when DH and i got engaged, i made sure he knew that i did not believe in divorce - unless he cheated - and i would rather go through years of counseling than divorce him, and he agreed. (our parents have been married for 30 years +, so i think that they set a good example, but even if both sets of parents were divorced, i don't know that i would feel very different).
too often i see normal, everyday people who have only been married for a short time contemplating leaving their spouses (this is NOT a reference to a recent post, but it just made me think harder about this topic, that's all).
how do you all feel about this? when you said 'till death do us part,' did you really truly mean it? or are you more open to the idea of divorce if things got really bad? and for you, what is 'really bad'?
B22
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
my parents have been married for 38 years.
I do NOT believe in divorce and i would have never married him had I thought he was capable of cheating on me.
so yes, i believe in till death do us part...
LB and DC
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
good point caroline - i should have added that i KNOW that DH is not capable of cheating, EVER, and it's not something that i have ever or would ever worry about. it's just my one big relationship killer.
Nina_m74
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
I don't believe in divorce either, my parents have been married for 43 years and it wasn't always easy, they had 7 kids and some tough times.
I feel like a lot of people expect marriage to be roses and bliss everyday forever and don't think you should have to work at your relationship. I am willing and expect to have to work at or relationship over the course of our lifetimes, things would have to get pretty bad to go for divorce.
Really bad would be cheating, abuse - but I could never imagine DH doing those things, obviously or I would not have married him Other than that I don't know how bad it would have to get, I 'd ahve to see I guess.
soon2bmrsdunn
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
Both of our parents have been married for 30+ years as well. And I definitely believe in til death do us part. It amazes me how our of 4 married couple we know (who are in our circle of 'friends') 3 of them have gotten divorced. I told DH that that was not acceptable to me. Only one was 'legitimate' in my eyes.
Christys0925
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
Our parents have both been married 30+ years. Neither DH or myself believe in divorce. I don't think people should go into marriage knowing that if it does not work there is an 'out clause'.
JMO
portjeffbride
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
while both of us are reasonably liberal, we both are extremely 'old school' about our personal lifestyles and ethics.
no escape hatch for us.... while you never know what the future has in store for you, we definitely would fight off divorce with all we have...... (should also add that we're catholic, so this is the only sanctioned marriage we can have )
FullersBride
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
We dated for 8 years!!!!!!!! FH and I don't believe in divorce. His parents divorced and remarried twice when he awas young and it took a HUGE emotional toll on him!!! My parents decided to get divorced 45 days before my wedding A** Holes.......We would never wnat that for our children. We both feel that too many people get married today to try it out and think dovorce is a viable option. We made vows and whole heardedly know that we will have to work to keep a healthy marriege for hte rest of our lives and we both plan on doing so.......So yeah, For better or worse.......
Brian and Marie
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
Posted by portjeffbride
while both of us are reasonably liberal, we both are extremely 'old school' about our personal lifestyles and ethics. )
I have to agree!!
We've had some rough times in the past, but after 6 years we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. I HOPE to never get divorced...I know we'd both fight like H*ll and try our best to make it work if problems should arise!
My parents are my inspiration! They just celebrated their 35th Anniversary on Oct 14th, and they have been a wonderful role model for me!! DH has seen the other hand..both parents married and divorced three times. So while I want to emulate my parents, Brian knows he doesn't want to ever go through what his parents did!! He says he waited 34 years to find the right person for that reaon- he wanted to be sure!!
All I know is that I love him with all my heart. I don't see that changing because my love for him grows more with each passing day!!
Drv0716
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
We both meant it. Neither one of us take the idea of divorce lightly. I know we can never tell what the future holds, but I sure as heck do not intend to ever give up without a fight.
HamptonsBride
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
we always joke about 'til death do us part'...when one of us does something to annoy the other...i am a Taurus sign which makes me loyal to begin with...and DH is big on communication and commitment...so we know we are 'stuck' with each other...haha....ironically i was just thinking about this whole concept the other day because i want to get a tattoo that symbolizes our marriage and DH...and so many people say not to get things like that...but i felt that when i married him it was for life...just like the tattoo would be.
My dealbreaker would be cheating..but neither of us is that kind and i trust him 100%...so i don't even worry about it.
