For Newlyweds Only - FMIL Help...

Post new topic

Wedding Forums > For Newlyweds Only > FMIL Help...

FMIL Help...

NYCMeghan Posted: Dec 06, 2003 12:31 PM+

NYCMeghan MEMBER SINCE: 1/03 TOTAL POSTS : 2766 WEDDING DATE: Sep 19, 2004

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 12:31 PM

FMIL Help...

Hi Newlyweds!

Even though I'm not on this side of the board yet I have a question that I think you ladies are better suited to answer. My FMIL offered to give me her entire silver service as she no longer uses it. Here's my dilemma - it is not at all what I would choose. I really love the silver pattern I chose. I was going to use the excuse that she should save it for her younger son, but she explicitly told me not to worry she had plenty of things to give him when he gets around to getting married.

I really don't want to hurt her feelings - I think she's a great lady, but I really don't want her silver....How do I coach it so I don't hurt her feelings but at the same time don't end up with a pattern I hate?

jennbaby Posted: Dec 06, 2003 12:39 PM+

jennbaby MEMBER SINCE: 9/01 TOTAL POSTS : 29573 WEDDING DATE: May 17, 2003

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 12:39 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

I would either be honest with her, and/or let your FH tell her you both saw another pattern you really like, but Thank her so much for the generous offer.

MrsTC Posted: Dec 06, 2003 01:06 PM+

MrsTC MEMBER SINCE: 3/03 TOTAL POSTS : 8127 WEDDING DATE: Sep 27, 2003

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 01:06 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

I agree with Jenn...BUT I thought of one other thing - how often will you really use the silver? Not every day, maybe 1x or 2x a year - so consider that maybe?

I am only saying this bc I would be afraid to refuse my MILs silver if she offered it! LOL

Sage10.03 Posted: Dec 06, 2003 01:18 PM+

Sage10.03 MEMBER SINCE: 11/02 TOTAL POSTS : 4365 WEDDING DATE: Jan 01, 2011

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 01:18 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

I know this is probably the last thing anyone sane would do....but if it were me, I would just take it.
But that is only b/c I am a total wimp and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings...lol! I know, I am rediculous.

Karen H Posted: Dec 06, 2003 02:13 PM+

Karen H MEMBER SINCE: 2/01 TOTAL POSTS : 1890 WEDDING DATE: Apr 28, 2001

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 02:13 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

How does FH feel about it? Does he want the family silver?

I would accept it, but also register for the one you really love, and get that anyway. You may find that you need more than a standard service for 12 someday, and you'll have extra, plus if you have more than one child you'll be able to pass along family heirlooms.

My MIL offered me her china which is pretty, but different from my taste. I used both last year at thanksgiving because we had 14 for dinner - I used her pattern on one table and mine on another.

Claud2001 Posted: Dec 06, 2003 05:04 PM+

Claud2001 MEMBER SINCE: 1/02 TOTAL POSTS : 5865 WEDDING DATE: Jun 03, 2001

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 05:04 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

I agree with Karen H...

Plus, if you FMIL is anything like my grandparents, she will get super insulted if you refuse such a generous offer, and may never offer you anything again...(not that it's a bad thing necessarily, but you never know...)

Don't look a gift horse in the mouth...

Mich1108 Posted: Dec 06, 2003 05:24 PM+

Mich1108 MEMBER SINCE: 8/03 TOTAL POSTS : 167 WEDDING DATE: Nov 08, 2003

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 05:24 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

I also agree with Karen H. I was in a similar situation with my aunt's china. I absolutely hate it but she insisted I take it b/c I'm her godchild, etc. I didn't want to hurt her feelings so I took it & then I registered for the china I really wanted. I'm actually surprised she didn't notice at the shower that I was receiving china (LOL!) If she ever questions it, I'm going to say the same thing as Karen H. - that I plan on using both b/c I didn't even get all my place settings anyway.

The Original 2nd-time-around Posted: Dec 06, 2003 06:36 PM+

The Original 2nd-time-around MEMBER SINCE: 12/02 TOTAL POSTS : 5658 WEDDING DATE: May 04, 2004

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 06:36 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

Posted by Sage10.03

I know this is probably the last thing anyone sane would do....but if it were me, I would just take it.
But that is only b/c I am a total wimp and wouldn't want to hurt her feelings...lol! I know, I am rediculous.

Same here.

Sassyz75 Posted: Dec 06, 2003 07:48 PM+

Sassyz75 MEMBER SINCE: 11/02 TOTAL POSTS : 4848 WEDDING DATE: Jan 31, 2003

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 07:48 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

I would take it as well. If you really hate it, get another set as well.

But honestly- the silver is really something you'll only pull out 1 or 2 times a year.

The fact that it's realy silver is pretty nice- I only have stainless steel.

accept the offer, I'm sure it makes a beautiful table.

yabbobay Posted: Dec 06, 2003 08:55 PM+

yabbobay MEMBER SINCE: 5/01 TOTAL POSTS : 14690 WEDDING DATE: Dec 28, 1992

Posted: Dec 06, 2003 08:55 PM

Re: FMIL Help...

is it silver silver? If yes TAKE IT!!! and find a sterling silver set that you like for casual use

I never refuse anything from my MIL...its her way of trying to help us out...

ChristineC68 Posted: Dec 07, 2003 07:45 AM+

ChristineC68 MEMBER SINCE: 5/01 TOTAL POSTS : 12170 WEDDING DATE: Sep 21, 2002

Posted: Dec 07, 2003 07:45 AM

Re: FMIL Help...

I would accept it - it's her way of passing something to her son and his new family. I don't think you have to use it but it will make her feel good to give it to you and FH.

RichsBride Posted: Dec 07, 2003 08:54 AM+

RichsBride MEMBER SINCE: 4/02 TOTAL POSTS : 2289 WEDDING DATE: Oct 20, 2002

Posted: Dec 07, 2003 08:54 AM

Re: FMIL Help...

I would take it & still register for the one you want. If she should ask you can explain that you are really in love with the pattern you picked & you plan to use them both-or have your Fi tell her.
I have 'gold' silverware that my DH's parents gave him for his first wedding because that's what his ex liked(although when I got it ten years later & it was still packaged, I have used it when MIL is here & it makes her happy.
Not exactly the same situation I realize.