for better or worse, till death do us part

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Posted by billandme

Here's a question:

While dating, and after long discussions about families, and both agreeing that you want to have a family, then you get engaged, get married ...... and you find out that your DH doesn't want a family anymore (AFTER the wedding).......never really did.....just said that so people (family and friends) didn't think bad of him and didn't think he was selfish........

would you consider divorce then????

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This is a tough one...because these are the major issues you usually work out before even getting engaged. I remember an ex breaking up w/ me cause he knew i wanted to get married & he never did...and he wanted me to have the life i wanted. DH & i discussed all this before...especially since we both do not want kids...he even asked me the week before 'you still do not want kids, right?' He said if either of us felt different then we shouldn't get married...and i agreed.

Plus , why would he lie about wanting kids? Stand up for yourself and say...it's not for me...i get crap all the time because i don't want kids, but i stand my ground and don't lie to appease others. To me right there it would be a trust issue...if he's telling me he wants a family and then doesn't when he knows all along how he truly feels. It's a tough one!

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

Who really 'believes in' or 'wants' divorce, ya know? No one plans on it (hopefully), but for many, things happen...like as peg said, things can come out much later. For me, I dont think I could reconcile if I was cheated on. JMO. But any other issues, I would always seek help. Im dedicated to our marriage 100%.

Im sure plenty of ppl who end up divorcing started out thinking I don't 'believe in' divorce..... things happen.

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I agree

I am split on this simply because I know too many people who would benefit from divorce. For the DH and I , this is it. We made our beds and we will lay in them and work it out, pucking it out on occasion like all cpuples do. I honestly have learned a lot from the book by Dr. Laura who i know is VERY controversial because she has some beliefs I don't adhere to at all about marriage and family. But the general thread of ehr books is that mGOOD men..the kind of men we all say we marry, generally want three things; to be loved, fed and made love to.

LMAO My GRANDMOTHER told me the same thing...Said he will always be happy if I feed him, love em and **** em...she was 83 at the time, but essentially, they're right. My Dh is a simple guy. he really is. Im the one who starts most of the fights-he is mroe go with the flow and small thinks like sending hima text message during the day really make him more open to me. So its work, but we knew what we were getting into ebfore we said I do, so I dont think divorce is in our future.

HOWEVER, I do not begrudge anyone who made a bad choice with choosing a partner, tried to work it out and simply cannot ebcause soemtimes people just can't/ In those cases, I believe in divorce. I know many couples stay togetehr for the kids, but again, I am torn because we have friends whose kids are 14 and 11 now and they AS their parents to split-they divorced years ago then got back together but refuse to do the work like couples counseling and its driving their whole family nuts. I mean to have YOUR KIDS ask for a divorce... Thats bad, And unfortunately there are many folks like them

I guess the way i see it is, try and make the BEST possible choice in a lifemate that you can and if the going gets tough, work on it. Work and work and work. BUT if you find after all the work, you're just two peeople who should never have gotten amrried and somehow did, DIVORCE because you both deserve the chance to live that happy life with someone who understands you.

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Posted by PeteysBride
I guess the way i see it is, try and make the BEST possible choice in a lifemate that you can and if the going gets tough, work on it. Work and work and work. BUT if you find after all the work, you're just two peeople who should never have gotten amrried and somehow did, DIVORCE because you both deserve the chance to live that happy life with someone who understands you.

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Very well stated!

I take marriage very seriously. If I thought there was even the slightest chance DH and I couldn't make it, I wouldn't have married him. But, unfortunately, I don't know what my future holds. And people change.

I always thought my parents had a great marriage. We were a close, happy family. But I guess my dad didn't agree, because after 25 years of marriage, and over 35 years together, he started having an affair. He'd lost a really good job, got depressed, started drinking more, and couldn't handle his problems. So he ran away. It wouldn't be good for anyone if they stay married just because they once said 'til death do us part'.

Although I don't think a divorce will happen for my DH and I, it wouldn't be right to say 'I don't believe in divorce'.

my parents have been married for 28 years--and together for 35--sometimes i don't know how they lasted all this time...and when i was a kid i wished they had divorced. (my dad was a big cheater) but my mom stayed...i don't know if i could do that.

for me my dealbreakers are:
DH cheated,

or

became emotionally/physically/verbally abusive

otherwise---i plan on staying this marriage forever!

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Posted by PeteysBride


LMAO My GRANDMOTHER told me the same thing...Said he will always be happy if I feed him, love em and **** em...she was 83 at the time, but essentially, they're right. My Dh is a simple guy. he really is. Im the one who starts most of the fights-he is mroe go with the flow and small thinks like sending hima text message during the day really make him more open to me. So its work, but we knew what we were getting into ebfore we said I do, so I dont think divorce is in our future.

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My grandmother has given me the same exact advice!! She's 91 years old and she and my grandfather had sex up until about a month before he passed away (that was 4/5 years ago- he was almost 87)! She said he still wanted it at least once a week! Go GRANDMA AND GRANDPA! I once asked her if it hurt since the juices don't flow as well.....and she said 'Marie, after 65 years of marriage, it goes right in!'

