I am feeling like we spend a lot of time in each other's presence lately, yet, somehow we don't spend time together. Does that make sense? Like, I feel lonely, even when I'm with him. JT's been so happy since the wedding, but I feel like he doesn't hug me or kiss me as much as before the wedding. I talked to him about it last night, and he said that he feels a little disconnected as well, but that he thinks it's just because we're spending so much time with our friends since we've moved closer to them. But I just feel like, hello, we just got married, shouldn't you WANT to hold my hand or hug me or SOMETHING? I just feel so lonely even being next to him lately He promised that we'd spend next week just me and him trying to pay more attention to each other, but I'm just feeling sad about the fact that we have to TRY to be near each other.
Irishbride
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
My DH and I go through this every once in awhile. We have talked about it and now we make in effort to spend quality time together.
LovelyL
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
I feel extremely close and connected to DH right now...... but right after the wedding I did not. I felt exactly like you do. Did you two live together long before the before? We didn't live together until after the wedding. And so when we saw each other, it was mostly when we had free time. Now that we live together, we are together more, but that doesn't mean we have any more quality time together. We each attend to various household chores and still take care of our personal business. So we feel like we should have more quality time together, but we don't.
Also, being married is a sort of psychological adjustment, I don't know why...it just is. So you both are dealing with this new situation at the same time.....so you tend to be a little more short tempered with each other than normal.
Give it a few more weeks....I guarantee you the two of you will find your groove.
Sorry so long!!!
prncssrachel
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
Thanks girls. We have lived together for three years, and I guess we do go through this every now and then, but I feel like we are failing as a married couple already. I don't know. I just want to feel like we spend time together that actually matters. Not just time togethr in the same room.
Sweetd
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
Yes sometimes. But in a different way. Dh is not used to consenting someone else when he makes important decisions. Both of us have never been married before. We never lived together before we got married, but we dated for 5 years, before we got married. I guess he has to adjust. I adjusted a lot sooner and I wish he would have too. Dh just never considers me in any of his financial or any decisions for that matter. I do feel disconnected in a way. I include him in every decision, that I make financially and otherwise.
He has a problem, letting me in and discussing very important matters with me. I tell him that he has to try to get used to it, b/c that is the way a marriage works. He spends his money foolishly, without consenting me. I don't want him to ask me every time he wants to buy something, just with somethings(especially since we don't have that much money right now). It has been 8 months and no change. Hopefully soon this will change. But yes, I do feel disconnected at times.
Sonicstef
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
I think you are doing the right thing by talkign about it early on. That way you can both work to correct it.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. We all go through phases of a relationship. As long as you are both on the same page, things will fall back into place.
Sweetd
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
I think you are doing the right thing by talkign about it early on. That way you can both work to correct it.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. We all go through phases of a relationship. As long as you are both on the same page, things will fall back into place.
Sonicstef
Thanks, I think you are right.
wood2be
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
DH and I have gone through the same thing. there are times when I feel very lonely! He lived alone for 10 years and I always lived with my Mom or housemates. So at night, he's used to 'quiet time' and I can't shut up. IT's been a difficult adjustment for us.
Sweetd
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
It seems like most newlyweds just have to some how work out the kinks. Its a normal thing that all couples go through one time or another, I am sure. It is a big adjustment. Everyone (well most) are used to 'their way' of doing things. I think more so for guys. I believe that our marriage is strong enough to get us through it. Hopefully, sooner than later.
Janice
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
DH and I had lived together before the wedding and had dated for 6 years, and I have to say, that the first 3 months after the wedding were the most awkard I have ever experienced. The day after the wedding EVERYTHING felt different. We never fight with each other, but it was almost like we had nothing to say to each other. We would just walk together silent. Then we adjusted and are as good as new.
bluesashbride
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
you're not along in having a few growing pains...DH and I have our 'growth spurts' as I like to call them, but talking about it is the key. everything will okay as long as you communicate. IMO its better to talk, grip, vent, argue (fight fairly though), WHATEVER ya'lls deal is, than retreat and be silent--that's when the real damage is done.
it really will fall back into place. might be a little post-wedding blues too and those too shall pass.
LadyPrincess
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
it happens. My DH works nights & me days so we only have the weekends - I know the feeling cuase i spoke to DH abt this last week - and the Sat he came with me while i did errands all day. i really appreciated that.
Blu-ize
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
I think since after all the wedding planning now you don't have that to discuss and make decisions. There will be an adjustment period, but try not to over analyze it. Things will fall into place. This is completely normal. Also, as you move along in your marriage things change, as long as you keep communicating you will be fine. Your marriage will have valleys and peaks and adjustments will be made. Try not to panic and try to enjoy being married w/o all the worry.
