying with them. We went on excurisions and developed a friendship. We spoke to them often after that trip and we all visited a few times (they live in PA) all the while, mainly we would drink and the guys would hang out in their man caves and the ladies would chat. 6 months later we all went on a second cruise. This was the cruise which DH propsed. I want to add that this guy let's call him Bill... would always be the d ick friend would would make snide comments and be like 'Shauna, it's 11am can Matt drink now' because hello, my DH is a brain injury survivor and can't and shouldn't drink like any healthy guy... (oh and this other guy has about 100lbs on my DH) anyway you know the type of guy who behind your back is telling your DH how you are controlling... etc. yea, never liked that but learned to deal with it.

okay flash forward to wedding events....

our e-party... Bill asked to be in our BP while out to dinner the night before the party. I didn't want it but Dh was really put on the spot and said yea... it was incredibly awkward for everyone. We hadn't even known them a year... then the night of the party the both of them got so shi t faced and got in a huge fight. Causing SIL&BIL to have to drive them home. Oh and Bill will always hang with the person who will drink the most with him. Sadly this is my FIL.. that's a whole other story though. So they get in this huge fight, she's crying. he's yelling.. it was a mess... There was an after party and she showed up he got himself back to ther hotel somehow but SIL & BIL had to leave early bc she wanted to go back to the hotel

She wasn't invited to my shower...

Bach-parties... they came. Girls went to Foxwoods, guys went to Mohegan Sun. She was so intoxicated by 9pm we had to put her to bed.. infact the stripper asked that we put her to bed bc she was such a mess and kinda messing up his... umm... 'act'.. so we did and then went out came home at 4am and she woke up saying when are we leaving... she thought she napped for 30 minutes. Now the guys.. yes they made the long trip from PA to go with us but as far as I heard Bill didn't offer up a dime for any of DH's festivities... he might have bought him a beer or 2 but when it came to food and the stay it was all BIL (his other guys didn't chip in either but again it's not about that)...

Rehearsal, they couldn't make it, it was theirkids 1st day of school

Wedding day.... Well they wanted to get together with us the night before. I said NO WAY! If DH wanted to go see them at his Dad's house with BIL then it was up to him but I wasn't I know they just wanted to party... Dh didn't and I'm really glad he passed.... okay wedding day, Bill showed up to my Dads where the guys met for pics and from the sounds of it just started drinking like crazy and complained the whole time about pics, his tux, everything.... Then the reception.. surprise, surprise they got wasted and who did Bill choose to go get the most drunk with, my FIL... I am so embarressed to even write this but Bill convinced my drunk FIL to go dunk their heads in the koi pond at JT... I am MORTIFIED that this happend! I didn't know the night of the wedding and those who knew tried to keep me from knowing but i found out.. I know people at JT (staff) and my parents threw us the wedding and this is the kind of people we had. I am really ashamed....

post wedding, there was a very big mix up with the hotel and the shuttles getting to LaQuinta and for some reason Bill and his wife were asked to go on another bus which took like an hour to get to JT... Ummm I was waiting there too and most of the other BP. Well guess who, walked to 7-11 for a case of beers... then with the chaos at LaQuinta regarding them giving their rooms away, Bill nearly gets in a fist fight with the bus driver. The bus driver got in MY FACE! and I told him to get out it's my wedding day what is he thinking, and Bill continued to try and fight him. Then his wife stumbles out of the hotel while her hubs is screaming at this man, asking where all the beer went and not even acknowledging what the Ef is going on... That's when I took the money box and my hubs hand and said we are going to bed.

DH did NOT get wasted at our wedding in fact I was told he was ignoring Bill most of the time bc he was being such an asss...

So, I haven't talked to them since and she called me last night to catch up. I heard she is preggers again and I'm happy for them and wish them well but really don't want them in my life anymore.. SIL feels somewhat the same way but we feel stuck. I really think if she asks me why I have been MI A I have to tell her the truth that, we have NOTHING in common. Other than going on cruises and throwing back one to many...

Help, what do I do... would you 'break up' with them too? Dh told me to do what I want. He is so non-confontational with friends though that I am sure he would still talk to bill once in a while, if Bill called him. He wouldn't keep initiate talking to him....

if you read this all thank you, I just really need some outside opinions on this...

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

I would honestly just ignore them. They live in PA, it's not like you see them everyday. If they constantly ask you why you aren't speaking to them, just say exactly what you said--that their behavior at your wedding made you realize you guys have nothing in common, and you do not want to discuss it anymore. That's that. I'm sorry you have to go through that though .

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

whenever I want to break up with friends or outgrown the relationship I just stop answering calls and never obv call - I just let if fizzle out.
I feel maybe its not the most mature way of handling things but def the easiest and least drama filled.

thats my best advice

and it does sound embarrassing them dipping their heads in the pond. I would've been mortified as well.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

---

Posted by miamimerger

I would honestly just ignore them. They live in PA, it's not like you see them everyday. If they constantly ask you why you aren't speaking to them, just say exactly what you said--that their behavior at your wedding made you realize you guys have nothing in common, and you do not want to discuss it anymore. That's that. I'm sorry you have to go through that though .

