And other Breadwinner Brides? Money questions...

This is a real big issue and I don't think we have totally decided what we want to do. Up until now, everything has worked out well, so why mess with a good thing.

Hubby makes more than me, but not much. We both mave excellent paying jobs we both love. We are already on our 30's (ouch) and plan on working several more years before TTC (although I wish it would be sooner). We both have 401K's and excellent investments, so we feel confident our retirement will be good.

However, we still maintain our own separate banking accounts. They are joint though - his name is on mine and mine is on his. Basically, I will be a stay at home mom, giving up my career to raise our children. Any money I make now goes right into a savings account that isn't touched, except when I need some spending cash myself . My hubby paid for our entire wedding, pays the mortgage and bills (we bought the house together before we were engaged, but since the wedding, he's taken over all the expenses). By the way, we are both debt free. The only loan we have now is my school loans and the mortgage. We are lucky - we don't pay for our cars or insurance because hubby's family own a dealership.

We continue to maintain it this way because when I do stay at home with the kids, he will be the sole income maker and I will be relying on him for spending money (which I think will be really hard because I am so used to making my own salary and spending my own money at whim).

I can't complain. It has worked out well for us, but I know we're in for a big adjustment once my salary is gone. Right now, we do things jointly anyway. Last month we attended a wedding and he wrote the check. Next weekend os anopther wedding and I'll write the check. It's just not a problem for us that we don't 'pool' our money.

And on one last note, we had both considered a pre-nup because hubby stands to inherit the family business he now works for. After many discussions, I think we made the right decision not to get one. We just never wanted to think we planned on getting divorced. We are in it for the long haul, good or bad. I would never take his family business and run with it.....

Good Luck to all you ladies out there. Money is a big issue in our lives, and for every couple, their ideas will be very different. What is good for one couple may not work for another couple.

Wow that is wonderful all of the breadwinner brides!! What are your occupations? I think its great that woman are finally up there in this so called 'man world'. Great job ladies

I am the breadwinner, as my husband lost his job after he was ill last year. He went back to school, so we are on my income alone.

As a private contract speech pathologist my earnings are never the same week to week, and my gross salary has varied + or - 5,000 to 30,000 in a year depending on how hard I work or what the rates I get are. This is something I am used to, but he is used to getting a set amount every pay check. I have learned how to cut back when I need to, and when I have money to play with, I do. I think the lean times are what throws him for a loop, and will be the biggest adjustment for both of us. It is hard to say let's wait on getting that til next month because I am waiting for people to pay me. We went from 2 very good incomes to just mine. I don't like being the bread winner. I liked him having his own money to spend as he wanted without having to clear purchases with me. We never had any outrageous purchases when we were doing things this way, so it wasn't an issue.
At this moment we have a joint checking, joint savings, and one checking which is just mine so I can keep track of taxable expenses. I have considered going to one joint checking, and will have to consult my accountant before doing this.

I do give him credit though. I dated many men who couldn't handle me making more than them, and one who actually made plans, then said, 'You make more money than me, so you can pay.' I wouldn't pay for plans he made without asking me, so we didn't go.

I do enjoy reading how others are handling this situation. I didn't realize so many were in this boat. Twenty years ago I wonder how many would have been. One man he knows asked him if we were still getting married after he lost his job, as if I was going to dump him because of it. I wasn't sure if this was a commentary on this man's feelings about women, that we are all only interested in marrying a man with money. I just thought it was a very strange question.

Has anyone encountered anything like this, or had negative comments from family?I know my father doesn't get it since he would not allow my mother to work because then people might think he wasn't making enough money. I think he thought I would sit home, but I think I will always work at least part time. We definitely have a generation gap on this issue.

Getting married a bit older tends to put you in a different situation than younger brides. Older brides tend to have moved out of the family home and either have their own apt or home b4 they are married. in Some instances, this makes a BIG difference.
I grew up in a 2 fam home and helped my mom & dad manage their bookkeeping at an early age. Taught me how hard my dad worked for his dollar and how hard my SAHM worked to make it stretch.

having lost both parents by the age of 22 and having a home that was paid off to live in also contributed mightly to my outlook.

I think the Valencia was a little bit out of line saying that separate accts lead to an easier divorce.

I had sweated through keeping our family home for another few years- real estate taxes, city taxes, water bills, utilities, insurance, etc all while JUST entering the workforce in my field. So we are talking about a $16,000 a yr salary!

After somehow pulling that off, there were several factors that lead to the decision to sell the family home, split the $ w/ my brother and each of us seek separate dwellings.

After a few more years of loser b-friends- one of which stole from me-I realized that I needed to do something!

Anyway- I met Rob- and the rest is history.

I make at least twice what he makes...and in his position- he is at the top of the earnings curve. he has been at his job for about 15 years- I work in Advertising where I haven't worked at any company for more than 3 years- that is just the way it is structured.
I kicked around the idea of a pre nup because I had more coming in to the relationship- and no debts- while rob had little savings and a car loan.
Plus , I am a saver....

But I decided that I wouldn't get one..

WE have one joint checking acct that we worked out a certain percentage we would both contribute in....
Then we have separate cking and savings accts, one joint credit card- and then separate cards that we both had prior to getting married.
This works VERY well for us - and NEITHER one of us is contemplating divorce!!

House bills get paid out the joint acct as does car expenses. Inidividual purchases get charged to our own credit cards and paid from our own cking accts.
Again, I save and Rob needed to work on planning ahead for expenses- so this works for us!

Since I am 9 weeks away from my due date-
we have worked and worked on what r we gonna DO!!!??
Seems that there is no choice but for me to go back to work- and I am not completely happy with that. But, that is the way it is for now.
Will ahve to put baby in daycare- at least for 2 or 3 days a week.
Still working out a plan of how to return to work- want to propose a 2 day in the city/3 days at home proposal to my boss....but I am VERY unsure as to how she will recieve this....even tho my clients love me, I am a hard worker, have met all my deadlines, etc.
Until then, will have to see what options rob may have- including him working part time and I working a shorter week.
Wish us luck!!