DH & christmas.....so freakin long but I HAVE to get this out

& now I'm sitting her hysterically crying.....(it's so ridiculous, I know)

SO for the past 3 weeks now I've said to DH since we did Thanksgiving dinner w/ your family, that now we do Christmas dinner with mine. (fair, right?)

Our tradition with my immediate family is to do christmas morning breakfast in our pjs and open gifts together so since it's my nephews first christmas, I definitely wanted to keep the tradition (obviously DH and I would have our own first christmas morning together) and DH's family for the FIVE YEARS we've been together do nothing christmas morning,we usually open gifts together christmas night....so DH knew that we were going to my parents for xmas morning after we exchange.... I didn't think DH had an issue with it until last night I heard him say to my MIL that maybe we could do christmas morning and open gifts then....Ummm hello??? I have a nephew this year and for FIVE years now we have NEVER EVER done that...so I say nothing to him last night then he comes home just now and is like my Mom wants us to do christmas morning there......I busted into tears and then we got into a huge fight b/c he always has selective hearing and I told him how I totally heard him on the phone last night and that I thought it was totally wrong...etc...etc...

His thing was we do christmas eve at my parents house b/c for five years now we've never done anything with DHs family on christmas eve...which is true but his parents for the past 2 years (since my mom started catering xmas eve) come to my parents house for it......so we'll see them then, I told him we could go over his parents house after we see eddie (my nephew) & family christmas morning.....& then we are ending christmas night with his whole family.....

I'm so annoyed & upset & just allll sorts of emotional about the whole thing!! I've always done christmas morning at my house and even my sister last year (after being married) came to my parents house with her DH in there PJs and we all opened gifts and ate breakfast & now it's like WHAM....we're not doing that and I'm making that decision without even asking me....so we fought about it......

& now I feel bad he had to tell MIL that we weren't coming over for breakfast but could come after but he already knew that's what we always do....when we DATED he came over to my house christmas morning and not even with his family...so why does this change now? Why does it turn into we are seeing your family to much? How is it ok for me to not see mine for him to see his???


I'm SO sorry this is long but did anyone else go through b/c up until tonight this has NEVER been an issue, it's like he pulls out the 'we're married card now' but it was always alternate holidays while dating.



UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Feel better, I def think you need to re-express all of this your DH. I agree with you 100%

GOOD LUCK!!

Aww honey! I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from.My family has always been the big celebrators while Dh's famil is low key. But this year we almost got into it because of a similar situation to yours.

I think for the most part, the holiday season just riles people up. It was definetly wrong of him to do that without talking to you first, because the fact he DIDNT comes across like he KNEW he was doing something a bit sneaky. He's probably angry he was both caugth and called out.

I would give him time to calm down and then explain that its tradition to go to your fam's house and if he wants to start new traditions, you are open to the diea of alternating christmas mornings, but that this year you would really love him if he could support your need to go to your parents this year because your nephew is at the age where its really his first full out christmas.

If you seem open to negotiation, he will probably calm down. I dont know the particulars of course, but he might just be gettign rpessure from your MIL and he buckled; boys do that with their mommas.


We're all here for you! Keep us updaed.

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Posted by PeteysBride

Aww honey! I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from.My family has always been the big celebrators while Dh's famil is low key. But this year we almost got into it because of a similar situation to yours.

I think for the most part, the holiday season just riles people up. It was definetly wrong of him to do that without talking to you first, because the fact he DIDNT comes across like he KNEW he was doing something a bit sneaky. He's probably angry he was both caugth and called out.

I would give him time to calm down and then explain that its tradition to go to your fam's house and if he wants to start new traditions, you are open to the diea of alternating christmas mornings, but that this year you would really love him if he could support your need to go to your parents this year because your nephew is at the age where its really his first full out christmas.

If you seem open to negotiation, he will probably calm down. I dont know the particulars of course, but he might just be gettign rpessure from your MIL and he buckled; boys do that with their mommas.


We're all here for you! Keep us updaed.

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to calm the situation down...I told him I am totally open to changing that tradition (as much as that would literally crush me), I said I'm fine with if next we change it but don't spring this on me 6 days before christmas.

Thank you for your post, I know your totally right but I guess it's just the realization that if he wants to change his mind after 5 years of never doing anything with his family christmas eve and christmas morning that I have to be willing to change my traditions (even though it IRKS me that they've never done these things before)

I'm sorry Devon - everything will work out, don't worry!

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Posted by DNicholes

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Posted by PeteysBride

Aww honey! I TOTALLY understand where you are coming from.My family has always been the big celebrators while Dh's famil is low key. But this year we almost got into it because of a similar situation to yours.

I think for the most part, the holiday season just riles people up. It was definetly wrong of him to do that without talking to you first, because the fact he DIDNT comes across like he KNEW he was doing something a bit sneaky. He's probably angry he was both caugth and called out.

I would give him time to calm down and then explain that its tradition to go to your fam's house and if he wants to start new traditions, you are open to the diea of alternating christmas mornings, but that this year you would really love him if he could support your need to go to your parents this year because your nephew is at the age where its really his first full out christmas.

If you seem open to negotiation, he will probably calm down. I dont know the particulars of course, but he might just be gettign rpessure from your MIL and he buckled; boys do that with their mommas.


We're all here for you! Keep us updaed.

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to calm the situation down...I told him I am totally open to changing that tradition (as much as that would literally crush me), I said I'm fine with if next we change it but don't spring this on me 6 days before christmas.

Thank you for your post, I know your totally right but I guess it's just the realization that if he wants to change his mind after 5 years of never doing anything with his family christmas eve and christmas morning that I have to be willing to change my traditions (even though it IRKS me that they've never done these things before)

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I understand that. Maybe its just a phase because his mom is riding his butt or maybe as he gets older certain things like family are becoming more important to him.

