For Catholic Past Brides.....

What was the attendance like at church for those who got married on a Friday and those on a Sunday. I am trying to decide on Fri or Sun and the mass is an important thing to me. But I am also worried about people leaving early on a Sunday given work the next day. No holiday weekeneds are left.

Thanks

Our wedding was 11:00 am on a Saturday, so our situation doesn't apply to you, but I can tell you that the one thing that keeps DH and I from attending the church is when there is a 3-4 hour delay between the end of the ceremony and the start of the reception. It's never near our home, and we don't want to hang out in a bar for a few hours before the reception just killing time. As long as it's late enough for people to get there after work on a Friday it shouldn't be a problem unless you are expecting a lot to come in from out of town.

Edited to say I agree with the comments that as a general rule it's not right to skip the ceremony and I'll usually make an effort to go to both. What I meant in my comments above is that I'll do what I can to get to the church and the reception and the only timing issue I really object to is the excessively long time between 'events'. Only skipped the ceremony twice - the first was a 2:00 ceremony way out on LI (when we were living in Queens) then a 7:00 reception at Russo's on a Sunday night - it was DH's distant cousin, so he made the call. The other was a 3:00 ceremony in Westchester (we now live in Suffolk) with a 7:00 reception. IMO it's a lot to expect guests to fend for themselves for close to 3 hours when they are far from home - the last thing I want to do before a reception is go eat or drink for 3 hours waiting for the reception to start. 1-1.5 hours, OK, 3 is a bit much if you can't go back home to wait it out.

You may want to first check that you can have a full Mass at your Church on a Sunday. We weren't allowed, we could only have a ceremony, not a full Mass.

I honestly believe that people have incredible nerve to skip a ceremony and go to a reception. The whole point of the party is celebrating the marriage. If someone cant make themselves available for the most important part of the day, I dont think they should free their schedule for a free meal and drinks...but that is just my opinion.

That being said - I tried to make it AS easy as possible for my guests to attend my ceremony b/c it was very important for me. I had a short ceremony that took place 30 minutes before my reception within walking distance of my reception location. So my advice to you is that if it is important to you for lots of people to come to your ceremony - make it easy on them...have it at a convienent time, dont make them wait or travel a long distance. If you dont care who comes as long as your husband is at the end of the aisle, then dont worry about it either way and have the ceremony at a time that works for you.

I realize that skipping the ceremony is a very common thing that lots of people do without even thinking twice. As a person who doesnt really like Sunday weddings, I would prefer the Friday one but thats just me.

Sorry this is long...

Personally, I think that Friday evenings can be difficult on some guests...more so than a Sunday evening wedding. Although some people will leave a Sunday reception early, most people won't have too much of a conflict to also attend the ceremony, unless the ceremony/reception times are very far apart.

Friday evenings pose problems for people who work AND have children. Here's one example that I am currently trying to figure out - one of my friends is getting married on a Friday afternoon in July - ceremony's at 3 PM and reception doesn't start until 7 PM (that is late IMO)!!

Hubby works and we have a baby. Our biggest problem is the babysitter - I would need someone to be at my house by 2:00PM in order to make it to the ceremony. Well, who is home at 2:00 PM on a Friday afternoon??? It's one thing for my hubby to take a 1/2 day off work to attend an affair, but I cannot ask my Mom or my brother to take a 1/2 day off their jobs just to babysit.

So unfortunately, we are choosing to only attend the reception for my friend's wedding. (Edited to add - I guess according to Stef, I have *incredible nerve*) I have tried to figure a way to avoid doing this, since I hate skipping the wedding ceremony. But, I don't have any other choice, and my opinion is - some of your guests might be in a similar situation.

HOWEVER, you cannot drive yourself crazy thinking of everyone else's needs either. Choose the day that best suites YOU and your FH. You can try to make the timing of everything as simple as possible for other people, but they will end up doing whatever they want anyway. JMO.

We were married on a Sunday afternoon and had a full mass. Our mass was at 3:30, with the reception starting at 6pm. Most people came to the church and then drove right out to the reception. We did have a pretty full church though.

That being said, I never expected anyone to come to my church who already lived out by the reception hall. IMO, that would be a lot to ask people to drive in for the ceremony, only to have to turn around and go back to where they came from. I too have skipped ceremonys if it meant backtracking, or if there was a large gap in time and there was no where else for us to go. Yes, there are times when the church is near you, so you go to church, come home and change, and then go out to the reception.

People skipping ceremonys is a fact of life, and sometimes you can't control it. To say that it takes incredible nerve is a bit harsh. We don't know everyone's situations, and what they have to go through to even attend your reception.

Claud: My comments werent directed at anyone in particular and of course there are extinuating circumstances in every scenario. However, most people who skip the ceremony have no excuse other than laziness or not liking to have to sit thru a mass, etc... This is who Im talking about having nerve to come eat/drink when they cant make themselves available for the ceremony.

I had a 3pm Saturday full mass and my reception began at 6pm. There was about a 1-1.5 hour of free time in between the two. But there was a hotel right near my reception hall so many guest went to the hotel bar, sat with friends and had a drink before the reception began.
Personally, I am not a fan of Friday wedding since a lot of people work and would have to take 1/2 or full day off (depending on their company) to attend. I think Sat or Sun weddings work best for guests. Again, that is JMO.
I also thinking attending the ceremony is the most important part of the dayand, of course, there are some difficult circumstances in which some guests cannot but in general I have found that some guests just don't care about the ceremony very much and would rather 'not waste the time' and just go to the party. Personally, I would rather see the ceremony since that is the most moving part of most wedding days.

my sister was married in a Catholic Church (but since she is not Catholic...it wasn't mass) at 3pm on a friday...

we really didn't plan on that many people coming to the church...we thought 60 out of 180...b/c of the timing and whatnot...

but there were a lot of circumstances to that decidion...ie the protestant church where my sister attended backed out on her 3 months before the wedding b/c she did not live in the town anymore (although my parents still live down the block from them) and they suggested that she went to the protestant church in the town 5 min away where she lived...after all the agita it caused her and my BIL about what church to get married in...there decision was made...but the catholic church could only have a 3pm service...

but I regress...it was pouring that day...and there were well over 100 people in the church...even with the rain...even someone got into an accident on the way...drove to the church and then dropped her car off, got a rental and got dressed before the reception...

we learned that people will do things to get to your wedding if they want to be there...no matter the time nor the situation



claud...could you ask the couple if you can bring the baby to the church and then have someone pick him up there...or you can drop him off afterwards? people did this for my sisters wedding...

I got married at 3PM on Sunday - although not a full mass. The church was very crouded. Our reception ended at 11:30 and most people didn't mind since they could be home between 12 and 12:30. The bridal party and family all took the Monday off but the guests were OK with it since it ended befor midnight.

Hope this helps.