i was wondering, it is very awkward when you have a few people who you don't seem to have a gift from....do you just forget it? I am starting my thankyous, and there are a few couples who I don't have as giving anything, and they are good family friends. My mom is afraid that the gift may have been lost...Did anyone have this issue? Thanks!
Stef28
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
I had a similar problem. One thing to do is have another family member perhaps ask them if they sent a gift -- this way it's not you doing it and making both sides feel awkward. The other thing to do is simply send them a Thank You card for sharing your wedding day. Then if they see that they'll probably wonder why you didn't thank them for the gift, and perhaps ask you about it.
NuBride
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Re: I did, NO GIFT no thank you
As my girlfriend put it, when she got stiffed....'Thanks for What?' I did not send thank you gifts for people that did not send a gift and for all those who said they were bringing a date and me having to confirm (courtesy check) once more before giving the numbers to the hall and they still showed up alone, thanks for what? People know better these days and of course it's the ones you really don't talk to , to begin with. I ate 5 plates...times that by $100 we had one of my husbands aquaintence tell him the day before the wedding that he'll see him tomorrow...well he alledgedly got sick and didn't make the wedding, so you tell me why he wouldn't send the card in the mail if he had every intention on coming less then 24 hours before the wedding? I learned alot about weddings especially when you plan your own and how much I respect all the time, money and effort that go into it. Your Mom is 'hoping' the gift got lost, trust me it didn't, unless someone calls you in a few weeks to say that their check didn't clear, then you know you got stiffed. My advice leave it alone. I had a co-worker come with her date, no card, no gift and she danced and drank her butt off. I never sent her a thank you card and I never heard from her again, so do you think she knew what she was doing? It cost me $200 bucks to get rid of a phony friend. Money well spent.
Mary
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
For the gift, write it off. We still have a few who did not give us a gift. Oh well. However, they did not get a thank you. But, believe it or not, we did receive gifts from 3 people within the last month, and we got married almost 9 months ago. Go figure!
One fairly good friend did not give us a present and he has done this to other friends. He is getting married in May and he shouldn't be surprised when he opens a few empty envelopes.
Suzanne
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
My MOH didnt give me a gift.. i kept hearing, i left the card at home.. why didnt you remind me.. i chalked it up to she didnt really have a gift for us..of course my feelings are that i would NEVER EVER forget to give someone a gift at their wedding especially since she was in the wedding.. however,. i took the high road, i thanked her for comming and sent her the picture.. but when it comes time for hers...i think i may 'forget the card at home'
Karen H
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
A gift is just that, a gift, and while it's generally the custom, it's not required. You'll just look greedy if you ask where your gift is - no matter how you phrase it, it won't come out right. Best to let it pass and they'll ask if they are concerned of it's arrival.
One thing your mother could do is casually mention how proud she is that you got all your thank you's out so quickly, giving them an opening to say they never received one for their gift.
Or you could do like that girl in an old Dear Abby letter did, and send an invoice after the wedding to the guests that RSVP'd and then didn't show!
LisaT
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
We had about 10 friends who still haven't given gifts. A couple of them mentioned they just hadn't gotten it yet - others never said anything (this is 3 months later). I'm still hoping some show up - these are people who's wedding we flew to NY for AND gave a gift only a few months ago.
I did send thank you's for sharing the day (even though the gift has not yet arrived). Especially to my CA friends that flew in for the wedding - that was gift enough.
For the others, I was hoping the thank you would spur on the gift giving.
KGB
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
I agree that a gift is a gift, not a requirement. I sent thank you cards to the few people who didn't give gifts. They came and shared and that's really what I wanted, not necessarily the gift. I was surprised, but I wouldn't have the b@lls to ask where the gift went.
I didn't get a thank you once (and I did give a gift). I wonder to this day why? Some people are just rude, so chalk it up to whatever you want and move on.
dgtlsunshine
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
You ladies are so funny. I am on the floor from some of your comments. Its weird to me that people would attend a wedding and not give a gift. I mean its not demanded that you bring a gift but I would not feel right giving nothing. I felt bad at my friend's wedding when I did not have a lot to give but I gave what I could, to go and give nothing my goodness I do think that is rude. We had a few people attend our wedding and not give gifts. I will send them a thank you for sharing in our day though.
phyl
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had two like that..
In one case it was a fam friend on my hubbys side and counted their shower gift as THE gift- but they were older and some people do that. We were happy that theyh came up from FLA to share our day.
Another couple- friends of my hubby when he was in college- came and handed us an empty envelope. maybe it is petty of me but I was upset. Why come? Even if all they could afford was $20- put that in with a nice note.
Note to guests: dont come if you cant afford a gift. Your seat costs us big dough in NY!! ( the exemption to the rule is if you had to fly cross country- I told my fam that their presence is all I wanted. guess what- they didnt show!)
I think I am just going to send the thank you and thank you for sharing our day...
if they did give us a gift...the check won't be cashed and they will ask (this did happen to my mother) if it was cash...we are out of luck...if they didn't give a gift? then they will be reminded how classy I am and how classless they are!
one exception...one of FH's friends friends (came as the dat of someone else...and she got sick and he came anyway)...I don't like...did not give us a gift...and I will not send him a thank you...
in addition to no gifts...we had 5 (+1 guest) no shows...1 was bitter he wasn't invited to someone else wedding 3 weeks before...so I'm out $150...3 got sick (no gift yet, but they 'say' its on the way)...1 got laid-off and was able to get a weekend consulting job 'says' gift is on its way..
