Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

While we do come from very different families, I have to say that DH's parents do everything they can to make me feel like a part of their family. DH's grandparents also make a significant effort to make me feel like another grandchild and not just an in-law. DH's sister, on the other hand, is not so great at making her own brother a part of her life, so I didn't waste my time setting any unrealistic expectations in that area.

I think that DH has developed an even better relationship with his parents since we got together. I think he learned alot about keeping in touch with family more and recognizing holidays/birthdays with things like phone calls and cards, where as before we met, he and his parents didn't take much time to do that sort of thing. But, I have also learned that DH's family will never do things EXACTLY like my family does, and that is OKAY.

My in-laws and I actually have come so far just in the past 2-3 months. I have noticed a difference in the way my MIL communicates with me especially. She calls more often to just 'check-in' instead of sending emails, which had been a constant source of miscommunication between the two of us. She tries to be more thoughtful when offering advice or suggestions regarding anything. It is working out a lot better.

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Not really. My ILs live in FL, and we only see them maybe twice a year. They're nice people, but both DH and I have very little in common with them.

He doesn't have much family on the island - 1 sister who we try to see occasionally, and a few distant relatives who aren't that close.

Overall, it's not a close family, which is actually ok with me. My family is very close and tightknit, and we spend every holiday and gathering with them.

Claud - that's so true about most men not really having great communication skills with keeping in touch with family. My DH was horrible until we started seriously dating! He would rarely call anyone, sending cards NEVER happened, and unless someone called him they'd hardly speak! He's finally getting around to making more of an effort, but it's not without my help

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

I like FI's famly, of course my favorite is his brother, but I am not expecting to feel them as brothers or sister, or mon and dad, and I like it that way. I have my own brothers and sisters, and my parents; for me is enough that when I meet with FI's family we have a good time, IMO.

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Michelle we are ----->

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Hubby waits for me to say, let's send a card, but he was never raised that way, even to say I love you or hug to greet or hug to part, all this is so new to him. When he met my mom and she was so warm and huggy huggy I think he was a bit thrown. I see him trying to do it with his family. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks. I guess I expected the way my family is with him, I expected the same reception and when I did not get that, I was a bit disappointed.

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Not at all! My DHS mother has depended on my DH for many years financially to help her pay her mortgage and when we couldnt anymore with a mortgage ourselves and wedding, etc she blamed me. It was very unpleasurable dealing with them during the planning. I even had his sister in the wedding who I dont have much of a relationship with and it was probably a mistake. His brother on the other hand is always VERY sweet to me so we are friends. I have to say they have come around since the wedding and have been trying so I do appreciate that, but there will never be a closeness.

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

I get along wonderfully with DH's aunts, uncles and cousins and pretty well with his brother.

Everyone else looks at me like I am from another planet, which is pretty much fine with since I think they are from the next one over I just have absolutely nothing in common with his sister or sister in law, but they are nice.

But I do not like his father and step mother. They are manipulative, crass and mean and neither have too big a place in our lives.

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

If I agree with them then at the time I am treated like family, but if I have a differeing opinion, I am treated like not family. They try very hard to treat me like family, but it doesn't always come across that way. But, his mom gave my FH her mother's diamond, and he has a sister too, so that really made me feel like family!

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

I get along with DH's family for the most part. But I am a firm believer that less is more in this situation. I already have a huge family of my own to deal with.

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

I have NEVER felt like a part of his family, nor have I ever been treated as such. Fine for me, considering they are a bunch of FREAKS.

Bob's grandmother rocks though. She's the sweetest/funniest woman. We clicked instantly because we see things from the same point of view. She is totally onto the games MIL/SIL/BIL/FIL play. Too bad she gave birth to the anti-Christ, but what can you do? She hates her own daughter almost as much as I do - mainly because she's been a misery of a daughter towards her. Bob's mother is totally jealous of the relationship I have with her own mother but hey, if she was a kinder - less manipulative person, maybe she would be liked by her as well. b

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

C'mon Sharon, don't hold out on us... how do you REALLY feel?

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

yes. they are very nice people and I am very fortunate. It helps that we are both so close to our families and make it a priority to spend time with both.

Re: Do you feel a part of HIS family?

We just spent the weekend with the in-laws upstate! I love his parents, his family is a lot different then mine which I like. My family can be rather stuffy at times, while his relatives are pretty much the exact opposite. Plus they like to drink which always makes it a good time.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes they annoy me (particulary if they offer unsolicited advice) but hey if they didn't would they be family?!