Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

Was their a huge fight that caused either of them not to come? We are going through something that may result in this way. How did you guys deal with this fact and I'm sure it didn't end their are you continuing to have problems after the wedding? Are you ever thinking of forgiving them for all the disgust they have put you both through? forgive but never forget - never forgive never forget? I would like to hear your story.

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

I did not have this issue but I wanted to send you some support. What are the issues? Are the issues wedding-related such as 'we want 40 people invited but we are not helping you pay and if you don't invite them we are not coming' type stuff or are they very serious issues such as 'we do not agree with the two of you getting married?'

I think no matter what happens this will never just go away and you will never forget that they didn't show up.

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

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Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

I can relate ...and feel your disgust! My husband's father threatened to not come up until the final day. He even skipped the rehearsal dinner so we had to sweat it up until the last minute. He and my DH's stepmom. I have never and I mean NEVER turned off to a person faster in my whole life. He threatened every day starting in about February when we admitted we would be inviting his brother (husband's closest uncle) and their family who my FIL doesn't speak to. EVERY DAY. 'you are not my son if you do this', 'jennifer you have to talk to him and convince him not to invite his uncle', etc. The stress was unbelievable I cannot tell you. He went so far as to buy a ticket from California in September and CANCEL it two weeks later. Seriously I hate to say it put such a damper on our joy. I personally will never forgive him. Never. My husband did however and I pray every day that I will find it in myself to not be angry with my husband for that. It was so uncomfortable for us...for my family who were hoping to meet and spend time with them at the rehearsal dinner...for my MIL who paid for his and the stepmom's dinner (because of course they had RSVP'd yes)...


He showed up. He wore sunglasses on his walk down the aisle at St. Patricks' Cathedral in NYC. The disrespect was the most embarassing thing I have ever endured. I feel your pain. Please do your best to not give a ****. Seriously. I don't want you to look back and feel the bitterness I still feel.

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My issues range from everything my FI relationship with his father which is not very fatherly and not supportive, the fact that they don't want to be involved financily when capable in the wedding process/plans but have the nerve to demand such things to happen their way the way they want to see it; My parents are paying for everything and they are disrespecting them, they talk horribly to my FI constantly putting him down saying that he has nothing(my FI has everything - and everything was done on his own and they can't stand that he did not have to ask for their help in anything) They say he wasted his $$ in college (My fi graduated with his bachelors is in the financial field and is very happy he did that on his own too)They are very negative to him. I have been with him for almost 10 years (highschool sweethearts) and they treat us like we are 6 years old when they are the ones acting like children. My wedding is next month and I have been putting up with this garbage for almost a year (since engaged) they have been embarrasing the whole way through. I don't want them at the wedding afraid that they will act like the animals they are. This is my vent for today. The crazy part is parents feel they have done nothing wrong and they try to tell everyone they know that its my FI fault, my fault and my parents fault. My FI has an unbelievable close relationship to my family especially my father they both go fishing together work together on the weekends have beers together etc. I summed everything all up and I think its a big Jealously issue, control issue and the feeling that they feel they are losing a son so much drama its unbelievable. thanks for listening. If i talk to my family about everything that goes on it just adds more fuel to the fire so its good to talk to people like you guys and ask for advice on how to deal.

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

Yes
Both my parents did not come, nor were they invited, to my wedding. They were against the marriage- my father was against it becaus he has, my whole life, had an unnatural need for control, and my Dh and I were not giving him the control- i.e. he wanted us to live where he said, he even wanted Dh to quit his job and work for someone HE knew. He started making threats and being all sorts of mean. Then he dragged my mother, whom he was separated from for 4 years, into the mess, by letting her know that I was staying overnight at my DH's and lying about it (I was 25 years old!) and then SHE decided that she opposed the marriage too. There was a HUGE fight and I left my parents house with whatever of my stuff I could throw into a garbage bag while my father screamed at my DH and made threats. At the time of my wedding my parents and I hadnt spoken for 6 months.
Presently my mother and I are speaking again- she called and said she was sorry about a month after the wedding. It is difficult now, knowing she wasnt there. And yes there are still problems. SHe and my DH do not speak still. Each one has no problem speaking to the other, but feels that the other should apologize. That mkaes things extremely awkward for me and almost creates a situation where I feel like this is never gonna get resolved.
My father is still out of my life for many reasons, and my mother's as well. I walked myself down the aisle- no regrets.

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

I'm hearing all of your stories. It's a real shame :o( and we don't deserve any of this, nobody does. God help us and give us strength!

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

My husband's father did not show up to our wedding.. They had a blow out last December, right after X-Mas..

His father was DEAD wrong.. and under any other circumstances I would have talked my husband into talking things out and squashing it with his dad, but then his father's family intervened, making things worse, as well as alot of hurtful things that were being sad about he and I from his father..

My husband's mother, who HATES his father, even went over there secretly to beg and plead with him to go to the wedding despite their dif. but nope.. he didn't. My own father wanted to go there but I talked him out of it..

My husband told me that he didn't care at this point whether or not his father would be there. You see, his parents have been divorced for over 20 years.. and he turned his back on his kids and was never really there for any of his big moments..

but the truth is that although he decided not to come to any part of our day, and although Todd said it wouldn't make a dif, it did. At one point of our wedding night, while we were sitting and eating, he mentioned it to me.. he told me that he couldn't believe that his father didn;t show up and that he even looked over his shoulder once or twice to look but nothing.. and that now, b/c of him not going, he no longer wants his father in his life..

