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Feeling left out

MrsTC Posted: Nov 30, 2003 11:15 AM+

MrsTC MEMBER SINCE: 3/03 TOTAL POSTS : 8127 WEDDING DATE: Sep 27, 2003

Posted: Nov 30, 2003 11:15 AM

Feeling left out

Yesterday I was speaking to my friend online who lives in Queens. (DH and I moved to Jersey City last year).

I asked her if she had spoken recently to friends of ours who recently had a baby and she said 'Yeah, actually, I saw them last night at so and so's house'.

Which means that all of my mutual friends in Queens all got together. A few couples and a few singles. She said it was 'last minute'.

I thought it was rude. If I was having a get together, I would at least extend the invitation to everyone. We have not had any fights, etc -this came completely out of the blue. I know we live in NJ, but it literally takes 30 min to get to Queens.

I am really hurt by this and felt completely left out. Should I say something to my friend who hosted this 'last minute' get together?

(We have all been friends for 20 years - since grammer school).

swags1016 Posted: Nov 30, 2003 11:28 AM+

swags1016 MEMBER SINCE: 3/03 TOTAL POSTS : 12228 WEDDING DATE: Jul 26, 2003

Posted: Nov 30, 2003 11:28 AM

Re: Feeling left out

My experiences have been the same as yours. When we moved to Queens all our friends on island forgot about us. Now that we have been back on the island for awhile (which is longer than we lived in Queens) they still forget because they say we didn't think you would want to come out from Queens! My response is you just called me and you did have to dial an area code did you! Sometimes out of sight out of mind. It doesn't mean that they don't care it just means that they forget. You might want to give her a gentle reminder that you and DH would not mind coming out to Queens, even last minute.

's I know it hurts and stinks.

MarciaD Posted: Nov 30, 2003 01:43 PM+

MarciaD MEMBER SINCE: 5/03 TOTAL POSTS : 1707 WEDDING DATE: Nov 01, 2003

Posted: Nov 30, 2003 01:43 PM

Re: Feeling left out

I am so sorry your friends made you feel left-out and bad.

I think the gentle reminder sounds like a very good idea.

nrvbrd Posted: Nov 30, 2003 02:42 PM+

nrvbrd MEMBER SINCE: 10/02 TOTAL POSTS : 5249 WEDDING DATE: Sep 06, 2003

Posted: Nov 30, 2003 02:42 PM

Re: Feeling left out

I would say something to the effect that-

Hey, I heard (insert names) got together the other night- sounded like a great time, sorry I missed it. Even though I am in Jersey I will still come out to see you guys in Queens.

Be very noncholant though.

octobergirl Posted: Nov 30, 2003 03:08 PM+

octobergirl MEMBER SINCE: 1/02 TOTAL POSTS : 945 WEDDING DATE: Oct 13, 2002

Posted: Nov 30, 2003 03:08 PM

Re: Feeling left out

That can be so frustrating. I deal with that a lot, living just on the outskirts of NYC, where all my single friends live, and get together without me. I think usually its an oversight, but I tend to take it personally.

I think you should definitely confront them. It wont change yesterday's plans, but it will let them know how you feel and show them that you're willing to travel a little bit to get to see them in the future.

yabbobay Posted: Nov 30, 2003 03:11 PM+

yabbobay MEMBER SINCE: 5/01 TOTAL POSTS : 14690 WEDDING DATE: Dec 28, 1992

Posted: Nov 30, 2003 03:11 PM

Re: Feeling left out

I am starting to feel that way too...but we are in CA...so there is no way we can make it...

but I still feel left out of the information loop...One of Dh's friends gf is pregnant...and I found out through a friend of mine...who just started dating another one of Dh's friends...

I feel really left out that no one told us

V&S03 Posted: Nov 30, 2003 07:56 PM+

V&S03 MEMBER SINCE: 7/02 TOTAL POSTS : 1115 WEDDING DATE: May 09, 2003

Posted: Nov 30, 2003 07:56 PM

Re: Feeling left out

I would definitely speak to her and tell her how you feel, I'm sure when she realizes just how bad this made you feel she would feel bad and not let it happen again. Distance should not make you any less of friends, try to call each other and keep in touch and make plans to hang out.

merf99 Posted: Dec 01, 2003 10:55 AM+

merf99 MEMBER SINCE: 12/02 TOTAL POSTS : 1893 WEDDING DATE: Nov 08, 2003

Posted: Dec 01, 2003 10:55 AM

Re: Feeling left out

Hi there-
I know how you feel too. Most of my friends are either on LI or NYC and since I am in NJ too I get left out of alot. And alot of times its with alot of little things like oh we all went to the movies.... and i wish i could be there but distance is a problem. Usually it's a little over an hour to LI so....