For Newlyweds Only - **An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th** UPDATE

GT143EA Posted: Dec 06, 2009 10:49 AM

An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th UPDATE

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Cacarina Posted: Dec 06, 2009 10:53 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

Wow...that is such a tough situation! On one hand, she totally has the right to know what her DH is doing when he is out. On the other hand, sometimes ignorance is bliss! I don't know what I would do! Sorry, I am no help at all.

nicopico13 Posted: Dec 06, 2009 10:58 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

whoa that's a tough question...I don't know what I would do. Part of me says tell her, tell her, but then there is another part that says don't get involved. I was actually in a similiar situation and saw the guy cheat with my own eyes, he was engaged at the time. I knew his fiance, but he saw me see him and I ended up not saying anything to her.

MrsDrinkh20 Posted: Dec 06, 2009 10:59 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

Im going through something similar with FSIL. The only difference is that a friend told me he saw FSIL's boyfriend being sleezy (not making out but close to it!) I feel like since DH or I didnt see it ourselves I dont have a leg to stand on...As painful as it is for everyone involved, I feel like I would want to know and would probably tell my friend. My only hesitation would be that she wouldnt believe me and would get mad at me without thinking that it would be the truth...this is a terrible situation gail...im so sorry.

meara Posted: Dec 06, 2009 11:01 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

wow hard question - I feel like it would be hard to keep in a secret but it might not be your place to tell. . . what is so weird is he would do it with so many people who could tell his wife. . do you know the guy well enough to tell him that while you don't feel like it's your business to tell that you feel like she needs to know and he should man up and do it? I feel like if he takes responsobility it might be better for them working things out. .

also - do you know if this is the only time he has done this? I mean I don't think cheating is EVER right. . but it might be something that just happened once and letting it go would mean they still could be okay. . ugh sorry no advice i guess - crappy situation for you and your DH and your friend - but that does say some great things about YOUR DH that he left. . .

AugustBridein09 Posted: Dec 06, 2009 11:24 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

Hmm this is SUUUUUPER tough.

Was he drunk???

I know that wouldn't make it okay but if he knows you know his wife and that your DH was there...

Maybe he was drunk and didn't realize or just didn't care?

Like to me its not like you and your DH were out and saw him doing something wrong...its like he was doing it in front of people that know his wife!!! (does that make sense??)

In that case, I would tell my friend. If she doesn't believe me then that's on her but at least I know I did my part...if she wants to get upset or ignore it, that would be her decision.

Hope this helps

Cassie15 Posted: Dec 06, 2009 11:34 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

That is a tough call. If you let your friend know, your DH's friend will react angrily that you got involved with their personal affairs. If and when, something does happen or go wrong, fingers and blame may be pointed at you. Remember, you never know how people react to things esp when high emotions and hurtful situations are involved. It's two people's lives and marriage at stake here. Their lives will have an enormous impact since things are about to change. Also, their situation will affect their children. On the other hand, yes she does a right to know particularly if her husband is committing infidelity in their marriage with a baby on the way. Personally, if it's a very close friend of mine meaning someone that I associate and hang out with very often and I'm close with their family, then I would let her know so that she is aware of the situation and be prepared with the truth. I'm a firm believer that time will eventually reveal the truth. He's bound to get caught one day. If you don't feel comfortable doing it, then go with your instinct.

allegracristina Posted: Dec 06, 2009 11:52 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

Gail this is nuts!! Omg!! FMng you now...

JennyAPH Posted: Dec 06, 2009 12:01 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

Geez!! I would let DH's friend know that if he doesn't tell her you will.

Its a tough situation

What does DH think?

azailia Posted: Dec 06, 2009 12:15 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

Ok... well who is your friend??? This cheating guy or the wife??

who are you closer too??

I was in a similar situation....

My friend (girl), was dating this guy, and I became friends with him as well....

We went away a group of friends, not my friend the girl... but while we were away he cheating on her left and right... right in front of us..... it was terrible!! he obviously knows we are friends with his gf!!