---

Laura, you read my mind. It's not like they're just going to show up knocking on your door. Out of sight, out of mind

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

i absolutely would 'break up' with them ... as you said, you don't have anything in common, and all they do is cause problems!

do these 'friends' also know other people in your circle? Like, will you ever see them again?

if you will see them because of other mutual friends, i'd just ignore them ... don't 'break up' but don't make any contact ... if they ask where you've been, just say you're busy. it'll make it less awkward if you see them again.

if you will never see them regardless, i'm not sure how i'd go about it ... personally i don't like confrontation either so i might just stop picking up their calls until they get the hint .... i know it's not necessarily an ideal way but oh well

good luck!

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

wow I cant believe people would act that way. Sometimes I wonder what people really are thinking.

I am not really sure what you should do. I would probably not call them and if she calls and asks like u said then tell her the truth but i wouldnt go out of my way to call her.

im sorry, this is a tough situation

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

---

Posted by miamimerger

I would honestly just ignore them. They live in PA, it's not like you see them everyday. If they constantly ask you why you aren't speaking to them, just say exactly what you said--that their behavior at your wedding made you realize you guys have nothing in common, and you do not want to discuss it anymore. That's that. I'm sorry you have to go through that though .

---

Well that was my plan and why I haven't called them but now she called me. Should I just not return her call and hope she gets a clue. I mean I hadn't wished her congrats on the baby, and yesterday was her daughters b-day I sawit on FB and didn't respond bc I didn't want to open the lines of communication but now she has...

Oh and her husband asked my BIL 'Is Shauna not talking to Steph?' a few weeks ago, BIL was just like IDK?????? So I guess they have a clue, idk... I guess it would be easier if BIL, SIL and DH all felt the same way I did.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

I had to break up with a friend.. It was really awkward cause she didnt understand when I said I dont want drama in my life .. it meant her!!! I tried to be nice about it.. But then she would keep texting me to hang out. so she didnt get the memo.. I then had to ignore her which I feel bad about but she brought it all on herself and did some very hurtful things and got me involved in drama that i was never suppose to be a part of.. I think she finally got the hint. Its hard to say to someone I dont want to be your friend so try and distance them out of your life.. slowly but gradually it will happen. good luck sweetie!

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

dont answer calls. de-friend them on FB.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

If you don't want to get confrontational, just ignore the calls, texts, etc. and, hopefully, they'll get the hint.

If you do want to get confrontational, tell her the truth - that should do it. Between her behavior and her husband's behavior, they should be mortified.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

Okay well I can't control what BIL&SIL do of course but if they remain friends with them it is going to be very awkward. Especially since they are recently engaged (she's actually my FSIL) and for now plan to have them at the wedding next fall.

I wish it were just Matt and I had to be concerned about.

I agree they should be mortified. They just wake up the next day like nothing happend.

I also made the mistake of saying goodbye to them after the wedding like everything was fine but in my defense I was on Cloud 9 preparing to leave for my HM. Nothing was getting me down the morning after the wedding

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

Shauna - how do BIL and SIL feel about them? Are they ready to let them go?

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

so sorry you had to go through that at your wedding.
honestly I agree with everyone else just try to ignore them hopefully they will get the hint. it seems if you do say something than bill may get violent with you. and we def dont want that.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

---

Posted by barbtony

Shauna - how do BIL and SIL feel about them? Are they ready to let them go?

---

On the fence I think.. BIL I doubt would feel bad he is pretty unemotional about most things. SIL, has a heart of gold, is VERY nonconfrontational and always tries to give the benfit of the doubt but I think is starting to see that they too don't have much in common with them either.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

---

Posted by Spring143

so sorry you had to go through that at your wedding.
honestly I agree with everyone else just try to ignore them hopefully they will get the hint. it seems if you do say something than bill may get violent with you. and we def dont want that.

---

The worst he would do is call me names and that would give me even more of a reason to cut them from my life and maybe even let DH see him for this true colors.

Thank you....

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

i would totally break up with them. Just ignore them. They sound like hot messes- why would you want these kind of people in your life?

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

We know I hate being confrontational but depending on your relationship with someone and what happened it's necessary.

BUT, since they live in PA and any confrontation will be done over the phone it's a little easier IMO.

If it were me I'd wimp out and just ignore them. If/When I saw them again, if they mentioned it then I would tell how I feel.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

Shauna, IMO, you need to let it go with them - for your sake and Matt's sake. You don't need that toxicity in your life. Ignore the calls and stay away. Don't worry about what BIL and SIL want to do.

Should it get confrontational, there is no doubt in my mind that you can handle it.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

Ugh, what an awful situation. Honestly, I would just ignore them...maybe that's wrong but I tried 'breaking up' with a friend once and she just didn't get it. She kept coming back for more. Ignoring people just seems to work better.

If they ask whats up, then tell them.

Re: advice needed... breaking up with a friend.. LONG sorry....

I've 'broken up' with friends before. I just stopped talking to them. Don't answer their calls, texts, dont make contact, take them off FB.

They'll get the hint eventually.