DH is on my sh!t list

DH is in Ocean City this weekend for his twin brother's bachelor party. That in and of itself I have absolutely no problem with.
Now a week before they were leaving they found out that there are no strip clubs in OC. So I went against my 'no strippers in hotel rooms' theory because I do kind of think (as dumb as it may be) that boys should have strippers for a bachelor party. I even went as far as to help him find companies and even made some calls to find avaliability. The one thing I told DH was that one stripper would be plenty since there are only 6 guys, and if they got two strippers it would be more of a live porno girl-on-girl type of thing- and that I definitely didn't approve of that. He left Thursday saying that they were only getting the one stripper.
He called me yesterday to check in and I asked him if the stripper was hot and he said she was ok. So now fast forward a couple of hours later and I'm talking to one of my friends whose boyfriend is also on the trip. Apparently he told her that they did in fact have two strippers, but they didn't do too much.
So now I'm livid at DH for lying about it beforehand and then not even coming clean after the fact. I'm going to wait for him to come home tomorrow and see if he fesses up. I plan on asking some leading questions and giving him the opportunity to tell me the truth. If he proceeds to lie, he and I are going to have a BIG problem.

That stinks... I hate the whole bachelor party stripper thing. I don't understand why getting married constitutes a stupid stripper. I would do the exact same thing...ask some questions and listen to see IF he tells the truth. Why should or would he lie? It will only make it worse. Good luck and try to stay calm.

That's terrible. I mean you were more than understanding and upfront with him and he should have definitely come clean (if he knew beforehand, if not, definitely when you spoke to him).

Let us know how it turns out

You are handling the whole situation MUCH better then I would be. I give you a lot of credit

I have to disagree and I'm sure I'll get flamed. It's kind of like you dangling the carrot in front of him but not letting him take a bite. You helped him arrange the stripper...but you put limits on what that would constitute. I think you were trying to control the situation, but in the end you couldn't and that's why you are upset. He didn't come clean because he didn't want to upset you. I do agree, however, that if you out and out ask him and he lies, that's unacceptable.

I'm glad you were so open minded about the stripper thing, but I wouldn't have even gotten involved in it because it would have make me crazy, like it's making you right now.

Sorry you feel so upset...I'm sending you hugs.

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Posted by Blu-ize

I have to disagree and I'm sure I'll get flamed. It's kind of like you dangling the carrot in front of him but not letting him take a bite. You helped him arrange the stripper...but you put limits on what that would constitute. I think you were trying to control the situation, but in the end you couldn't and that's why you are upset. He didn't come clean because he didn't want to upset you. I do agree, however, that if you out and out ask him and he lies, that's unacceptable.

I'm glad you were so open minded about the stripper thing, but I wouldn't have even gotten involved in it because it would have make me crazy, like it's making you right now.

Sorry you feel so upset...I'm sending you hugs.

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eh. not flaming. but, I disagree with the 'controling the situation' part. She and her DH had a discussion about what she felt comfortable with. As a married woman, I think she has every right to tell him not to partake in girl on girl stuff. She's a LOT more lenient than I am .

I am 100% against strippers and stripclubs of any sort. My last relationship ended because my BF got too much action at a stripl club. So, when I met my DH, I was very honest with him and told him that I am 100% against the whole stripper thing. Ironically, he agreed. His best friend ruined a relationship with a great girl because of too much fun at a strip club.

So, I think it's great that Nicole was as open as she was. And, I think she has every right to be pissed because she discussed her boundaries and it appears that her DH didn't respect them.

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Posted by Stefanie

That stinks... I hate the whole bachelor party stripper thing. I don't understand why getting married constitutes a stupid stripper. I would do the exact same thing...ask some questions and listen to see IF he tells the truth. Why should or would he lie? It will only make it worse. Good luck and try to stay calm.

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I actually disagree with this. I don't think it's fair to bait him He's already lied, and if he lies again, it'll only make you more upset. I would just ask him outright.

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Posted by usuk2004




I actually disagree with this. I don't think it's fair to bait him He's already lied, and if he lies again, it'll only make you more upset. I would just ask him outright.

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I am sorry- I feel the same- I would ask outright as well & just explain that you are so hurt and disappointed that he felt the NEED to lie.
Sorry you are dealing with this

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Posted by suven

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Posted by Blu-ize

I have to disagree and I'm sure I'll get flamed. It's kind of like you dangling the carrot in front of him but not letting him take a bite. You helped him arrange the stripper...but you put limits on what that would constitute. I think you were trying to control the situation, but in the end you couldn't and that's why you are upset. He didn't come clean because he didn't want to upset you. I do agree, however, that if you out and out ask him and he lies, that's unacceptable.

