Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

This might be my first real inlaw problem. My MIL passed a comment to me this weekend after I told her that I'm doing really well at work. She said 'well what are they going to do when you have to quit and have your babies'. I just responded 'well, I'm not quitting just yet, or having babies, so I can't really answer that'. And she went on to say 'well, how long will you work into your pregnancy'. And just kept pushing and pushing until I said 'this isn't up for conversation'.

My inlaws have a pretty old school train of thought, that once a woman has a baby she needs to stay home and that's it. And, only when the child is old enough and in school should mommy return to work. I haven't made any solid decisions as to what I'll do when I get pregnant regarding work, and a good part of me believes I will need to keep working (for purely financial reasons). I just don't feel the need to respond or justify what we will do when that time comes.

I guess my question is how to I handle these comments and keep the peace?

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

Just smile and keep your comments to a minimum.

You are on the right track now. Just say we have not ironed all the details out yet.

I know what you really want to say is MIND YOUR F@%KIN BUSINESS- but that would not be nice.

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

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know what you really want to say is MIND YOUR F@%KIN BUSINESS- but that would not be nice.

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Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

I agree Misty...I think you did fabulous by responding 'this isn't up for discussion!'

Whatever your in-laws 'school of thought' is doesn't apply to your marriage - and they should be intelligent enough to KNOW that!

If the comments continue to fly, perhaps you'll have to ask your DH to step up and put his parents (and their opinions) in their respective places - not in a disrespectful way, but just letting them know that its YOUR (& DH's) decision when the time comes, and while they THINK they are just being 'helpful' it is ultimately more helpful if they keep their comments to themselves

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

DH likes to joke that his goal is to be Mr. Mom, because he thinks I am going to move up the ladder faster than he. It's totally a joke, because there is no way I would want him to ever do that. He mentioned it to his mom once in passing, purely as a joke and being sarcastic. A week later I got an earful on the phone about how 'that's just not right' and how she just doesn't agree with that because that's not how it's supposed to be.

Ugh I'm sensing serious issues brewing.

If it keeps up I'm going to have to ask him to step in. I knew things couldn't be this easy.

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

Exactly what Claud said.

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

Misty!! I love that line!!!! PERFECT...b/c my SIL told me that I would be a bad mother if I worked and she would come and take the baby away from me...granted she was drunk at the time...like she is everyday...and I'm the bad mother...

but I love your line!!! It is going to be mine now!!! my MIL loves that I want to do both...she was a single working mom...so she appreciates it...and has offered to help

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

Ugh I hate that.
My sister in law (bro's wife) has been nagging me since she had her son over 4 years ago (before I even met Jim). Like I'd be some sorta moster mother for not staying home.

Now that we're married it's as if we NEVER settled on agreeing not to discuss this. Since she isnt one of my favorite people (nor do I hate her) I just play with her now.

First off.. I make the money, Jim doesn't. I have the ladder to a even more money, he doesn't so why NOT make him Mr. Mom? What REALLY shafts their butts is my inlaws (Jim's parent - mom) and his grandmother would love to help raise a baby. My stepmother and sister in law think that's just horrid. Allowing the chinese to raise my child.. (who they seem to forget will be half chinese).

For now.. its all just smiles and shrugs. Last I heard from my father, my sister in law and stepmother are still in a heated debate about this. Which Im not sure I understand since *I* haven't been a part of it for at least 5 months?

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

My IL's are very similar. They think that you shouldn;t work when you have kids and cannot understand why I would even want to. They also cannot understand how I go into the city everyday for work and 'stay out late' there atn ight. So you can see they sorta live in a bubble! Your line is great and I would ask my DH to step in if it comes up again.

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

My in-laws say nothing - however, my mom is the WORST. My DH is self employed and if I don't work we don't have medical benefits so I have no choice. He already works 6 days a week so another job is not an option.

My mom then says - well then you shouldn't have kids.

Ugh.........

I've learned you'll never please everyone - do what makes you and DH happy. If they don't like it then they can't see their grandchild

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?

My father in law is old school Italian and believes that women should not work after having children. Period. Sorry, I didn't go to law school to only raise children. He wouldn't dare say anything to me though though. When he's expressed this belief it was never directed to me and he knows that I will always work.

Re: Does anyone else feel pressure from inlaws to not work?