I don't mean to sound greedy, but I would have just wanted a card...I planned this huge affari and you can't even acknowledge my wedding day with a card??!! A good friend of ours was laid off 3 days before our wedding and got us a card (something he never does...always gives cash in an envelope) and explained that due to certain circumstances he could not get us a gift, yet...I thought it was the sweetest thing in the world...
Kate
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Our experience
Ok, I want to preface this by saying my husband and I saved and saved and paid for our wedding virtually on our own. So when wedding day rolled around we were debtfree (except for a few splurges!) and did not expect a gift from ANYONE. Call it it pride but I don't like taking things from people. Anyhow, I know thats not the norm and when the odd gift goes missing you wonder 'Did it get lost or stolen?'
We had three such circumstances -all no cards at all. One was a good friend of mine who I thought would surely have some mushy words of wisdom for me on my wedding day so that is what i missed most. Second was my F&MIL, and third my DH cousin.
My husband nervously called his mother to ask if she gave us a card (thinking it was lost) and she said no.
When we returned from our honeymoon we received a card and gift from the inlaws (?) and my friend (turns out she really did forget it!) however, it wasn't until about 7 months later that DH cousin sent us a very nice gift from his recen travels.
All of our guests got thank yous for sharing our day regardless of whether a gift was received and now I'm glad I did that cause they all came through in the end !
NuBride
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Re: Our experience
You got lucky, thanks for sharing.
Kel
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
We had a few people we didn't get anything from, but we also had a card with cash in it that was not signed!!
So, since we couldn't figure out who it was that gave us the unsigned card with the cash, we sent thank yous to everyone who attended, and for those who we didn't have as giving us anything, we just sent a general thank you, in case the unsigned card was from one of them. We just didn't know how else to handle it.
In the end, though, I'm glad everyone got thank yous despite whether they gave us something. You really do find out how class-less people can be when throwing your own wedding. But I never like to stoop to other people's levels. Like many couple's, we had people on our guest list that were only on because it was the 'right' thing to do, so when some of these people didn't bring us a gift, I guess we still thought it was more right to say 'thanks for sharing in the day' than not do anything.
Oh, and by the way, we also had people insisting they were bringing a guest, then showed up alone. Or, they insisted they were coming with their guest, then didn't show up at all.
Shamee
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
I wasn't deeply concerned with 'gifts' from my guests on my wedding day, but I was pretty pissed off when my neighbor's daughter (who was living home with her children) invited herself to the wedding and then asked if her children could come. We decided to include them and three days before the wedding, they inform my mother that they won't be there (due to another engagement) Then of course, there was the ex-boyfriend of mine from high school that was invited (stupid me) because my husband thought he would feel bad if we didn't invite him and we invited ALL of our mutual friends/gang. He calls me the night before our wedding (at 11:30 p.m.) to tell me that he can't 'afford' a gift and that I'm making a HUGE mistake by marrying my fiance because I should be with him?!? What did he expect me to say?!? Needless to say, he didn't get a thank you (I would of liked to have issued him some sort of other 'bleep' you instead The icing on my cake was that fiance had this friend who also cried poor, so he made arrangements to set her up with a hotel room, sent her money to travel up for the wedding, etc. because it was very important to him for her to be there. The morning of the wedding, she calls one of the ushers answering machines (didn't even call him or me) and made up some really lame excuse of how she got into a fight with her boyfriend that morning, her father was abducted by aliens, the dish ran away with the spoon, etc. We lost the deposit on the room and she NEVER sent us the money for the travel. We got a card from her MONTHS later - included was an apology and a check for $25.00. I wanted to wipe my butt with it! I understand situations arise but people can be just incredibly inconsiderate.
dgtlsunshine
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
Shamee you are not alone. Oh I had some of those not at my wedding too. I guess people are being abducting on the rise on Long Island.
lizrio
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
Thanks everyone for your replies. It was great to hear that what I thought was out of the ordinary or just plain rude, isn't! I wasn't going to send out thank yous unless there was a gift, but i guess for 3-4 people, i should just thank them for coming...it was still the best day of our lives!!!! since its been 3 months already, I have to get these thank yous out. i honestly must say though that for me, i could not imagine not giving a gift at a wedding!
Cira
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Re: guests who didn't give gifts???
I feel really bad for all of you - we had just one with no card and she sent it after the wedding. We did have a cancellation two days before (about a death in their family), but my cousin from Canada (that I didn't expect) came and we decided to feed two more vendors, so I didn't lose out. We haven't received a gift from them, but because we were all right, I don't really care. People really stink sometimes and I agree that I would never even think about going to a wedding without a gift!
Kate
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Nubride -Re: our experience
No, we didn't 'get' lucky. I did the right thing by sending an acknowledgement and thank you to people who were invited guests to our wedding and came to enjoy themselves. Your welcome. Geesh....
NuBride
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Re: Kate- Relax
You obviously read the thread the way you wanted to and took offense to it, NOT my problem...and again you got lucky (now I'm being a wise-ass) Again thanks for sharing Martha Stewart.
