For Newlyweds Only - DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

JimmysBride Posted: Mar 08, 2005 11:52 AM

DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

DH is considering getting a 2nd part time job - nothing serious, just like working security or something...but at least 5 nights per week. The thing is, we don't really need the money THAT badly. It's not like we can't pay our bills. So I asked him why he wants this and he says so 'we can have more money'.

I would understand if we were struggling, or we wanted to save up for something big, or even if he only intended to do it until I went out on Maternity leave to save up enough to cover our expenses while I'm out so that I don't have to exhaust ALL my time (since I get ZERO paid maternity leave) but none of those are his reasons. Plus he intends to continue well after the baby is born.

We have worked out our household budget since getting married and paying our bills is no problem whatsoever. Yes, we are both ambitious and we'd like to have a bit more spending money left over at the end of each month - but we are fine. I even think we are going to be okay after the baby arrives, with daycare, etc. No we won't be able to buy new toys for ourselves every month but we both have new cars, we have a house, etc etc.

Anyway, I'll get to the point. I don't understand - and I have a problem with - him getting a 2nd job that will keep him out of the house until late every weeknight (and maybe some weekends) just as we are about to have a baby. Not only will that mean that 99% of the baby duties will fall on me (plus working full time), it also means that HE won't be around to spend time with his son! I have a big problem with this because I value the time we spend together much more than I would value the few extra things we'd be able to buy each month with the couple of hundred extra bucks he would be bringing in.

One more thing - we also run a side business that takes up maybe a total of 20 hrs of our time a month. But at least we make our own ours with the business.

SO...what do you think? Am I being unreasonable for objecting to this 2nd job? Would you have a problem with this or would you think it's a good idea?

nov04LIbride Posted: Mar 08, 2005 11:54 AM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

I don't know...It's not like he is going to bars, he is working for you and the baby...Even if it isn't money you need now, if he wants more for a retirement fund or a college fund for the baby...Honestly I would be impressed, only because my DH wouldn't give up his 'play time' for money for the family. He sounds like a really devoted guy.

usuk2004 Posted: Mar 08, 2005 12:06 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

While agree with Beth, I would be upset too. I would tend to think of it this way, though - you only have a few more months to be newlyweds, without children, so I would consider this time your quality time together, that you probably won't have again until your kids have grown and moved out of your house

For this reason alone I would ask DH to reconsider. Tell him that you admire his ambition, but the time you have together means much more to you than the money.

Does he have to work so much extra? Can he cut it down to one or two nights a week and one day on the weekend? Can you expand your side business so that he can work from home?

Good luck!

nov04LIbride Posted: Mar 08, 2005 12:14 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

Posted by usuk2004

While agree with Beth, I would be upset too. I would tend to think of it this way, though - you only have a few more months to be newlyweds, without children, so I would consider this time your quality time together, that you probably won't have again until your kids have grown and moved out of your house

For this reason alone I would ask DH to reconsider. Tell him that you admire his ambition, but the time you have together means much more to you than the money.

Does he have to work so much extra? Can he cut it down to one or two nights a week and one day on the weekend? Can you expand your side business so that he can work from home?

Good luck!

That is true. I would miss DH a lot without our nights! One or two nights a week sounds like a great compromise. Or ask him exactly what he thinks you need the $ to go towards?

palebride Posted: Mar 08, 2005 12:22 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

i wouldn't be upset - I think it's great that he's worried for the future and wants to make sure he can take care of his family

JimmysBride Posted: Mar 08, 2005 12:22 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

Posted by nov04LIbride
Or ask him exactly what he thinks you need the $ to go towards?

I did ask him. He said he just wants to 'have more money'. I asked if it was for vacations, furniture, etc. No. I understand he wants to have nice things and so do I... but what's the point if you don't even have the time to enjoy them?? Plus our position is only going to improve dramatically over the few years... raises, car loans and student loans will be paid off, etc.

dpli Posted: Mar 08, 2005 12:53 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

I actually have stong feelings about this and I will try to be diplomatic about it. I think as a society we place way too much value on 'stuff'. As a newlywed and as a mom-to-be, I don't think I could put a price on the time I would want to spend with my husband and family, so yes, I would be upset with this announcement. I think if the reasons for getting the second job were more for improving the quality of life for the family (saving for a house, buying life insurance, replacing a car so that the baby is safe, etc.) I would be more comfortable having him working so much. But, if it is just to have more spending money, I would take a closer look at what we are spending on, and try to make adjustments. JMO.