SomethingBlu
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
Hi sweetie! I just came on quickly to tell you that you're not alone. While I don't necessarily feel 'not connected' to my DH (and that's because I'm too busy to notice, so if I analyze it, yes, we're def not connected) he greeted me last night at the door and almost attacked me with a big bear hug. I was like WT*F? Then he said, 'I miss you, I miss the closeness we had during planning, don't you miss planning?' all in one breath. Seriously surprised me because he's not the mushy type at all. It completely made me think of you. Then he said that he was thinking about the wedding all day (another shocker) and really misses planning it mainly because we did so much (OK, everything) together. So clearly that disconnect is very normal and it affects both partners...in my case it's him that feels the distance. I thanked God that he was able to tell me and will make conscious efforts to be 'present' instead of just side by side. Thank you for posting this, it made me better able to respond to him yesterday. And no worries girl, you are NOT failing...you are, if anything, excelling for recognizing something early on and working toward a common happiness.
Best wishes!
Kathy116
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
Can you two get away for a quite weekend together? I always find that when I'm feeling disconnected from DH a little getaway always reconnects us.
For me, I usually feel this way when he's working too many hours...this past week he's been doing 13 hour days.
smilealways
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
I feel that way too. I think some of it's my fault b/c I'm fighting some depression, but it's also b/c we aren't taking to this new 'stage' very well. I remember reading your post on another thread about booking a Disney vacation so you'll have something to look forward to. We can't afford a vacation, so for me, the 'something to look forward to' is the next stage... house-hunting. And that's where the arguing comes in. I have a sanity-saving need to get out of the city, DH wants to stay a little longer. We ARE going looking at some places in CT (where we've already agreed we'll end up after we leave here) this weekend, but DH has already made up his mind that there's no chance of us putting down an offer until at least January, where I'm still hopeful that we might find a place we like and can afford. I guess it's causing a little tension between us.
May2004
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
Posted by prncssrachel
I am feeling like we spend a lot of time in each other's presence lately, yet, somehow we don't spend time together. Does that make sense? Like, I feel lonely, even when I'm with him. JT's been so happy since the wedding, but I feel like he doesn't hug me or kiss me as much as before the wedding. But I just feel like, hello, we just got married, shouldn't you WANT to hold my hand or hug me or SOMETHING? I just feel so lonely even being next to him lately
s to you.
Just this past week I've been feeling this same way too I think its a faze and it will pass
Jax430
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
Rachel, you definitely aren't alone. You just described how I felt for a long time after our wedding. We would be doing stuff in the same room, but wouldn't be 'together'. I find that every once in awhile, we have to make a special effort to do things just for us, like instead of being on our computers separately, sitting down and playing a game.
I think that a lot of the feeling of disconnection is b/c you've just gone through this huge event that connects you, then you it ends, and you return to real life, where you are both individuals who do your own thing.
prncssrachel
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
Posted by Jax430
Rachel, you definitely aren't alone. You just described how I felt for a long time after our wedding. We would be doing stuff in the same room, but wouldn't be 'together'. I find that every once in awhile, we have to make a special effort to do things just for us, like instead of being on our computers separately, sitting down and playing a game.
I think that a lot of the feeling of disconnection is b/c you've just gone through this huge event that connects you, then you it ends, and you return to real life, where you are both individuals who do your own thing.
Thank you. I think this has A LOT to do with it. We're both so busy with our friends, he started a new job before the wedding, and we just moved into our new place. Lots of things happening at once. While I am enjoying my 'alone' time, it would just be nice to spend time doing things together.
Thank you to everyone who responded. It's nice to know that it's not just us. But I do have to say that I feel so lucky to have JT. Again, last night, we talked about this, and he is being so wonderful. He agrees that we are not as connected as usual, and that he really wants us to make that effort to spend quality time together. It's also very hard because we really and truly are best friends, so we get along amazingly, we just don't always show each other enough affection. We also have a very intertwined group of friends. There's a group of 8 of us, and we all spend a ridiculous amount of time together, and when we are with them, I think JT and I just act like we're friends with each other, and not husband and wife. Needless to say, we both agreed that it's something we need to work on, and while it ***** that we have to TRY to do this, it's important and we really can't let it go. Thanks again, ladies.
nferrandi
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Re: Does anyone feel disconnected from their DH?
I can relate. DH and I are together a lot, but sometimes I feel like we're in our own little worlds even when we're together. I think in a way, it's fairly nromal to feel that way from time to time. Relationships cylce through high times and lower ones. And sometimes we need to be at a low point to fully appreciate the high points.
