Girls who didnt live with DH before marriage

Lately we are bickering a lot and I think we are just too much in each others space- just wondering if this happened to anyone else. We were fine up until January when it started and lasted a week and now it seems like its back again.

Is it just us or is this part of getting used to living together

tia

Dh and I only started living together in Jan. It is hard. I am a very stubborn person and like things my way and teh way I am used to things being from living at home. Dh has been pretty good with this however sometimes he argues with me about how he doesn't get anything the way he wants it to be (you know furniture placement in the apt) or where the food should go in the cabniets etc...lolol

But I actually have gotten a little better. I realize a lot of it is me. However, I am adjusting to him leaving his towels on the floor and not putting his dirty clothes in the hamper.

I found in the beginning it was a lot of bickering now these last 2 weeks have been great because I am learning to compromise

We didnt live together and it was/is a big adjustment. We are in a tiny apt and there isnt much room to escape.

ETA: Yes we bicker alot, but we are getting better.

I think when he finally does the dishes on his own or actually puts the dirty laundry IN the hamper, we will be great

u didn't think it was going to be ALL peaches & cream now did u??? lol. i'm just kidding. u are not alone - EVERYONE goes through an adjustment period! You have to try to remember to pick ur battles, no matter how frustrating or annoying it is. I remember our first little bicker was over where our shoe rack was going to go. about 30seconds after we started argueing we both just said 'we are NOT agueing over this!' and started laughing at each other.lol. since then..we've always done that. nip it in the bud if it's something small & petty. TALK and above all explain and listen. communication is so important. one of the girls on here posted something great the other day that her mom had told her...something along the lines of 'he may not do the laundry, and he may leave a mess wherever he goes, but at the end of the day HE LOVES YOU..and would protect you, and do everything in his power to keep you from harm. At the end of the day, that kind of love is more important than where the laundry goes'.

and it's SO TRUE.! just hang in there...things will get better as u learn each other's ways/quirks/habits. again, just talk & LISTEN. and remember - compromise is a HUGE part of marraige!

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Posted by SB7308

We didnt live together and it was/is a big adjustment. We are in a tiny apt and there isnt much room to escape.

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ha ha us too!

it was so strange, like the first 10-11 months were a honeymoon period. perfection, love happiness and little cupids everywhere

THEN we hit that adjustment phase, I dont know why it was delayed

but now we are getting back into our groove again!

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by SB7308

We didnt live together and it was/is a big adjustment. We are in a tiny apt and there isnt much room to escape.

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ha ha us too!

it was so strange, like the first 10-11 months were a honeymoon period. perfection, love happiness and little cupids everywhere

THEN we hit that adjustment phase, I dont know why it was delayed

but now we are getting back into our groove again!

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yea thats kind of how it went with us- first 3 months were fabulous & then it got rocky.

its mostly me, I have just been feeling a little exhausted from keeping up the house- I try a little too hard sometimes to be suzy homemaker with perfect cleaned house & full dinner every night. And its funny, because DH could care less about those things and would help if I asked- I just dont

we moved in before we were even engaged so i dont really remember what it was like - it def wasnt bad otherwise i would have remembered it i think we were both so excited and that is why it was so easy for us - and we were both pretty independent to begin with - both clean up after ourselves, both like a clean place so it wasnt like one of us was a slob and the other a neatfreak.....

i realized pretty early on that its just easier to pick up his dirty socks and put them in laundry then to nag about it.....at least that is how i feel.....to me nagging about little things like that take more energy out of you to fight over than if you just pick up after the person - kwim? my DH has a habit of collecting shoes by the front door, or i find his socks once in awhile in a random place in the house - and sometimes i leave dirty clothes on the bathroom floor - so for us its just easier to pick up after the other to be nice instead of nagging eachother over little petty things like dirty socks and underwear and its always been like that so i guess that is why we never had any fights about it......and we are both pretty clean so no need to fight over those kind of things.....

im sure things will work out - lots of people need to get used to living together so its not uncommon.....just dont fight over stupid stuff is my advice (as per my above example )

We didnt live together...but so far I think I am still in the newlywed phase where I feel like were playing house...it is still so fun to have dinners together and cook together and even clean together

I will say that I am very lucky bc my DH helps me A LOT especially with cleaning. On the weekends he does more than me..so I am lucky.

My brother thinks its insane that DH scrubs the bathroom and mops and vacuums...I am like you are SEXIST my SIL agrees with my bro that DH shouldnt do so much whatever to them

I dont know if it bc its new and the fights will begin but so far so good

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Posted by futuremrsfab

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by SB7308

We didnt live together and it was/is a big adjustment. We are in a tiny apt and there isnt much room to escape.

---

ha ha us too!

it was so strange, like the first 10-11 months were a honeymoon period. perfection, love happiness and little cupids everywhere

THEN we hit that adjustment phase, I dont know why it was delayed

but now we are getting back into our groove again!

---

yea thats kind of how it went with us- first 3 months were fabulous & then it got rocky.

its mostly me, I have just been feeling a little exhausted from keeping up the house- I try a little too hard sometimes to be suzy homemaker with perfect cleaned house & full dinner every night. And its funny, because DH could care less about those things and would help if I asked- I just dont

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you sound like me i got back into a routine and its going much better now!

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Posted by futuremrsfab

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Posted by ant n tilde

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Posted by SB7308

We didnt live together and it was/is a big adjustment. We are in a tiny apt and there isnt much room to escape.

---

ha ha us too!

it was so strange, like the first 10-11 months were a honeymoon period. perfection, love happiness and little cupids everywhere

THEN we hit that adjustment phase, I dont know why it was delayed

but now we are getting back into our groove again!

