For Newlyweds Only - Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

AeroJenn Posted: Dec 19, 2007 12:20 PM

Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

Okay, MIL and I got in a little arguement last night (about something thats NONE of her business mind you). For DH's family, we're seeing them on xmas day. We're seeing his grandma and 2 sets of aunts and uncles. MIL said that we shouldnt exchange gifts with them. I said 'fine.'

Meanwhile, on xmas eve, we see my whole family (grandparents, 3 sets of aunts and uncles, and 5 cousins). All of my cousins are 1-3 years younger than me (so all around 19-21 years old)....we DONT exchange with the cousins. However, now that DH and I are married and considered 'adults,' my family wanted to know if we wanted to exchange with the adults (so, we'd be exchanging with my aunts and uncles and grandparents). I have absolutely no problem doing this because I'd rather exchange with them than stop exchanging all together. However, MIL got wind of this and started saying that its rediculous to exchange with your aunts and uncles Since thats who we see on xmas eve, I wouldnt feel right not bringing gifts. Also, I know lots of families sort of stop exchanging at some point....but its tradition in our family and it wouldnt feel like xmas if we didnt do it.

Anyone else exchange with family members besides immediate family? Is my family just weird?? I felt like MIL was completely out of line commenting on it -- she was practiclally lecturing that we shouldnt do it and its rediculous

Jennifer907 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 12:50 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

For the first time this year, DH and I will be exchanging with my cousins and their husbands, and my aunt. They always got me gifts but I never got for them. Now I feel like I'm married and an adult, and it's the right thing to do. If my MIL got wind of it she would flip her top too, so I know how you feel. You can take one of two routes:

1. The route I would personally choose because I despise my MIL is tell her it's your money and how you spend it is none of her business. Conversation over. Pay her no attention when she tries to bring it up.

2. Tell her you've decided not to exchange with them so she shuts her trap and you don't have to hear it. Then, do what you want. She won't know unless she's there, right?

Sorry, I'm harsh when it comes to MILs. DH should also talk to her and tell her that she needs to mind her business.

On a side note, I was thinking about you the other day. How are you? Hope you're feeling better.

HamptonsBride Posted: Dec 19, 2007 12:57 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

what the heck should people care what one family's tradition is compared to another? DH's family is huge...lots of Aunts & Uncles and cousins and they give small token gifts to everyone who attends (didn't know this last year & felt bad I had nothing to give)...my family who is small & immediate only exchanges gifts to our parents (and our parents to us kids) & the nieces/nephews...my brothers & i don't exchange...we just decided that years ago instead of going nuts with gifts..tell the MIL to not worry about what someone else is doing!

WilliesBride Posted: Dec 19, 2007 12:59 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

I have always bought for my aunts....I really don't buy for the uncles, but always for the Aunts and I an not changing that now. They have always bought for me and I will continue to do so.

For DH's family, every person buys a $20 gift and we do a whole 'numbered' gift exchange. His family is just too big!!!

This year I think that everyone is getting Wedding Pictures so we are spending a fortune this year....

diva7531 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 01:29 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

with DH's family we exchange with whomever comes, Aunts, Uncles, cousins. And with my family it is a grb bag, except DD she gets a gift from EVERYBODY

dgirl0114 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 01:34 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

I honestly don't see why your MIL cares what you do with your family. That's your business!!

I exchange with my Mom, my sister (and now her fiance!!) and my niece. And we send a whole box of gifts from all of us down to Texas to my sister and her two kids.

DH comes from a family of six kids with 9 nieces & nephews so this year we're just doing a Kris Kringle and everyone picked one person's name (including kids) to spend $50 on. Except for the 3 year old; he'll get from everyone. And of course we'll get something for DH's Mom.

MJDoc12 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 01:45 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

me thinks your MIL would fight with you if you said the sky was blue....she sounds like a real winner!

in our family--we ALL exchange--but its mostly immediate family only. nieces, nephews, mom, dad, siblings. we don't really see my aunts & uncles -- but regardless i'd want to give something to them if i'm seeing them over the holidays!!!

tell your MIL to MYOB and just S T F U!

DNicholes Posted: Dec 19, 2007 01:48 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

Why is this any of her business?? I'd say 'thank youf or your comments but it's a tradition in my family' end of story......

We use to do Chris Cringle with each family but as my sister & brother got older they took us out of it (b/c we were to old...so sad lol) So I would TOTALLY love to exchange with my aunts and uncles, so I think it's a fun idea & if you want to do it then go right ahead!

PeteysBride Posted: Dec 19, 2007 01:52 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

Posted by MJDoc12

me thinks your MIL would fight with you if you said the sky was blue....she sounds like a real winner!

in our family--we ALL exchange--but its mostly immediate family only. nieces, nephews, mom, dad, siblings. we don't really see my aunts & uncles -- but regardless i'd want to give something to them if i'm seeing them over the holidays!!!

tell your MIL to MYOB and just S T F U!

I agree. We exchangewith my parents and his, my brother and his sister and my unt whose hosue we always host xmas in and my two cousins who are more like a brother and sister to me. If you're comfortable doing it, what business it it of hers Methinks she is related to Pinnochio with how long her nose is to butt into business thats none of hers!