I know I find that with ym DH; things he didnt do or say 5 years ago are suddenly becoming his new mottos and its driivng me NUTS. Its like 'i didnt marry THIS man..I married th other one.'

Its all abotu adjustements.I understand it hurts alot but maybe you guys can start your own traditions once you have kids like havign everyone come to your house?

well at least you can do both families, whether it's earlier or later in the same day...i have to give up every other year with my family & HATE it...all of DH's huge extended family live out of state...and i have 2 nephews and a niece that i miss when we do that...i feel your pain & frustration!!

Try and calmly talk to DH & go over your reasons and feelings about why this christmas especially is so important since you now have a nephew...men don't seem to remember anything when it comes to telling them stuff like this!!! hang in there!!!

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Posted by PeteysBride
I understand that. Maybe its just a phase because his mom is riding his butt or maybe as he gets older certain things like family are becoming more important to him.

I know I find that with ym DH; things he didnt do or say 5 years ago are suddenly becoming his new mottos and its driivng me NUTS. Its like 'i didnt marry THIS man..I married th other one.'

Its all abotu adjustements.I understand it hurts alot but maybe you guys can start your own traditions once you have kids like havign everyone come to your house?

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it's so nice to come on here and calm down & have people understand and not think I'm a total nut....really it is.....::breathing:: haha


When we have kids....I'm never leaving my house....everyone can figure out there schedules on there own haha

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I know I find that with ym DH; things he didnt do or say 5 years ago are suddenly becoming his new mottos and its driivng me NUTS. Its like 'i didnt marry THIS man..I married th other one.'

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OMG! sooo true! Before i came along DH was freakin living in ANOTHER country & hardly even did holidays with his family...but NOW we need to all the time!

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Posted by HamptonsBride

well at least you can do both families, whether it's earlier or later in the same day...i have to give up every other year with my family & HATE it...all of DH's huge extended family live out of state...and i have 2 nephews and a niece that i miss when we do that...i feel your pain & frustration!!

Try and calmly talk to DH & go over your reasons and feelings about why this christmas especially is so important since you now have a nephew...men don't seem to remember anything when it comes to telling them stuff like this!!! hang in there!!!

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This is part of the reason why we 'locked down' on alternating this year b/c my sisters husbands family is Upstate...so we were trying to get on the same schedule, so we'll be together every other holiday...which is why the whole thing irked me so bad.....b/c DH knew that my sister & I were trying to get on the same alternating holiday years haha.......is was working out fine until tonight


but you are right, I should be lucky (& so should DH) that we can see both sides of the family every year.

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Posted by HamptonsBride

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I know I find that with ym DH; things he didnt do or say 5 years ago are suddenly becoming his new mottos and its driivng me NUTS. Its like 'i didnt marry THIS man..I married th other one.'

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OMG! sooo true! Before i came along DH was freakin living in ANOTHER country & hardly even did holidays with his family...but NOW we need to all the time!

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Right???? Where did this come from???

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Posted by DNicholes


This is part of the reason why we 'locked down' on alternating this year b/c my sisters husbands family is Upstate...

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oh well if that's the case then he should understand, that you'd miss out big time then!

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Posted by HamptonsBride

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Posted by DNicholes


This is part of the reason why we 'locked down' on alternating this year b/c my sisters husbands family is Upstate...

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oh well if that's the case then he should understand, that you'd miss out big time then!

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one would think haha....he was like 'so you'll see your sister chrismas morning and then for christmas dinner' and I was like 'yea and next year.....I WON'T b/c she'll be upstate'

I love my DH....I love my DH....I love my DH!!!

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Posted by DNicholes

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Posted by HamptonsBride

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I know I find that with ym DH; things he didnt do or say 5 years ago are suddenly becoming his new mottos and its driivng me NUTS. Its like 'i didnt marry THIS man..I married th other one.'

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OMG! sooo true! Before i came along DH was freakin living in ANOTHER country & hardly even did holidays with his family...but NOW we need to all the time!

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Right???? Where did this come from???

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hahah...MEN! This sounds mean but i tell him i don't mind splitting during the holidays...he goes to his family & i go to mine...i love DH to death, but then i could spend like 18 hours at my bro's house without getting the 'I am tired, can we go now?' look...hahaha

Does anyone else ever look at how many times a thread has been looked at and how many responses there were on it......lol

This has 62 looks but only 4 of us have posted on it.....makes me laugh

---just a side note---

I think you just need hugs...I feel the same way. But, yes men have selective hearing. What you proposed was fair and he should stick with tradition

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Posted by HamptonsBride

they must either think we are boring or psychos??? haha

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You're so much more rational than I am. I would be completely flipping. My family is tight knit and I have my god-daughter and her brother to see Xmas morning. When I was talking to MIL (not anymore thankfully) she would constantly mention that DH and I need to split the holidays and spend more time with her. I would just smile. Like hel l am I going to give up seeing the kids and my family to sit in her house with just her and FIL to hear her complain. Luckily she told DH to F off and not bother coming for Xmas, so we're in the clear this year. I wasn't going anyway. He was going to go there on Xmas eve.

With it being your nephews first xmas, I think it's only right that you spend xmas morning in your PJs with him. Take lots of pics and then go to your ILs for dinner. They should understand. Next year when your sister is upstate, you can rotate and do Xmas morning with your ILs. It'll work out.

im sorry! i can understand why you felt upset and angry by it, i would be upset too. but im glad that he told your MIL youd be over after. i hope it all works out!!!