I can't say that he'll NEVER speak to his father again.. BUT I can say that it's something that he'll never forget...

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My MIL did not come to our wedding, she was invited although she dosn't have much to do with us.
We were all very close until I cancelled my wedding to DH 7 years ago..Me and DH went our seperate ways for a few years but then ultimatly I decided I did want to marry him.. She wouldnt come to the wedding becuase she still holds a grudge about what I did 7 years ago.
It is sad, I felt terrible for him and for our son who was like ' why isnt grandma here'
Even if she wants to hold it against me.. my god, go for your OWN SON..
I hope I never become so bitter and angry.
we still always try to include her in our lives becuase my DH says ' It's the right thing to do'

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

I'm truly sorry to hear the drama you are going through one month before your wedding - that ****s!!! However, sometimes a part of growing up is accepting when a situation is beyond your control and having the dignity to walk away from it without letting it destroy you, your FI or your soon to be marriage. Unfortunately, things like that can take a serious toll on you and your marriage eventually - take it from me. I went through something similar with my family. They were at my wedding, but we don't really speak anymore. I have had many crying spells and depression over this, but eventually it does subside and you do go on with life. What's important is you and your husband! If they are so evil, then leave them out of your lives. If they don't show up at the wedding, you'll still enjoy yourselves. Just remember the the people that are there are the ones that love you both and they are the ones that matter the most. Family can sometimes be out worst enemies because they know you best. Controlling and negative people can be like cancer in your life - it manifests and destroy your life and your happiness! It's best to stay away.

Don't let it get you down, you have a lot of great blessings in your life!

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

My FI's father and stepmother are not coming to our wedding. FIs father suffers from clinical depression and he just won't leave the comforts of his home. We totally understand, and are not upset in the least, this man has a lot of his own deamons that he deals with on a daily basis,.

I think another reason why he's not coming, he doesn't want to face FI's mother and step-father (his mother left his father for his father's best friend, which is now FI's step-father). Talk about drama!!!

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

I am reading these posts and my heart is breaking. I can not believe how some parents have behaved. There is nothing to replace the wedding of your children.

Curlysue - I hope all works out for you and your DH. I am sorry that you are having all this stress before your wedding.

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

I sometimes wish my father didn't come...but I played the role and it made my mom happy...(plus he footed part of the bill...), but when I see the pictures I sometimes twinge...but I know it was the right thing to do...


a friend of mine had her father leave (without looking back) her family...there were 5 kids...ages 5-13!! and he NEVER paid child support...she told her father that he could come...but he could not say a word...he didn't come...


its too bad that parents act the way they do...you cannot redo the day...I truly hope that my children never have to deal with a situation like this...

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

My parents' divorced when I was in my early 20's, and while my relationship w/my father before then wasn't the greatest, it became even more strained afterward. I tried my very best to remain a part of his life, but I was always making more of an effort and in many ways, my father just did not really want to be a father anymore. He is a very selfish man. I tried to include my father in my wedding plans, but my parents had a huge blowout about 9 months before my wedding, and this caused my father to take it all out on me. (Their blowout was unrelated to anything wedding). My father downright refused to take any pics w/my Mom and he went so far as to refuse to peacefully be in the same room w/my Mom.

This was EXTREMELY difficult for me, b/c I had never envisioned my wedding day without my father there. But even after I begged and pleaded with him to just come to the church and watch me take my marriage vows, he never bothered to show up.

I made it through my wedding day all smiles - b/c I truly was happier than I've ever been on that day - but, when I look back at the pics and video now, I still cannot believe that my own father never acknowledged that his little girl got married. I have not seen or spoken to him since 4 months before the wedding. I have a baby now and it is very difficult somedays to believe that he's never seen my child. Now that it's in the past, I might be able to accept that my father was not at my wedding - but I don't know if I will ever truly 'forgive' him b/c I just don't understand how his personal issues could be more important than seeing his daughter happy on her wedding day. And I can guarantee that I will NEVER forget....it's just not possible.

I wish you the best of luck - I hope that your situation can be resolved so that it turns out differently.

Re: Did your mom and dad or your husbands mom and dad not show up to your wedding?

This is the most helpful thread I have ever read in the year since I got engaged!!!! Thank you so much for posting this, CurlySue. I can't believe how many ladies are going through something similar! I thought all the parents on here were SOOO into their daughters/sons wedding. It amazes me that quietly these voices have come out.

I have planned my whole wedding myself with no help from anyone except my FH. My mother handed me a checkbook after I got engaged and said, here plan the wedding yourself. I have no time for a wedding right now. She has been so not a mother helping me that it is unbelievable. I've had to drag her to everything- and even, bought my dress without her ever seeing it. Other mothers are excited about their daughters wedding or help their daughters with anything they can for this big day.

And my father, has been the most disppointing of all. I don't know if he will come to the wedding. He is nickel and diming everything, counting up every penny even though he has so much money. He got engaged to his girlfriend shortly after me and is planning a November 1, 2003 wedding. My wedding is Sept 20, 2003. It's crazy. He never even toasted our engagement or said congratulations. Instead, he is still stuck on the fact that FH never asked him permission for my hand in marriage- which he would have rejected. He has said the cruelest things- FI is marrying for money, FI isn't as good as the guys his two twin stepdaughters are marrying, just awful..... He is back and forth about the wedding and I'm not so sure he is attending. It is awful!!!!!

On the upside, my FIL's are awesome! And are very sweet. They care so much.