I am the last of 99.9% of my friends to get married, so this isn't an issue for me much but I know that some friendships really change once you get married. Is this a challenge for you or for your DH?
Also, I know some friendships end when children begin to arrive. I guess common interests change, less time etc.. Has this effected your life? If so, how.
NovemberSue
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
Most of my friends are married already & his too so it wasn't an issue for us. Some of our friends who have children now we don't see as often as we used to because they are so busy.We still talk to them and see them just not as often.Everyone works and has different schedules too so that makes it harder to see each other sometimes.
Sonicstef
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
Virtually none of our friends are married....and as a result we dont really have mutual friend. He has his friends and I have mine...so we dont get to do too many couple things. I wish we had couple friends because that woud make life a lot easier.
JennRenee
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
The majority of our friends are 'coupled', some married, some not. The only friendships that have changed are that of some of our friends with children. Some just don't want to do ANYTHING anymore. It's not that they can't get sitters, they don't even participate in things where children are welcomed.
natasha
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
My friends are single, and most of his friends are older and married. So we hang out with my single friends and our cousins(we have a lot).
shamma
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
I only have one married friend, most of hubby's friends are married except for one. The one married friend I have, I do not see her much, she has 2 children and her time out is limited. I guess it should be expected that people's lives will change once they get married and have children.
I stated in the other thread that most of hubby's married friends are older than I am so we do not do the couples thing. We tend to do a lot of the hosting at our home, for my single friends and anyone else that wants to come over.
michele31
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
I think things can change yet still be positive and strong. My best friend got married at 17, we were still in high school. (yes, she was pg). I went away to college, she stayed home and raised a baby. Yet we still called each other every week, sometimes twice or more. Our lives have gone in many different directions but our friendship remained strong throught each phase. She had 2 children and was married home. I went to college and worked full time at my career. Yet, we made time for each other. Sometimes it mean just having lunch together and watching Lifetime TV. I think if your friendships are important to you you make time to stay in touch and maintain the relationship. JMO. Now she works full-time, and I want to start a family. But I know that we will make time for each other regardless.
I have a great friend and we do that together...but I have one friend that I don't go out with as much, b/c I am not in the singles scene...and I always feel bad about it...like Im blowing her off...
Diane
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
I have become very close friends with many of his friends wives/girlfriends, so we all tend to hang out together. I do hang out with my friends every now and then, but they have kids, so it is difficult.
Sonicstef
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
Dont get me started on some people with children. There are just some people who can no longer hold a conversation with an adult after giving birth AND/OR refuse to leave their child under any circumstances.
Thankfully not everyone is like this but the ones that are - they are impossible!! I know someone who can't go 5 minutes into a conversation without describing (in detail) the nature of her child last diaper deposit !!! I can assure you this: even if I were to have a child - I would still NOT BE INTERESTED in what fabulous color your child just defeciated this morning!
shamma
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
@ Stef, I have experienced it first hand. There is one GF of mine who said she cannot call this other GF of hers to go out b/c her son is like her date. So if she wants to go out she has to make it to a place where it is child condusive. I think that is a bit much IMO. Every trip they take together is either to Disneyland or on a Cruise that allows children. I think this is rather limiting, but different strokes for different folx. I would not knock anyone, but I say you still need time for you.
how do you stop from becoming that type of mother? this is part of the reason that I am petrified of having children!!
shamma
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
Yaboobaby we are so here ---><----- it scares the ****ens out of me, that and all the other things I can think of that I will be limited with
shamma
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
I did not know you cannot say d i c k e n s on the board what if my hubby's name was D I C K
Sonicstef
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
I really think that its easy to not be that sort of mother - just have some consideration for others and make sure you make time for friends who knew you before you had a baby. People who forget about their old friends and cant carry on a normal conversation are just so self involved they cant see beyond what they enjoy talking about to make a balanced conversation.
Its like with weddings, when I was engaged, I would have loved to talk weddings all day with my friends - but I didnt because I know they were not interested in what color flowers or what favors we were giving. (thats what LIW is for!) So I might tell them a few major things but for the most part we barely discussed it.
JennRenee
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
I WILL NOT be that kind of mother, and I know it. I am all about ME dictating the child's life and not vice versa. Obviously SOME things will change, and change radically, but there are some things that won't. I was raised by parents who were like that, and I had a happy childhood and a happy family.
Sassyz75
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
We have friends that are married and friends that aren't. The hard part is that we are all starting to move in different directions- some trying to start families, others not, etc. We are finding that we are getting closer to friends that we haven't been close to before.
But as for my non-married friends- I still see them pretty much every other week- me and DH make it a point to hang with our friends- whether it's for dinner, drinks, etc.. just something to get away.
Claud2001
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Re: Friendships and your marriage
I think that every friendship in your life plays a different kind of role. They don't all have to be defined by the same parameters or deemed successful based on the same criteria. Just like personalities differing, friendships differ from person to person.
That being said, most of my friendships are very different and I know who to turn to for different needs in my life. Two of my longtime friends are happily planning their weddings, and I am excited to share the process and help them whenever I can. It doesn't matter to them that I am at a different 'stage' in my life. Our friendships endure for other reasons besides us all being in the same place at the same time. And it's okay if we don't all talk every week.
Another friend is already a SAHM, and is expecting her 3rd child in the Fall. We talk at least twice a week and try to make some 'girlfriend' time just for us at least once a month. I have also made some new SAHM friends here!
Stef, your post is pretty disgusting! But, I guess it doesn't really phase some people to talk about that kind of stuff to their friends...it sounds like a parody of Bill Cosby's famous 'parenting' act.
But, that situation works both ways, too. You have to remember your friends w/kids are still your friends. For example, I have some friends who seem to have forgotten how to talk just to me about me, and not always turn the conversation back to my DH or my baby or my house. Then there are friends who just want to know everything about what you are doing, but never want to share anything about what they are doing. There's no right and wrong here, just a different type of friendship.
