doc dilemma

any help would be appreciated...

my doc is a recent bride who thought she would love to do this as a new career. she placed an ad on craigslist offering her services in exchange for a letter of recommendation and travel expenses.

we struck up a good deal. she came out to meet with me twice and then the wedding.

during most of the 'pre-wedding' time, she was a little cold. i had a tight budget and was doing a lot myself. so i didn't worry too much about it.

on the day of the wedding, she was late. she didn't set up A LOT of things that she and i had agreed on. in the end, i was NOT happy with her services.

the catch is: i had asked her to make sure she brought my caketopper to the hotel. she said that she got lost that night and didn't make it to the hotel. .... so, she has my caketopper.

how on earth am i to deal with this. i HAVE to see her bc she has something that i highly value, but i can not, in good faith, write a letter of recommendation.

what is a girl to do??

any ideas will be appreciated

thanks for reading

tia

They are two separate instances, I would have her ship the cake topper to you if possible, otherwise, have someone else meet her to get it.

In regards to the letter of recm'd - you have to be honest and factual. It's important that she is aware of why you are unhappy with her services, that way she can go forward and hopefully 'learn' from her mistakes.

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Posted by ChrissynRicky

They are two separate instances, I would have her ship the cake topper to you if possible, otherwise, have someone else meet her to get it.

In regards to the letter of recm'd - you have to be honest and factual. It's important that she is aware of why you are unhappy with her services, that way she can go forward and hopefully 'learn' from her mistakes.

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I agree...she doesn't deserve a glowing review..how close of a friend is she? Do you want to burn the bridge? Good Luck with this.

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Posted by sunflower13
I agree...she doesn't deserve a glowing review..how close of a friend is she? Do you want to burn the bridge? Good Luck with this.

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she isn't a friend. it was a business relationship. it's just that i'm not sure how to handle having to meet with her again so i can get my caketopper back.

there's a part of me that wants to let her keep the caketopper. i can buy another one. this way i don't have to see her again.

i know that's being a coward, and i won't do it, but that's how i feel

is this person a fellow LIW'er?...is there a chance she'll see your post and realize what a bad job she did and learn from her mistakes? this way you dont have the awkwardness of saying the words. if she's not an LIW girl, then i agree with Christine. you have to be honest with her. and dont buy another caketopper, it's not the same one you used on your day of and it has senitmental value. it's yours and you deserve to get it back!

I would meet her in person to pick up what she has of yours and I would tell her that she really let you down. and that consequently, you will be unable to provide a letter of recommendation.

IMO, she should be thankful for it and take it as constructive criticism.

The caketopper is yours regardless, she has no right keeping it. That is a separate issue than the letter of recommendation. I too, don't like confrontation so I know how you feel, I'd ask if she can ship it to you via email or leave a message for her.

But if you weren't happy about her service to you, then there's no need to lie, you can say what you liked about her services, but then leave out what you didn't like or tell her ahead of time how you feel.

Especially if she is just starting out she needs to know how she can improve upon her service.

I posted on your other thread but I am not sure where my post went. Get your cake topper back, it's something you'll always treasure from your wedding. In fact, she should be calling you to remind you that she has it.

I still think that you should write a letter addressing your concerns, and indicate in the letter that if she provides you with what you need now (cake topper, anything else you want to ask of her), then you will write a letter saying what you liked about her services, without saying anything that is not true.

I would definitely set up a time to pick up your cake topper. It doesn't have to be an extended meeting - just a grab & go Has she specifically asked you for a letter of recommendation? If she asks for it when you meet up with her, tell her that you haven't had a chance to compose it yet since you're working on wrapping up all of your post-wedding tasks (thank yous, albums, etc.). She can't hold your caketopper hostage