Kelly9904 Posted: Mar 08, 2005 01:14 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

Personally I agree with you. I would be upset! Not with him wanting to do it for now, but personally if it were me I would say after the baby is here I need you to help me with the duties! And I want you to be a part of our son's life from day one!

Even though you are fine with money, could it be pre-baby jitters that he cant provide financially for his family?

If I were pregnant I could see DH having similar feelings!

Anyway, I dont think you are wrong and I think it would upset me as well!

Good Luck!

princess99 Posted: Mar 08, 2005 01:55 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

I would not be upset. My DH is doing this now. There is nothing wrong with a DH who would like to earn a little extra money. I was a little leary at first becuase we also have had no problems with bills, but it is extra nice to know the money is going to a big trip or something extra. I would not be happy with him working 5 days a week maybe he can cut it back to 3 days a week. I can understand where u r coming from. This might be a good compromise. My Dh told me he rather do this now then be older and not have the energy to do it, I guess it is just being ambitious. HTH

nov04LIbride Posted: Mar 08, 2005 02:30 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

Posted by JimmysBride

I did ask him. He said he just wants to 'have more money'.

I don't know, I tend to be more like this. Before we got married, our officiant asked what money meant to us both. DH replied 'fun,' 'vacations,' and I replied 'security.' I would love to have a year salary in the bank just in case one of us got laid off, or our home wound up needing extensive emergency work for some reason....Just to have, you know? I'm not a big spender, but I like the security that it signifies. I just put a great deal more $ per month into my IRA and my retirement funds because at 26 I figure it'll be in there to grow the most until retirement. But, I agree, one or two nights a week seems like a good compromise.

tourist Posted: Mar 08, 2005 02:47 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

It would bother me, b/c I feel we have so little time together as it is. We are ok with moeny for now, but DH is very concerned about having more money for the future, so we are discussing investing more.

Ther are otehr ways to 'have more money' spend less, pay off loans, invest. . .etc. . .

It sounds like he just wants to contribute more & this is what he thinks will help.
Is he the type that always needs to be busy?

My father worked 2 jobs & went to school when I was little, but old enough to remember.
As a kid, I didn't think he was neglecting us or anything--parents work, that I understood, but I remember anxiously anticipating him coming home on Sundays.

thiadora Posted: Mar 08, 2005 03:37 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

At this point, I would not object. But our situation is also different. We are currently looking for a house so every penny we can save is helpful. My DH also likes to have a safety net in the bank in case one of us looses a job. (neither of us is in danger, he's just being cautious.) And we also aren't planning to start having children for another year or so.

That said- I don't think that I would feel this way if I were in your position (already have house and baby on the way ). Based on what you have written, I think that your objection is reasonable.

Maybe if you talk to him some more, you can find out what 'more money' actually means to him. (As another poster said, it means different things to different people.) If his reasoning makes sense to you, you might just change your mind (or he'll come over to your way of thinking.)

Sassyz75 Posted: Mar 08, 2005 03:44 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

My husband already has a 2nd job.
It's tough, but I don't object to it.
one day your baby is going to go to college or you could use extra $$$ so I'd say let him do it now while he can...

Mel_and_Dave Posted: Mar 08, 2005 06:59 PM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

I would not object. My husband works a second job from october to january. The rest off the year he works alot of over time. Maybe your dh has something in mind that he wants to surprise you with. Maybe he's just worried with the baby coming,and just wants to do something a little extra.

BCTM33 Posted: Mar 09, 2005 12:53 AM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

My husband currently works nights and occasionally works 2 jobs so I can go to school full time. It ***** not seeing him, but we do it for a reason.

If there was no reason, I think it would bother me too. Extra money is always great and probably a good thing to have around and save for a rainy day if you don't need it now, but time together is important too.

If money was no problem I would want my DH t work one job, during the day so we could see each other! I vote with you!

PS - Congrats on expecting!!

Monkeybride Posted: Mar 09, 2005 01:07 AM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

Yes I would object. Really as simple as that. If we didn't 'need' the money I would have a problem with it big time.

cocoa Posted: Mar 09, 2005 06:07 AM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

i would miss him a lot and with dh's current job, it just wouldn't work b/c we'd never see each other. but while i'd miss him, it would be good to know thatIF we needed extra money, it would be there. and i would use the time so that when we were together, it would be quality. you say you run a side business...maybe the time he's working, you could do work for that. but i agree that 5 days is a lot...3 might be different.

August2004 Posted: Mar 09, 2005 09:14 AM

Re: DH getting a 2nd job - would you object?

I would absolutely object to him getting a second job unless we could not pay our bills. I would rather be paying our bills and spending time together rather than not spending time together and having more money.