DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

Original post by DNicholes

Dec 18, 2007 10:09 PM

& now I'm sitting her hysterically crying.....(it's so ridiculous, I know)

SO for the past 3 weeks now I've said to DH since we did Thanksgiving dinner w/ your family, that now we do Christmas dinner with mine. (fair, right?)

Our tradition with my immediate family is to do christmas morning breakfast in our pjs and open gifts together so since it's my nephews first christmas, I definitely wanted to keep the tradition (obviously DH and I would have our own first christmas morning together) and DH's family for the FIVE YEARS we've been together do nothing christmas morning,we usually open gifts together christmas night....so DH knew that we were going to my parents for xmas morning after we exchange.... I didn't think DH had an issue with it until last night I heard him say to my MIL that maybe we could do christmas morning and open gifts then....Ummm hello??? I have a nephew this year and for FIVE years now we have NEVER EVER done that...so I say nothing to him last night then he comes home just now and is like my Mom wants us to do christmas morning there......I busted into tears and then we got into a huge fight b/c he always has selective hearing and I told him how I totally heard him on the phone last night and that I thought it was totally wrong...etc...etc...

His thing was we do christmas eve at my parents house b/c for five years now we've never done anything with DHs family on christmas eve...which is true but his parents for the past 2 years (since my mom started catering xmas eve) come to my parents house for it......so we'll see them then, I told him we could go over his parents house after we see eddie (my nephew) & family christmas morning.....& then we are ending christmas night with his whole family.....

I'm so annoyed & upset & just allll sorts of emotional about the whole thing!! I've always done christmas morning at my house and even my sister last year (after being married) came to my parents house with her DH in there PJs and we all opened gifts and ate breakfast & now it's like WHAM....we're not doing that and I'm making that decision without even asking me....so we fought about it......

& now I feel bad he had to tell MIL that we weren't coming over for breakfast but could come after but he already knew that's what we always do....when we DATED he came over to my house christmas morning and not even with his family...so why does this change now? Why does it turn into we are seeing your family to much? How is it ok for me to not see mine for him to see his???

I'm SO sorry this is long but did anyone else go through b/c up until tonight this has NEVER been an issue, it's like he pulls out the 'we're married card now' but it was always alternate holidays while dating.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

dgirl0114 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 08:33 AM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

Ahh, this is the one part about the holidays I can't stand. It's very hard to make everyone happy.

And Devon, I'm totally with you on the staying home once we have kids!! That is my plan-we'll celebrate with the family the weekend after or something. Christmas Day I just want to spend in my pj's feeling all warm & cozy and not having to travel every which way.

The new 'Alien Vs. Predator' movie starts Christmas Day and DH saw the commercial last night and was so into it. I said let's just go to the movies on Christmas. He was all into it but of course we're not going to do that-we're going to go to his sister's.

TnOiOnL Posted: Dec 19, 2007 08:49 AM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

uuuuuughhhhhhh that's the worst dev! It's so hard to choose between families but ya know what, it all worked out in the end, so push it aside and be sure to talk to DH about xmas morning ALWAYS being at your parents' in the future!

SunBride07 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 10:35 AM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

I'm COMPLETELY in the same boat (only difference is, DH and I go through this every year)...part of the problem is his parents live about an hour away and we live closer to my parents so we get the 'you see them more than us, you love them more than us...blah,blah' - whatever! I H-A-T-E spending holidays over there because they are miserable, anti-holiday people and I have to sit there in silence while everyone fights and just have a miserable day. I love christmas and it kills me that we spend it with his family but I refuse to give up xmas eve with mine since my entire family gets together and it is so hard to see everyone throughout the year. This year has been harder because now that it is our first xmas together I want to start our OWN traditions but because this splitting holidays thing has been written out in stone, we don't have time to just be together and do our own thing...we are running to one place or another...
I agree with you - when we have kids - everyone can figure it out because I'm staying home

FullersBride Posted: Dec 19, 2007 10:46 AM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

I totally understand. For 8 YEARS!!! I've traveled between Long Island and CT for both our families on ALL the holiday because no one would share the holiday or let us alternate. DH is an only child and his parents siblings live in other states, so its ot as if they were getting together with him. MIL just doesn't want to give up her traditions and isn't willing to bend. We have both been so fed up that we decided when we bought our house this year we are having all the holidays at our house, I love to cook and entertain, and if our families really want to see us they can come to our house. I went through 8 years of traveling during Thanksgiving and Christmas that I wasn't going to do it anymore.

After the holidays, sit down and have a talk and decide what your plan is for the future so you both are on the same page. Things will change when you have kids, but for now try and come to an understanding!

imas98 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 10:56 AM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

DNicholes Posted: Dec 19, 2007 11:57 AM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

Thanks Ladies!!!!

I just want to add that I love DH's family, I really do....so it's not the fact that I don't want to see them & spend time with them it's just the craziness and stupid bickering that comes along with splitting everything!! & well I LOVE christmas....it's my favorite time of the year and basically it's hard for me to just switch off our traditions where it had never been different for five years!

I'm just glad I'm not alone on this!!!

AeroJenn Posted: Dec 19, 2007 12:12 PM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

Devon you are not silly for crying over this at all. DH and I have been having similar problems -- we've been together for 5 years now, but since this is our first MARRIED christmas, we're trying to figure out how to split the holdays....and let me tell you....no one is happy! Neither family (and neither of us) want to give up what we traditionally do. Its just not easy for anyone.

I dont have any advice to give because to be honest, every family is different and its something that you two need to sit down and work out. Make a plan for 'from now on.' DH and I sat down and said...'ok, from now on we'll split Thanksgiving, have xmas eve at my family's, xmas day at your family's, etc.' Whatever you do...make a plan and stick to it

Other than that....all I can offer is because I know how difficult and stressful this can be.

GettinHutched Posted: Dec 19, 2007 12:58 PM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

Devon I just gotta give you lots of I know how you feel about wanting to be there for your nephew. The day DH tells me we have to have Christmas with his family I'm gonna lose it- to me Christmas is ALL about my nieces and nephew!!

And yes it is crazy that after all the years of dating, things really do change once we're married. It's NUTS! It's so frustrating but it will work out. I don't blame you AT ALL for being upset!

diva7531 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 01:21 PM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

so sorry, hope it all works out!

dplehat Posted: Dec 19, 2007 01:27 PM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

I'm lucky Dh and I are interfaith. We only have to share Thanksgiving and I pulled the pregnant card so I got to spend it with my family this year. Good luck.
ETA

erdbeere Posted: Dec 20, 2007 09:49 AM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

that *****! definitely one of the hard parts about being married...having to divide up holidays and I definitely know what that is like...
our families live on 2 different continents so one of us has to spend christmas away from their family.. this year its my turn again and I am NOT looking forward
I can see things being worse once we have kids since then we'll have to figure out how to celebrate since I grew up the good ol american way with santa coming at night and FH is Austrian and they have the 'christ child' bringing presents AND the christmas tree on christmas eve...

StarryEyedBride Posted: Dec 20, 2007 04:44 PM

Re: DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

families and holidays can be SO stressful!

It's tough, I know. DH's parents are divorced, so we have to fit in all three families and every holiday someone's feeling's get hurt becauase they feel they don't see their kids enough.

Try not to let that drama upset you and take the happiness out of it. Before you know it you'll be sipping coffee christmas morning with your fam!