does this sound selfish?

I was talking to one of my girlfriends.

I had mentioned that Dh had been sick recently (he had minor flu) I told her that I spent the whole weekend taking care of him- giving him medication, making chicken soup, attending to his every need, etc etc.

I mentioned that this is an insanely busy time for me at work, where I have impossible deadlines to meet and I had to even leave work early on friday to get home to him when I has something due right then and there. It was nuts- that whole weekend I got nothing done I needed to even on a personal level.

So I say this really made me realize that I am so not ready to have kids yet. Due to the fact that your time is not yours anymore and you give up so much of your self.

She felt as though I was being selfish and I have yet to realize that when you enter into marriage it is not all about you anymore and when you do have kids this is also the case.

Thoughts????

Re: does this sound selfish?

I think what you did is 180 degrees from selfish!! You dropped everything to be there and take care of your husband. What exactly did she think was so selfish about that?

I think being aware of the immense responsibility and sacrifice children are is a sign of maturity and self awareness.

Re: does this sound selfish?

I dont think you were selfish

Re: does this sound selfish?

Sounds to me like you put him first and took care of your family over your work.
Doesn't sound selfish at all!

Hell, I know I'm not ready for kids because when I want to go on vacation or away for the weekend we have enough problems trying to get the dog taken care of and he can easily be kennelled.. lol

Just be careful with work this week especially if your that bogged down and with the holidays coming! Stay healthy! Can they maybe get you a temp for the day to help you out for a few hours!

Re: does this sound selfish?

Im sure Im going to get blasted for this but I am so sick and tired of mothers telling me how selfless having children is. (Not all mothers are like this I realize, just some) Give me a break. Women who have children do so for one reason - b/c THEY WANT A CHILD. Bringing in another human being to fufill your dreams of motherhood seem like the most selfish thing in the world to me! And not having children (even if you might want them) b/c you dont feel ready seems like a very selfless thing to do.

Of course, once the child is here - being selfless is important aspect of being a good mother. But why should you have children until you are ready for them? Its a huge decision and you should not let anyone but you and your husband have a vote on it.

So to answer your question - I think your friend is trying to sway you to have children (why someone would want to sway you if you feel not ready is beyond me). I dont think you were acting selfishly at all.

Re: does this sound selfish?

stef I couldn't agree more...


we having been thinking of TTC...but something is holding both of us back...I have been debating the desire to have children with the desire to bring a responsible human being that will make a differenece into the world...

what if the latter does not happen?

Re: does this sound selfish?

Thank you ladies

She felt as though I was resenting my husband for being sick, which is so not true, it was just that I was spreading myself thin at work as it was and then him getting sick made things really crazy.

Re: does this sound selfish?

Kesha, you are far from selfish, you are wise if you ask me. I mean we are ready for children but I know the feeling of fear that sometimes overcomes me when I think of the responsibility that comes with it. I am still very selfish and until I have to do otherwise, I will be selfish with my time.

Re: does this sound selfish?

I think once you have children, you must be ready to be selfless...........
Having children is a huge step in one's life.

I do not think that NOT wanting children or waiting, etc. . . is selfish at all.....
Only YOU and DH know when it's time for you, if ever at all. That's a decsion totally up to you.
I don't know where people come up with these things

Re: does this sound selfish?

I agree with the posts. You are definetely not selfish. Knowing that you are not ready to sacrafice yourself to have children is the most smartest thing. Some people think that that is all there is to life is having a child. It isnt for everyone. Knowing that it might not be for you now or never is very unselfish.

Re: does this sound selfish?

I agree with everyone.

You aren't being selfish. You're being smart.

Re: does this sound selfish?

I agree. You aren't being selfish whatsoever.