Friends with spouses you do NOT like

Hi.

Dh has a good friend whom I adore. However his lady's personality leaves alot to be desired.

It is so painful to socialize with them. We try to find some common ground with her, but to no avail. I also get the sense she does not like us either. I have heard that she tries to get her DH to discontinue the friendship with my DH.

My question is how many of you are in this siutation or have been there?

Also, do you think situations like this ultimately destroy friendships?

I could care less, I would hang out with her purely for the sake of my Dh, but this woman is the one making things difficult.

The obvious answer would be for the guys to ONLY do things together, but certain situations do not allow for that.

Thoughts????

Re: Friends with spouses you do NOT like

Grin and bear it, you do not have to live with her. That is the only thing I can say. How often do you guys have to interact with them?? What does your hubby say about her??? Do you guys go to their home together? does she make you feel uncomfortable in her home. Maybe you can all only go out in public, where you are not subjected to her private space.

Re: Friends with spouses you do NOT like

I know exactly where you are coming from. I think though I am one of those girls that you are mentioning though. DH has this friend that he loves to hang out with but I personally don't think his friend and wife like me. I say this because I am very quiet around them because I have nothing in common with them at all. I try to get in the conversations with them and try to be more outgoing with them but it just doesn't happen. I don't tell hubby that we can't hang out with them but I also prefer not to because they don't make me feel comfortable. Sometimes I think that they think that they try to hang out with me also but that I don't like them. Understand what I am saying.

I feel really bad because I think that I ruin hubby's relationship with this friend but I didn't mean to.

Re: Friends with spouses you do NOT like

I totally understand how you feel - you saw my post the other day w/ the wife and the cookies.

Try to stay positive and kill her with kindness - I know it is hard but I know you can be the better person.

It truly is difficult when friends marry people you don't like. It is a problem for FH and I also - there are 3 couples we can agree on which is sad and it definitely does put a strain on our relationship but we always get through it.

I don't have much advice but sending many hugs to you as I feel your pain

Hope in the future things can get better!

Re: Friends with spouses you do NOT like

We hang out in a bunch of different settings, i.e, GTG's at home, dinner out,mutual friends gatherings.

DH does not care for her, but he values his friendship with the guy so he as you say Shamma grins and bears it.

I guess some people are cold by nature.

Re: Friends with spouses you do NOT like

Latina, what do these people do particularly to make you feel uncomfortable?

Re: Friends with spouses you do NOT like

K- I sent you FM.

Re: Friends with spouses you do NOT like

This can be a bit difficult and I can see how uncomfortable the situation can be. I've had a similar situation, but mine is with my BIL's wife.

From the moment i met this woman she has never really liked me. When hubby and were engaged we invited them to everything and tried to incorporate her and his brother in a lot of our social activities and she was always unpleasant and never wanted to talk much to me. Any of my friends that met her always wondered why she looked miserable and unhappy. She did this up to the point where she got engaged and married. After 2 years of putting up with her crap she decided it was time for her to be nice since life was looking up for her. Now they have a baby and she just passed the Bar!

I am happy for them, but I still treat her with a long handle spoon. I cannot stand when people treat you how they want and then when it's convenient for them you're supposed to jump in and follow suit! I digress~

Anyway, I don't think you and this woman have to be friends and you certainly don't have to go through the excrutiating pain of trying to hang with her! The last thing you want to do is try to intervene in any friendship your hubby has. I would let your husband know how you feel about the situation if it's really bothering you and then whenever they are coming over you pre-occupy yourself with other things or just ignore her! I started to do that my now SIL! We say hello, but that's it! I've stopped trying to get her to be friends with me and she doesn't make any attempt - we're simply civil!

Usually when someone doesn't like you, it's their problem not yours! Be you and don't let her get to you!