And i actually like the girl he was cheating on y firend with!!! She was so nice and had feelings for him.. which was even worse.. but anyway

I ended up not telling y friend.. they broke up about 4 months later anyway... but i have to admit, till this day I still feel alittle guilty, that i never told her.. and at timess , i feel like it is awkward between us

whtevjenny Posted: Dec 06, 2009 01:18 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

i don't know what i would do. Just know that if you do tell her, you're putting yourself in the middle of a potentially bad situation, and although you'd be being a good friend, if they mend fences, your original relationship with the girl will probably suffer. It ***** but I think that's the reality. Good luck.

NikkiR515 Posted: Dec 06, 2009 01:34 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

What is DH's take on this? Since he is the one who actually witnessed it, I would first clear it with him before telling her about it. Do you think she would be the type of person who would want to know? I know a lot of people would say stay out of it but I know if it was me, I would want to know. Furthermore, if I found out my DH was cheating on me and my friends knew all along, I would probably never forgive them for not telling me. Some people rather not know and if she is that type then I probably I wouldn't tell. Otherwise, I def would.

julesrbf Posted: Dec 06, 2009 01:50 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

Oh Gail, I'm so sorry you are in this situation. What a disgusting pig. I would definitely want to be told, and I would definitely tell. I know you might be the bearer of bad news and she might take it out on you at first, but she has a right to know.

Tomlaur0808 Posted: Dec 06, 2009 02:04 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th

I know this may seem like an odd question - but how far along is your friend in her pregnancy? The reason I ask is that if you do decide to tell her - depending on where she is in her pregnancy - the stress & upset of the situation may end up causing her to lose the baby (this happened to a co-worker of mine last year (sadly). She found out she was pregnant w/ their 3rd child - announced it to everyone at work right before Thanksgiving about how excited & happy she was - then right after New Year's tells us that 2 days before Christmas her husband says he's leaving & he's in love w/someone else...(WT F? A REAL PIECE OF S--T!) Anyway she was about 4- 4 1/2 months along at that point & the emotional stress & trauma of the situation caused her to miscarry. So not only did she end up losing her husband, but ended up losing th baby as well...

I would still want to know if it was me - but you may want to choose an appropriate time to reveal this info...just something to think about.

This is a terrible situation but Im very proud of your DH for removing himself from that situation - most guys wouldnt. It just $uck$ b/c no matter how you look at it - someone is definitely going to get hurt.

MrsInglima Posted: Dec 06, 2009 08:15 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th UPDATE

I'm just reading this now. I'm so sorry to hear this for your friend! I would contact her and try to talk to her about it, see how she's doing and everything. I'll definitely be thinking about her!

LadyDuda81509 Posted: Dec 06, 2009 09:17 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th UPDATE

ugh oh my god!!! that is such a sad story! your poor friend.
well the positive is that he told her what happend so im assuming he felt bad and regreted what he did!!! lord knows she is prob upset right now!

i really hope that they can get past this! for them an the baby sake! its gonna be hard but hopefully they can all get past it!

meara Posted: Dec 06, 2009 10:05 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th UPDATE

glad that he fessed up and you didn't have to make any hard decisions. .

I would totally send her an email but very low key - just kind of like. hey I know what you're going through and just want to support you so wether that's butting out, or being around if you want to talk/vent/ etc . .just let me know. .

trust me it won't make it worse - not like she won't be thinking about it if you don't say it. . you know. .

MLAngelo Posted: Dec 06, 2009 10:28 PM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th UPDATE

I am glad he fessed up. I hope your friend is ok.

flairforfashion Posted: Dec 07, 2009 12:31 AM

Re: An I need your advice NWQOTD- Sun. Dec.6th UPDATE

OMG, this is horrendous and I cannot believe this. Ugh, some guys are terrible, it makes me so sad.

I am glad that she found out the way she should. I think it's best if you wait a while before calling or texting her. This may be a touchy subject and while she is upset right this moment, she may forgive him later on. Ugh, again I feel horrible for your friend.