Aug07OFCbride Posted: Dec 19, 2007 02:04 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

We are actually trying something new this year.... usually its us exchanging w/ parents, sisters/bros (though DH's bros dont usually exchange), grandparents, nieces/nephews, and god parents. This year, our immed fam (on my side) is trying something new. my mom and step dad (as well as my grandparents) are still buying gifts for everyone and we're all doing a group gift for the parents and buying gifts for the g'rents, but all of us...my sisters/bro in laws, etc. are doing 'Secret Santa.' And we also bought gifts to play 'Dirty Santa' or 'Steal a gift'! We're doing this bc we have typically, as a fam, gone SOOOOO overboard and spent a ridiculous amount of money on Xmas, but as the lil ones get older and now can really enjoy Xmas, it seems like its more impt to make it about the lil guys, make it really special for them w/ gifts and not go crazy spending a ton of money on eachother, esp with DH and I just getting married (having a ton of help from mom/step dad) and with us trying to save for a house, etc. It just makes more sense for everyone to try something diff this year. I think it will be fun!

But every fam is diff, every fam has a diff tradition. No one can say whats right or wrong! I think it gets difficult w/ the blending fams and with age, bc often times you have to sort of redefine and adjust what you do.

SusiBtoM Posted: Dec 19, 2007 02:51 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

We are a small family on my side, and for the past 16 years or so it has included my parents, my sister, her husband, his parents and his aunt and uncle on all of the holidays. No cousins.

We all exchange gifts, but between my parents and the in-laws, the gifts are small. The in-laws get home baked cookies every year, something they enjoy and actually look forward to since they don't bake themselves. I kept this tradition after my mom passed.
My husband has become part of my side's celebration, and last year we received a set of decorative hand towels and a nice appetizer set.
We all concentrate on the 2 children.

Now, my husband's side of the family is huge. There is a huge age gap between my husband and his aunts & uncles, most of whom have passed away already. The 2nd cousins are closer in age to us, and there are 9 on his mom's side. They have 14 kids between them. We don't do gift exchanges because we don't spend the holidays with them.
We also don't exchange gifts with his parents, being elderly they don't want anything. We don't see them at the holidays either. Maybe this year I'll have them over for NY's day, if MIL feels up to it.
His dad's side is not close to us. There are a number I have not met yet (part of the 8 that were no-shows at the wedding) and the rest I have met only once or twice.
There is no closeness between my husband and that side.

I spend the most money on my niece and nephew. I'm their only auntie so I get to spoil them.

AeroJenn Posted: Dec 19, 2007 03:55 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

Posted by MJDoc12

me thinks your MIL would fight with you if you said the sky was blue....she sounds like a real winner!

in our family--we ALL exchange--but its mostly immediate family only. nieces, nephews, mom, dad, siblings. we don't really see my aunts & uncles -- but regardless i'd want to give something to them if i'm seeing them over the holidays!!!

tell your MIL to MYOB and just S T F U!

i wish I had the balls to tell her that! DH was sitting right there the whole time and didnt say a word (other than that he could care less whether or not we exchanged with my family). My MIL is obnoxious and loves to stick her nose where it doesnt belong.

Snickers76 Posted: Dec 19, 2007 04:19 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

We all buy for my Mom and all the MILs and FILs...

Us siblings don't exchange anymore (but I secretly buy my older sis some gifts...she was my MOH and I heart her...)

All of the kids get gifts.

My other sister and BIL are due in Jan. She did n't have a shower or register, so we got them a bunch of stuff for Christmas.

BTW...how did MIL get wind of your plans??

PattyK Posted: Dec 19, 2007 06:27 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

My family is small, so my sister & I always exchange and I have always exchanged with my cousin and DH & I will continue that. DH is one of 6, so the brothers & sisters don't really exchange gifts. They buy presents for the nieces and nephews that are under the age of 16. Once you turn 16, you participate in secret santa. We did that last year and it was alot of fun. As far as your mother in-law is concerned, why is she concerned with who you exchange gifts with and who you don't exchange gifts with.

AeroJenn Posted: Dec 19, 2007 09:11 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

Posted by Snickers76

We all buy for my Mom and all the MILs and FILs...

Us siblings don't exchange anymore (but I secretly buy my older sis some gifts...she was my MOH and I heart her...)

All of the kids get gifts.

My other sister and BIL are due in Jan. She did n't have a shower or register, so we got them a bunch of stuff for Christmas.

BTW...how did MIL get wind of your plans??

It was my fault....I forgot how nosey she is and that I shouldnt talk in front of her. She was sitting a few feet away and I mentionned to DH that I have to grab my aunt something for Christmas. Thats all she needed to hear and she blurted out that its rediculous that we exchange with them.

Also: my mom's family is Jewish. So my MIL got nasty saying that we shouldnt even see them on Christmas. But in our family, its not just about the religious aspects of the holiday....its about spending time with family. They're very into Christmas anyway....they sing Christmas songs, send out Christmas cards, say Merry Christmas to us....i mean...they've been celebrating it with us for over 20 years. I just felt that she cant understand.

Brian and Marie Posted: Dec 19, 2007 09:13 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

We just buy for everyone!! I think we need a new method!

jtgarsik Posted: Dec 19, 2007 10:42 PM

Re: Exchanging Christmas gifts with family...what do you do?

we do! a little different though...we exchange with immediate.(brothers,sisters, mom & gram) ..and then we have a grab-bag/secret santa with the rest of our older cousins aunts/uncles... about 3 weeks ago we all got together, wrote our names & 3 things we'd like on a piece of paper(individually each item can cost up to $50). We then all pick a name, and u can either get one of the gifts listed or do a suprise for the person that u get :) (spending about 50)...it's fun & a good thing to consider! u save lots & secret santas are always fun