I'm glad you were so open minded about the stripper thing, but I wouldn't have even gotten involved in it because it would have make me crazy, like it's making you right now.

Sorry you feel so upset...I'm sending you hugs.

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eh. not flaming. but, I disagree with the 'controling the situation' part. She and her DH had a discussion about what she felt comfortable with. As a married woman, I think she has every right to tell him not to partake in girl on girl stuff. She's a LOT more lenient than I am .

I am 100% against strippers and stripclubs of any sort. My last relationship ended because my BF got too much action at a stripl club. So, when I met my DH, I was very honest with him and told him that I am 100% against the whole stripper thing. Ironically, he agreed. His best friend ruined a relationship with a great girl because of too much fun at a strip club.

So, I think it's great that Nicole was as open as she was. And, I think she has every right to be pissed because she discussed her boundaries and it appears that her DH didn't respect them.

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Do we know if he participated in the girl on girl stuff? Probably not because it all gets back. Also, if he was just an observer that could be the reason he didn't fess up. Gray area...let's see what he says.

i don't understand guys sometimes! you're so understanding and cool about the party bit and they STILL try and get away with stuff--geesh!

no excuse for lying...i'd really express myself about that. i'd always react better to the dirty truth than to a lie AND the dirty truth (because the truth always comes out and a lie just makes it worse!)

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Posted by Soon2bMsZ



You are handling the whole situation MUCH better then I would be. I give you a lot of credit

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I'm like Soon2bMsZ. I definitely wouldn't have even been able to handle this situation. I'm ok with strip clubs, even though I think they're raunchy (sp?), but I'm DEAD AGAINST private strippers. No way Jose !! You were more than flexible and he's silly for lying, but that's men for ya ! I hope everything works out

First, I give you alot of credit because you have handled this whole thing ALOT better than I would.

He probably omitted the part about their being TWO strippers because he wants to wait till he gets home to give you the full story so he can tell you to your face and make you feel secure that nothing happened rather than tell you over the phone, and have you get furious while he's miles away and can't even do anything to console you.

I hope I'm not giving him too much credit but that's what I think anyway. In which case, he should come clean pretty quickly. I would do EXACTLY what you are doing and lead him with the questions to see if he continues to lie.

I think you were way beyond reasonably understanding in this situation and you deserve to hear the straight up truth without having to play these games, so hopefully he'll come right out with it.

Sorry you are going through this!!!

So here's the update...
DH came home last night and he was telling me about the trip. What they had done, what bars they had gone to, etc... So he didn't mention anything about the first night when they had the strippers, so I brought it up. Since I had helped him plan the whole thing I had seen the girls pictures on the website, so I said 'which stripper did they end up sending' and he tells me that he doesn't remember. So I simply said you don't remember either of their names?' And he just looked at me.
So I basically went off on him telling him that he was sneaky and a lier and that was unacceptable. He feels that what he did wasn't so bad because it wasn't done intentionally (one of his friends wound up asking for the second stripper) He said even though I had told him I didn't want the two strippers that he didn't think it was really that big of a deal and that's why he didn't tell me in the first place.
Needless to say, I didn't really buy that story so DH spent the night in our guest room.
We faught again today and I told him that at this point I'm not even upset about the strippers, it's more that I'm upset because I feel he tried to be sneaky and do something behind my back.
The bottom line is, even though I far from appreciate the way he handled the whole thing, I do believe that nothing inappropriate transpired. So as of now, I'm still pretty pissed at him, but it will wind up blowing over. There's not much else I can do about it.

I think you handled it the right way. I would have done the same exact thing. Good for you!!!!!!

As for him... I would be upset for the exact same reasons. No matter what he did to upset/annoy me it hurts me so much more when he lies. When will men learn??!!!?!?!?!

I hope everything gets better stay strong!! I really do think you did the right thing

I also would have flipped because he lied.

I know I always worry that my DH will be afraid to tell the truth about something, for fear of 'getting in trouble'

Like when he dripped paint all over the carpet and was sneakily trying to clean it. I just laughed at him and told him he should have asked me for help. And, then I cleaned it up for him. Hopefully I sent the message that he can be honest.

IMO, lying is unacceptable, especially in this situation.

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Posted by suven

I also would have flipped because he lied.

I know I always worry that my DH will be afraid to tell the truth about something, for fear of 'getting in trouble'

IMO, lying is unacceptable, especially in this situation.

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i completely agree. DH and I almost always have a conflict over this, and he says if i trust him, it shouldnt be an issue.... but then when they go ahead and lie (or 'with hold details' ), how can they argue the trust factor.