I don't know if I would say I don't believe in divorce, but DH's parents will be married 31 years this December, and my parents would have been married 31 October 2nd.
Really bad would have to be worse than I grew up with, if my mom can put up with my dad's drinking until he passed away 10 years ago, I would like to think that Evan and I could work through just about everything.

we def. meant till death till us part. my parents are divorced, his arent.

we dont consider divorce an option and cheating is not a deal breaker.

One thing I know for sure.....my husband and I made a VOW...a vow before each other, before all of our family and friends and before God. And while yes, nobody knows what the future holds, i do know one thing.....If we're doing everything we were ever taught, if we're standing our ground in communication and being accountable to each others actions, and if we keep God as the center of our marraige and not each other('cause lord knows there are gonna be times when we can't depend on each other and have no where else to turn), then we will hopefully never get to that point. The point of having an affair, or lieing, cheating etc. Yes, there are some people that probably would benefit from getting a divorce, but most of the time it's only because they've let their marraige get to that point...which is why anyone who's been divorced and in a new relationship will tell you 'I know now what went wrong...and i will never let it happen again'. And believe me, i know sometimes people change for the worse...my mom & has been through hell & back & back to hell again and now my father is finally out of the picture...but she will tell you everything she knows for a fact that led their marraige into the pit it fell into. I also think sometimes people are young and yes, love can be blind. But to me, I feel like unless you are being abused - this is a decision and a committment you've made - and now it's for a lifetime...and there is a way to make it through any battles or circumstances that might come ur way. My cousin just got married on sunday, and in his vows he wrote 'This day & age the world allows us to fall back on a promise - but not on this day, not on this alter. There will be times that we feel as though everything around us is falling apart, and the world is crashing down upon us, but there will also be times when we feel like we're on top of the world and ready to soar...and that's what makes the fight worth it.'
Couldn't have said it better myself!!!!

i made sure DH new i don't beleive in divorce I come from parents that are divorced and my biological mother married 3 times... a path i did not want to go down...

we would joke around in the beginning of our engagement about divorce and he would give me different scenarios cheating, etc I told him DIVORCE is too easy if he cheated I would not divorce him move into my own bedroom and torture his for the next 30 + years... I would get more satisfaction that just divorcing him...

neither of us believe in divorce so we're in it to stay
i have seen a few situations though, where divorce was an absolute must so im not 100% against it. Just in my own personal relationship I am

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Posted by jtgarsik

One thing I know for sure.....my husband and I made a VOW...a vow before each other, before all of our family and friends and before God. And while yes, nobody knows what the future holds, i do know one thing.....If we're doing everything we were ever taught, if we're standing our ground in communication and being accountable to each others actions, and if we keep God as the center of our marraige and not each other('cause lord knows there are gonna be times when we can't depend on each other and have no where else to turn), then we will hopefully never get to that point. The point of having an affair, or lieing, cheating etc. Yes, there are some people that probably would benefit from getting a divorce, but most of the time it's only because they've let their marraige get to that point...which is why anyone who's been divorced and in a new relationship will tell you 'I know now what went wrong...and i will never let it happen again'. And believe me, i know sometimes people change for the worse...my mom & has been through hell & back & back to hell again and now my father is finally out of the picture...but she will tell you everything she knows for a fact that led their marraige into the pit it fell into. I also think sometimes people are young and yes, love can be blind. But to me, I feel like unless you are being abused - this is a decision and a committment you've made - and now it's for a lifetime...and there is a way to make it through any battles or circumstances that might come ur way. My cousin just got married on sunday, and in his vows he wrote 'This day & age the world allows us to fall back on a promise - but not on this day, not on this alter. There will be times that we feel as though everything around us is falling apart, and the world is crashing down upon us, but there will also be times when we feel like we're on top of the world and ready to soar...and that's what makes the fight worth it.'
Couldn't have said it better myself!!!!

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OMGGGGGG ~ AWESOME! PERFECTLY SAID!

Actually, unlike many of you, I DO BELIEVE IN DIVORCE. My parents got divorced, and thank god! There is nothing worse than a bad marraige...nothing.

With that said, I'm determined to not to follow that pattern, and and so is DH. We have discussed several times the way we will live our lives to not only avoid divorce, but how to keep our marraige strong and happy. For example, small acts of kindness every day......I mean every day! Its easy to do these things when your dating or in the first year of marraige......but after a while, people start to take each other for granted and I think that is where the danger starts. I never want to let that happen!

WIth that said, there are definitely deal breakers. I would NEVER tolerate cheating. He wouldn't either. Its in neither of our natures to do that.......there are another set of things that I absolutely woud NOT tolerate, and neither would he. Nothing too out of the ordinary thought.....cheating, excessive drinking, abuse, gambling, etc......I wouldn't tolerate any of these and DH wouldn't either.