Friends with low morals.....(kind of long)

okay -- so this is like a random vent/quesiton thing. i dunno. its been bothering me -- so i figured i'd post here.

my bro's best friend has been pretty much a member of our family since we were kids. basically his family is crap and he's always been around us -- holidays, birthdays, etc. for nearly 20 years - he's been like my brother and is a good friend to the family. (heck he even lived w/my parents for awhile when my bro and i were both away in the navy/college respectively, when his ex-GF kicked him out)

well he got married in 2005 -- and i really never understood why. i think he figured it was one of those things he should do cause that's what you do in life--you get married and have a family. but they are the type of couple where you can tell he just doesn't see her as the love of his life. (his original fiance, dumped him for one of this friends, and married him instead--he's never gotten over it.) at their wedding there were no moments of 'awww--they are so in love' heck he was cursing her out right before their entrance. he used to be a happy guy, but with this girl, he just seems to not care.

since their wedding -- i know for a fact that he has cheated on her several times. heck - the nite he proposed he cheated on her! he goes out, leaves her at home, and tries to live the single life with his friends and stuff. even going so far as to make sure that no one mentions he's married so he can hook up with some club sluts. and this wknd my brother and him kind of got into it cause my bro called him out and said 'dude pick your life...either you stay married and faithful or you leave it...its just not right'

it really kills me cause he's a good friend, but i really just don't want to have anything to do with him cause of his cheating ways. i'm never one to judge, but i feel like i just can NOT be his friend anymore cause of his behavior. especaily because EVERYONE knows about this stuff EXCEPT his wife. (well she has to know a little, but is probably in denial)

does anyone have a friend like this--where u are just sickened by what they are doing in their life and you don't want to be a part of it? am i wrong for feeling this way? it really stinks cause i feel like i'm being judgemental or something, and its none of my business and just to be his friend...but it really really bothers me!

I tend to distance myself from friends like that.... If they cheat, they tend to not be loyal to anyone, including long standing friends and family.

It's unfortunate.... but I have to say I suspect he's like that becuase his own family wasn't exactly well grounded, and he feels uncomfortable in a 'settled' situation. Not an excuse for his behavior, but it's a likely reason behind it.....

His wife must be an interesting person too.... to either be oblivious to the obvious, or in severe denial. Unfortunately, it seems to be the perfect emotional abuser/abusee situation...... sigh.

Its a tough situation b/c you guys have such a rich history, and you can't just 'let go' of people you love/ family members. On the other hand, how can you be close to someone you have NO respect for? And it sounds like you have lost a lot/all respect.

I don't think you're being judgemental at all.....you can't help the way you feel.

All you really can do, is not get too closely involved in it. I guess if I were you, I'd just keep in contact as much/little as is necessary and not get in anyway involved in his antics. And hope that he is just going through a terrible phase and he will eventually wake up and change his ways.

I don't think you are being judgmental at all.

We have a friend like that, and I have a tendency to distance myself. It's not because I think I'm better or anything, but because I do not want to be involved. You eventually come to a point where you realize that you can help a person only so much, but nothing will change if they don't want to help themselves.

i'm not close with his wife at all---cause honestly, he NEVER brings her around EVER when he spends time with my family. its so farking weird! like on holidays---he comes by for a little while and we are always like 'wheres the wife?' and he makes up an excuse like 'well she's sick' or 'she is at her parents and i didn't want to wait for her'

since they've been married i've seen her like 4x!! isn't that so weird? and i've seen him a lot and on every major holiday, superbowl sunday, etc. i mean could you imagine your DH going his own way on the holidays and stuff---or every single time he goes out, he doesn't want to take you with him??

so i don't understand their relationship -- but even when its just us (him, me, my bro, etc) drinking beers and chilling...i just wanna punch him in his face cause of the way he behaves with her

I had 2 friends like that.Both women though. One of them got married, and divorced, cause she wanted to 'be free' and live her life as she pleased, divorced in less than a year. She was running around with every Tom, ****, and Harry, and then complaining of yeast infections , way to go . So, my other girlfriend slept around, and even with my ex-boyfriend . I livein a small town.Word got around about the both of them, and needless to say I listened to my mother, and took her advice of writing them off. I think she was right when she said you are the company you keep. I never spoke to either again. And I don't regret it at all.Even though we grew up together across the street from one another. I think morally your doing the right thing, and you make perfectly good sense. This dude needs to straighten his *** out!!!

I do! And I just stay away.

You are married and at the point in your life where you are realizing WHERE you want to be, and when the people around you that you care for arent at the same level you wonder what happened.

If he isnt happy in his marriage-he should leave it. You cant really be involved in it anymore then you are-the saying goes 'guilt by association' and there is probably a small part of you that doesnt want to be associated with someone who would do that.

I would talk to him, tell him that b/c of his ways you just cant stand to be around him. He needs to fix his life and when he is done...maybe you can be friends again.

Good Luck, its a tough one to have to turn around on someone that you consider sooo close to your heart

if this is who I think it is, the SHORT one.... RUN!


I know how you feel about certain issues and you definitely are someone that speaks their mind. Maybe he needs to hear it from you? And then knock out the ugly one for me. Thanks


and YOU have told ME to call out my friends.. more specifically, my MOH..SO take your own advice.. I think you'll feel much better.. Then, you will never have regrets or feel as if you never got to speak your piece.

I had a friend who just couldn't have hated herself anymore than she did. She was always making really bad decisions and no one could tell her differently.
She and I are no longer friends because I finally realized that she was trying to bring me down with her.

thats really sad for them and must be difficult...being that all of you, but the one person who should (his wife!), know what hes doing. its nice of you to be mindful of being judgmental and i think thats always something good to strive for, but it doesnt mean you have to be supportive or permissive of what he does just bc hes your friend and you care about him (it doesnt sound like you are doing that thankfully...or being judgmental for that matter). that type of thing is just hard to sit back and watch without having a reaction to it! its only natural.

id have a tough go with that...i think id pray for him and also encourage him to move in a better direction. im not sure what else you can do, ya know!