---

yea thats kind of how it went with us- first 3 months were fabulous & then it got rocky.

its mostly me, I have just been feeling a little exhausted from keeping up the house- I try a little too hard sometimes to be suzy homemaker with perfect cleaned house & full dinner every night. And its funny, because DH could care less about those things and would help if I asked- I just dont

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DH will clean the house, but on his schedule. He doesn't care if there are dirty dishes in the sink or if nothing is dusted for a month + or the tub is scrubbed. I am very much like you and trying to make our house a home and it's a lot of work. Do I want to cook when I get home from work? Or go through my cleaning routine? Absolutely not, but I do it because I don't want to live in an un-vaccuumed, dust-filled, pigsty. I don't nag DH, but I do just ask him if he would please vaccuum the den during commercials. This seems to work well. I'll pull out the vaccuum and leave it in the den and during commercials he does the den and formal living room! I hate having to ask, but I'm not nagging and I'm not doing everything either.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

we moved in before we were even engaged so i dont really remember what it was like - it def wasnt bad otherwise i would have remembered it i think we were both so excited and that is why it was so easy for us - and we were both pretty independent to begin with - both clean up after ourselves, both like a clean place so it wasnt like one of us was a slob and the other a neatfreak.....

i realized pretty early on that its just easier to pick up his dirty socks and put them in laundry then to nag about it.....at least that is how i feel.....to me nagging about little things like that take more energy out of you to fight over than if you just pick up after the person - kwim? my DH has a habit of collecting shoes by the front door, or i find his socks once in awhile in a random place in the house - and sometimes i leave dirty clothes on the bathroom floor - so for us its just easier to pick up after the other to be nice instead of nagging eachother over little petty things like dirty socks and underwear and its always been like that so i guess that is why we never had any fights about it......and we are both pretty clean so no need to fight over those kind of things.....

im sure things will work out - lots of people need to get used to living together so its not uncommon.....just dont fight over stupid stuff is my advice (as per my above example )

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I completely agree with what you're saying about fighting about little things, but I also think there are better ways to go about it. Instead of nagging DH to do something, I'll physically bring him the item and he does it.

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Posted by lizzie217

We didnt live together...but so far I think I am still in the newlywed phase where I feel like were playing house...it is still so fun to have dinners together and cook together and even clean together

I will say that I am very lucky bc my DH helps me A LOT especially with cleaning. On the weekends he does more than me..so I am lucky.

My brother thinks its insane that DH scrubs the bathroom and mops and vacuums...I am like you are SEXIST my SIL agrees with my bro that DH shouldnt do so much whatever to them

I dont know if it bc its new and the fights will begin but so far so good

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see thats the thing my DH helps me too - if i ask him please do the dishes i dont feel like it he will do it - and when i am cleaning on the weekend he helps if he is home so that it gets done quicker - or sometimes he'll cook dinner while i clean or vice versa....i do the majority of the housework and day to day stuff but my DH def helps a lot - sometimes he yells at me though when i want to clean and he wants to just relax with me he's like leave it until later or tomorrow and i'm like i can't i have to do it now or it will make me crazy hahahaha

we didn't live together before the wedding, but due to the fact that it was a long distance relationship, I WOULD go to Colorado & spend weeks to months with him at a time in his apartment. I think that time together visiting did help a lot, because in those small segments we also got to know each other as a 'roommate' (and it was never long enough to argue about anything. lol) Now the transition of actually living together has been no problem at all. I mean, it's only been 2 months since we've gotten married, but so far everything's been smooth sailing! The only thing that's been 'different' is our morning and weekend routines. I'm the type that after a long week of work, my FAVORITE way to spend a weekend is to relax - ya know, stay in my PJs and not put on any makeup. HE on the other hand always has to be up early on Saturday mornings (because he doesn't like to 'waste' a day) and we've gotta go out and be productive. So that's the only conflict we've had. Me wanting to stay home & relax, and him wanting to go out and get stuff done. But it's never caused an argument. Hopefully it never will. We've just gotta compromise I think. Maybe go out Saturday and relax Sunday after church (or visa versa). We'll see

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by lizzie217

We didnt live together...but so far I think I am still in the newlywed phase where I feel like were playing house...it is still so fun to have dinners together and cook together and even clean together

I will say that I am very lucky bc my DH helps me A LOT especially with cleaning. On the weekends he does more than me..so I am lucky.

My brother thinks its insane that DH scrubs the bathroom and mops and vacuums...I am like you are SEXIST my SIL agrees with my bro that DH shouldnt do so much whatever to them

I dont know if it bc its new and the fights will begin but so far so good

---

see thats the thing my DH helps me too - if i ask him please do the dishes i dont feel like it he will do it - and when i am cleaning on the weekend he helps if he is home so that it gets done quicker - or sometimes he'll cook dinner while i clean or vice versa....i do the majority of the housework and day to day stuff but my DH def helps a lot - sometimes he yells at me though when i want to clean and he wants to just relax with me he's like leave it until later or tomorrow and i'm like i can't i have to do it now or it will make me crazy hahahaha

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See to me this is so important,,,I think DH and I would fight A LOT if he didnt help..I work also...HELLLLLOOOOO...

I mean I do more on a day to day basis, like you said, but weekends he really does all the dirty work I dont wanna

For me it was too overwhelming...I can now say that i was a spoiled brat at home, dinner was made, house was cleaned, bills we paid and when i got married BANG its all on me and my husband now...

I had to cook, clean, split my paycheck, go to work, same routine over and over again and i was going nuts and we would fight...Finally DH saw how tired i was and he has been helping me alot, when hes home he cleans... he does dishes I am very lucky...but its still alot of work...the weekends used be for relaxing and now its for laundry and cleaning lol...i have accepted it now and Im wondering how the hell can i do this and have kids? lol

Thank God there is a TV in our bedroom because if we bicker i just go there to escape...its very normal