PegaLega
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
I dont believe in Divorce BUT sometimes you find the truth out about people YEARS after you marry them. There are secrets, etc. that a person may hold back and not tell you and you stumble across them one day.
Otherwise-we both have said and still say the only way out of this is toes up
Aug07OFCbride
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
Who really 'believes in' or 'wants' divorce, ya know? No one plans on it (hopefully), but for many, things happen...like as peg said, things can come out much later. For me, I dont think I could reconcile if I was cheated on. JMO. But any other issues, I would always seek help. Im dedicated to our marriage 100%.
Im sure plenty of ppl who end up divorcing started out thinking I don't 'believe in' divorce..... things happen.
Jennifer907
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
I have always said I don't believe in divorce, but honestly, I'm not too sure anymore. My parents are divorced and it is for the better. They weren't right for each other and if they had stayed together 'for the kids' my life probably would have been miserable. So divorce worked out for them. DHs parents are married for 28 years and they have a miserable loveless relationship and only stay together for the finances. My FIL travels for work all week and is only home on the weekends. MIL has someone on the side. We're pretty sure FIL does also. They don't sleep in the same room when he is home. What is the point in being married? Get divorced and be with someone who is going to make you happy.
Long story short, I don't think anyone could really rule divorce out because you really do not know what the future holds. DH and I have already experienced the 'for better or worse' part of our relationship, and it took a lot of work to make things right and get to the point we are at today. I believe what's meant to be will be. And honestly, both of us knew fromt he beginning we were going to spend our lives together, but we were teenagers and not ready for it. It was torture getting to this point, but we are so glad we experienced it then because it made us stronger and now we truly respect one another in a completely different way. It's a great feeling.
billandme
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
Here's a question:
While dating, and after long discussions about families, and both agreeing that you want to have a family, then you get engaged, get married ...... and you find out that your DH doesn't want a family anymore (AFTER the wedding).......never really did.....just said that so people (family and friends) didn't think bad of him and didn't think he was selfish........
would you consider divorce then????
luvabul
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
If i wanted kids bad enough, yes...i love babies
I'd try to convince him to change his mind...but i guess if u 'force' someone to have kids, and later on theyre not as accepting loving towards the child.... (dont care about saturday soccer games, diaper duty, etc etc..) Takes a village to raise a child they say, and if your husband isnt to enthusiastic about it... i dont know how things would go!
but this is all hypothetical...so i dont know
rfilipofornow
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
Posted by billandme
Here's a question:
While dating, and after long discussions about families, and both agreeing that you want to have a family, then you get engaged, get married ...... and you find out that your DH doesn't want a family anymore (AFTER the wedding).......never really did.....just said that so people (family and friends) didn't think bad of him and didn't think he was selfish........
would you consider divorce then????
this is EXACTLY what happened to my aunt and i still think her 1st husband (who i still consider my uncle) was her one true love. but she really, really, REALLY wanted a family and he refused. unfortunately, she kinda started to resent him for not wanting a family with her and she divorced him after 11 yrs. and even more unfortunately, she never ended up having kids and at 55, it doesn't look like she ever will
i believe in the vows i spoke on my wedding day, but honestly, you just never know and i'm not one to say 'it'll never happen to me'. honestly, i don't think it will, or else i never would've married my DH. i love him with every part of my being and i know he does too, but who the heck knows what life holds for us 15-20 yrs down the road? i just know i'll try my damnedest NOT to be a statistic
LB and DC
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
i really appreciate all the honest, thoughtful and insightful responses.
i really truly feel that right now, i do not believe in divorce, but the truth is, as some said, you don't know what the future holds, or what truths may be revealed years down the road.
never say never - and always say i love you
PattyK
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
DH & I both definetly believe in in till death do us part. Before my mom passed away my parents were married for 25 + years. Trust me there were times when I told her to divorce him (because he of his alcoholism) but she stayed with him and they worked through things. DH's parents divorced when he was in his late teens. DH was married before and divorced because of infedilty on her part. We talked for along time about what he went through and I know in my heart that cheating is something that he could never do.
SeptBride70
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Re: for better or worse, till death do us part
Posted by carolinep24
my parents have been married for 38 years.
I do NOT believe in divorce and i would have never married him had I thought he was capable of cheating on me.
