Do you send a Thank you to.....

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by What

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by TM2008

wow. thats just rude if you ask me.

it depends on who this person is... i would maybe just send a regular card TY but not the picture TY

JMO

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Which is rude--Not giving a gift or not sending a thank you?

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to be honest, i think they're BOTH rude.
I would never attend a wedding without bringing a gift, so while I think it's RUDE to show up without a gift, I also think it's rude to EXPECT people to bring a gift...

additionally, it would be rude for someone NOT to send a thank you card..

would you not send a thank you card to someone who gave you a gift you didn't like? you know?

Its just courtesy

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Just to clarify, the person who is not getting a thank you was not even invited.

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for you? or the OP.

I think someone univited, showing up at a wedding (WITHOUT a gift or card) is rude and yes, I can see not sending them a thank you

but if someone was invited to your wedding, gift or no gift... even cards... should still get a thank you.

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Posted by snwb08

if they came to the wedding and didn't give a gift, I'm still sending a thank you.

if they didn't come, didn't give a gift, no thank you; if they didn't come and did give a gift, thank you.

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Exactly what I'm doing. But I will say we are still getting gifts almost 3 months later. We just got a card with a check from DH's parents' friends last week!

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by What

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Posted by futuremrsfab

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by TM2008

wow. thats just rude if you ask me.

it depends on who this person is... i would maybe just send a regular card TY but not the picture TY

JMO

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Which is rude--Not giving a gift or not sending a thank you?

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i think she might have meant your guest that showed up & was not invited

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oh hmmm that's a tough one.
why would anyone show up to a wedding they weren't invited to?

I need to know background.

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She is a distant family member who disappears for months and sometimes years before she resurfaces again. Up until a few months ago, we didn't even know where she was living! Apparently, she found out about my wedding through another family member but never made any mention that she would like to come. Is she had, I totally would have invited her.
The morning of the wedding, my cousin in Brooklyn gets a knock on her door and this crazy lady is standing on her doorstep (she flew in from Miami) and tells her that she's coming with her and her family! When I saw her there I damn near fell over. Then during the reception, she pulled the maitre'd aside and asked to have a place setting at the head table.

This is why I've decided that she will not get a thank you. IMO I really have nothing to thank her for.

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what a weirdo.

only thing I can think of is that weddings are handled VERY differently in other parts of the country than the way they are in NY... etiquette is COMPLETELY different.

We had one of those and it was because the night of our RD, one of DH's friends says 'oh we're not exchanging, right?' We got married in December of 07 and he is getting married April of 09 but we just didn't know what to say, we were cornered. So they didn't give us anything and we're not giving them a gift. but I still sent a thank you.

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Posted by MattandTricia07

We had one of those and it was because the night of our RD, one of DH's friends says 'oh we're not exchanging, right?' We got married in December of 07 and he is getting married April of 09 but we just didn't know what to say, we were cornered. So they didn't give us anything and we're not giving them a gift. but I still sent a thank you.

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hahaha what a weird thing to say!!!

but it kinda makes sense... now you don't have to worry about bringing a gift to their wedding.

did they give you a card at least?

You can send a thank you thanking them for attending and for being there to celebrate with you. It is the proper thing to do. We ahd one couple like this and I wanted to send them one but Dh wouldnt let em because he was mad they didn't at least give a card- and because they gave his sister a gift and her wedding was only a couple months before ours. His family- his decision...

what a weirdo.

only thing I can think of is that weddings are handled VERY differently in other parts of the country than the way they are in NY... etiquette is COMPLETELY different.

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Yeah, she's just a mess. I completely agree that things are done so differently in other places. I would never EVER think to show up at an event uninvited, but maybe thats ok wherever she was living at the time.

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Posted by What

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by TM2008

wow. thats just rude if you ask me.

it depends on who this person is... i would maybe just send a regular card TY but not the picture TY

JMO

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Which is rude--Not giving a gift or not sending a thank you?

---

to be honest, i think they're BOTH rude.
I would never attend a wedding without bringing a gift, so while I think it's RUDE to show up without a gift, I also think it's rude to EXPECT people to bring a gift...

additionally, it would be rude for someone NOT to send a thank you card..

would you not send a thank you card to someone who gave you a gift you didn't like? you know?

Its just courtesy

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I agree that both are rude. I also think if someone can't afford a gift, that it is perfectly fine to give a card expressing well wishes. I think its rude to not at least give a card. If someone only gave me a card, I'd be perfectly fine with it and wouldnt consider it rude.

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by futuremrsfab

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by TM2008

wow. thats just rude if you ask me.

it depends on who this person is... i would maybe just send a regular card TY but not the picture TY

JMO

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Which is rude--Not giving a gift or not sending a thank you?

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i think she might have meant your guest that showed up & was not invited

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Thats what I was leaning towards but was just checking I've had quite a few people tell me I should thank her for crashing my wedding AND pulling the maitre'd aside and asking him to put an extra place setting at the head table for her

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ew I wouldnt send a thank you either. Thats just plain rude!

