Do you feel a part of HIS family?

michele31 Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:10 AM

Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Just a question for the day. Do you really feel like part of his family?
While I really do care for his family I don't feel like a part of it. They live in MA and I only have a few things in common with most of them. While I like them all, and when I am there, have a nice time, I don't feel like we are 'sisters' or anything.
How about you guys?

LizD Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:21 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

I really do feel like I am part of his family. I talk to his mother and his sisters all the time on the phone and we all get along great. His brothers and I joke around all the time. I even talk to his cousins and his aunt and uncle sometimes on the phone but mostly via e-mail on our own. He also talks to my family a lot and gets along great with them all also. We are lucky. We have gotten the 2 families together a few times, and everyone gets along really well, and joke around together and have a good time together.

shamma Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:25 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Where do I begin....ok I will not let this be a vent response, I will just say, there is no hate from me towards them. There is just no connection. I told Natasha that sometimes I wish I had a young SIL like she does. I wish we had some kind of connection. They are not mean people just old and cold I guess is the best way to put it. I wish it was better.

Cira Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:26 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

I do and I don't! My DH's family is divorced, so I feel closer to his Mom and her husband than his father and his wife! I speak to my MIL often and she even threw a party for my b-day! I love his niece and nephew and to them, I'm their aunt! I'm closer to one of his sisters vs. the other!
But it's still different than the way my family treats my DH. My family is just more warmer and welcoming ... maybe that's just a culture thing!

Valenia Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:31 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Time is on my side... my husband and I started dating when we were sixteen years old and we didn't have drivers licenses -- so we knew each other parents very well as they drove us on our dates for a year! One of his sisters, now in college, was still in elementary school -- so I've been around as long as she can remember, and I have seen her grow up! From the beginning they have included me in their events. His mom calls just to speak to me, not to say hi and pass the phone along. So yes, I definately feel like a part of his family (and very lucky).

Sonicstef Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:33 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Nope! We had dated 7 years by the time we were engaged and I know I will never be a real part of his family nor will I want to be around them for very long. They have never done anything terrible to me and I am cordial to them - I just dont particularily like them.

shamma Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:38 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Stef, tell me how you really feel

LisaW Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:38 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Nope! Not b/c I don't like them or they don't make me feel welcome, they are just so far away! His dad lives in Florida and I have only met him 4 or 5 times...the second time was at our wedding!! His brother lives in Buffalo and I have only met him 3 times! I met his 4 nephews for the first time last month!!

dgtlsunshine Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:41 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

nope

natasha Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:42 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

How do I put this. Our families are completely different so it is really weird for me. Mine is loving and fun, while his is sort of cold and distant. His mom is great and she means well. His sisters and I get along and we are cordial when we meet, but we are not friends per se. I speak to one of them every now and again, or rather when she needs something or advise on something. I think they have a like/hate relationship with me. It's really weird.

However, I am very close with my brother's wife.

michele31 Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:48 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

I find it hard to understand the differences. For instance my family would never just skip Scott's b-day. His family barely calls him and never sends a gift or even a card. That bothers me SOOO much because I make sure they all have a b-day gift and card, plus we call. Stuff like that drives me nuts and makes me feel less close, while it is just 'normal' for his family.

Niecey Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:52 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

No, not really. We also have different families and the differences are really difficult. I could go on forever but I guess I will leave it at that.

JennRenee Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:54 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Our families are very different. Different priorities, traditions, experiences, values.
I like them, I feel that we get along well, and I am eternally grateful to his mom and dad, because without them, there'd be no Patrick.
But do I feel like 'family'? No. And it doesn't bother me. I like what we have.

boosh78201 Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:57 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

As for his inlaws, Im not too crazy about them. I am nice to them when I see them, we just have alot of different views about certain things. But I love his family, 3 of his cousins were in my bridal party.

Elizabeth Posted: Feb 18, 2003 11:59 AM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

definitely! my dh has a great family. his older sister is like the older sister i never had and everyone made me feel very welcome right away. all his nieces and nephews are like my own even the older ones who did not know me for 12 or 13 years of their lives. im very fortunate

RichsBride Posted: Feb 18, 2003 12:02 PM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Where do I begin? Rich & I only met in March of 2001 so I'm hopeful things will improve with time. Rich's family is very small, but even so I can't say I feel like I'm part of it. My MIL lives in Florida, she's in her late 70's. I really love her & she has welcomed me & my son completely. She comes to LI several times a year & stays with us & I enjoy having her. She is very oblivious to the strange & unacceptable behaivor of Rich's older sister & her adult children. She cannot(or refuses) to see their true colors. That's 'the blood is thicker than water' rule I guess. I try to overlook that. Rich's Dad passed away shortly before we met, that makes me sad. Rich has two brothers with children in Florida, I have felt very welcomed & cared about by them, but we do not see them often enough to have a real relationship. Here on Long Island Rich has 1 eldery Aunt(whom I think is wonderful), 1 elderly Uncle & wife(whom I do not feel any connection to at all) and a 54 year old sister with 4 adult children. She prefers to keep in touch w/ Rich's ex-wife & be totally cunning & hurtful. She then plays really innocent & martyr-like. I have no siblings so I have been extremely disapointed by this aspect of my marriage. My family on the other hand, have welcomed Rich & his daughter with open arms, several of relatives called him to say happy birthday. We are going on a family reunion cruise w/ my family this summer & I know Rich & Nicole will be treated like they were born in our family.We are even taking Rich's Mom with us, my Mom, Aunt & Grandma all enjoy her company.

susans Posted: Feb 18, 2003 12:02 PM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

He doesn't have any siblings and his father and uncle are estranged. His mom is an only child, so that leaves no cousins. It's just DH and him mom and dad.

I e-mail his mom at least twice a week, she's taken to signing off her letters with 'mum' and we talk once a week. They very tight knit, DH and his parents, but I was embraced into their little trio, from the moment we met.
And the fact that I could hang out with them for 5 days before my wedding and another 5 after, without feeling the need to strangle anyone, says quite a lot. I was a bit sad after they left. So, yes, I suppose I do feel very much part of his family.

RichsBride Posted: Feb 18, 2003 12:06 PM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Susans_ ithink you have a great point about the time you spent w/ them.
Now that I'm married i think one of the tests of compatabilty should be getting locked up in a remote cabin somewhere with your FH & his family-if you all come out alive, you're meant to be together.

NovemberSue Posted: Feb 18, 2003 12:23 PM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

His family lives a few minutes away.They are very nice and easy-going. They have always made me feel very comfortable and like part of the family from day 1.

nrvbrd Posted: Feb 18, 2003 12:31 PM

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

FH and I have been together over 9 years. He does not have any sisters so I am the daughter his mom never had. I have a great fondness for them and I know it is reciprocated. Ok there is a but. While we do get along very well, I still find it hard to get used to their family structure. My family is very openly loving and close, we love doing things together. His family is very cold and distant at times toward each other. You will hardly ever see them throwing a party or GTG. It is strange.