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Posted by What

of course! They came to your wedding which *should* be more important!

(I'm not saying that you shouldn't be peeved if they DIDN'T give a gift...)

I had at least 10... It happens.

Just write:
'thank you for spending our special day with us' or something,

remember... sometimes, people SEND a gift afterwards... a few of my cousins are known for this..

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ITA, I sent them to everyone who attended, those that didnt give a gift got 'thank you for spending our day with us' ...... thats it

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Posted by GinaZ

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by futuremrsfab

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by TM2008

wow. thats just rude if you ask me.

it depends on who this person is... i would maybe just send a regular card TY but not the picture TY

JMO

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Which is rude--Not giving a gift or not sending a thank you?

---

i think she might have meant your guest that showed up & was not invited

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Thats what I was leaning towards but was just checking I've had quite a few people tell me I should thank her for crashing my wedding AND pulling the maitre'd aside and asking him to put an extra place setting at the head table for her

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ew I wouldnt send a thank you either. Thats just plain rude!

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Rude and CRAZY!!!!

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Posted by Jenn04

No we did not send them a thank you. Many will chastize me for this but I refuse to send a note to someone who blatantly stiffed us for no reason!

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I agree... they already got a free night out.. food, alcohol, dancing... what do they need a thank you for? They should be thanking me!

In my case, all the people who stiffed us were my aunts, uncles, & cousins, who did it out of spite because they have some anger towards my mom so decided to take it out on us (didn't find out about this until after they came to the wedding)... lots of hostility there... so we no longer speak to them (because of other issues) and they are definitely not getting a TY. Everyone else gave a gift so they all got TY's.

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by TM2008

wow. thats just rude if you ask me.

it depends on who this person is... i would maybe just send a regular card TY but not the picture TY

JMO

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Which is rude--Not giving a gift or not sending a thank you?

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its rude to show up to a wedding that you are invited to with NO gift... i mean, if you are going through $$ issues, then i would still give a card and explain the situation, or i would give whatever i could OR you can buy the B&G a gift... even thougth i know some ppl are totally anti giving an actual gift & not $$ - but hey - if you are short on cash - get them a nice gift that you can find on sale... its the thought that counts.

i also think its TOTALLY rude to show up to a wedding that you werent invited to AND on top of that NOT bring a gift!!! *** is that about?!

there were people who did not show up to my wedding (im talking - good friends) that did not have the respect to CALL me to tell me they werent coming... that is really rude also - esp good friends/family!!

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Posted by TM2008

its rude to show up to a wedding that you are invited to with NO gift... i mean, if you are going through $$ issues, then i would still give a card and explain the situation, or i would give whatever i could OR you can buy the B&G a gift... even thougth i know some ppl are totally anti giving an actual gift & not $$ - but hey - if you are short on cash - get them a nice gift that you can find on sale... its the thought that counts.

i also think its TOTALLY rude to show up to a wedding that you werent invited to AND on top of that NOT bring a gift!!! *** is that about?!

there were people who did not show up to my wedding (im talking - good friends) that did not have the respect to CALL me to tell me they werent coming... that is really rude also - esp good friends/family!!

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I agree with you -- a good friend (and her boyfriend) are pretty low on cash and always have been. Instead of showing up empty handed they made us a gift -- he's a great photographer and went around taking pictures of things that looked like the letters of our last name. They printed the photos and framed them in a sheet of glass and a frame and when we get it out here we'll hang it in our home. a lot of thought went into it and we really appreciate it. I havent had a chance to go through our gift list and see who we didn't get gifts from -- aside from the best men and groomsman who acknowledged that they didnt give us gifts because they want us to pick it out (look on our registry guys!) there isn't really anyone I can think of... it will be interesting to see

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Posted by ant n tilde

Of course. Just write: Thank you so much for sharing our special day with us, it meant so much to have you there!

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I agree

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Posted by zoe282

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by futuremrsfab

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Posted by LoveRocks

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Posted by TM2008

wow. thats just rude if you ask me.

it depends on who this person is... i would maybe just send a regular card TY but not the picture TY

JMO

---

Which is rude--Not giving a gift or not sending a thank you?

---

i think she might have meant your guest that showed up & was not invited

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Thats what I was leaning towards but was just checking I've had quite a few people tell me I should thank her for crashing my wedding AND pulling the maitre'd aside and asking him to put an extra place setting at the head table for her

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I disagree a little bit with it being rude NOT to send a thank you car to someone who didn't give a gift....here is my thought.....They should've at least given a card. I totally understand if people have financial issues and can't afford a wedding gift...fine....but I also think that a card wishing you well and congratulations is expected. That way you know that they cared. I did not send a thank you to those who didn't give me a gift....That is my personal opinion...i thought they could've sent their best with a card adn I would've been most appreciative....

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I agree...come on a card is 3 dollars...write a little note to us saying how happy you are...