Has anyone experienced fear about marriage?

after they got married? I love my husband and he has been so wonderful, such a provider for me. He treats me wonderfully, but lately something has changed in our relationship.
Married for one year, recently, we have become companions to each other- not as romantic as we once were. We went out with a couple the other night- they were all over each other- and we were like the 'old married couple'. It really frightened me. I feel scared to be married, starting to see what 'this is for life' means and honestly, I am a little lonely. Did this happen to anyone? I gave up so much for this relationship- my relationship with my parents has suffered (they are not great parents though to begin with)- and feel the monotomy. The excitement is not there anymore although we are best friends to each other. I have to ask him all the time if I am still attractive to him, because I have watched our sex life dwindle to one or twice a week. I am nervous. Does this happen? Does anyone else just get nervous? Their life is intertwined with this person for the rest of their lives! Please help.

Re: Has anyone experienced fear about marriage?

i think most people have experience this for a short bit but the easiet thing to do is to look at that person and remembr what made you guys fall in love in the first place. i know oftentimes its hard not to compare ourselves to others, but everyone is different. ...while one couple may be more hands on, they might not have the same intellectual or emotional connections you both might have.....have you tried to tell him how you feel? maybe he is feeling a little that way too...communication might work with this and help you boht feel a little better

if you want, you could always go for counseling, either individual or together, too.....the other thing you could do (its what dh and i have done since we got married!) is make sure that you guys have 'couple' time on a weekly basis - just you both doing somehting, maybe dinner or a date night, etc....sometimes also just having time for yourself to do things with friends or on your own (and same for dh!) works since its important to still keep some of the friendships you guys had before too!

to you and best of luck!!!

Re: Has anyone experienced fear about marriage?

I think that it naturaul to be relaxed and more used to each other....so much so, that you don't feel that you have the same connection that you once did - and you feel like you're stuck in a rut.
Perhaps you can try to make a point to do one romantic thing a week....really make an effort to get the romance back.
And try not to compare your relationship to someone else's.....even though they may be all over each other in publilc, there's a chance that could be for show because they are trying to prove something about their relationship that isn't there....a friend of mine is comstantly touching her boyfriend and calling him 'honey', and I don't think it's because they have this wonderful loving relationship, I think it's because she's trying to prove that they do - to herself, as much as everyone else!!
good luck!!!

Re: Has anyone experienced fear about marriage?

OK, I know I've been a newlywed for about, oh, less than a week and a half, but DH and I have lived together for almost all of our relationship (4 years out of the 4.5 we've been together).

We've been through periods like you described where it seems like we're more like roommates than partners and lovers. Having sex only once or twice a week is not a horrible thing. You may have been used to being intimate more frequently, but are you really in the mood as much as you used to be, or do you just think you should be? Do you feel that connection when you do have sex? Are you thinking that your sex life is a symptom of something bigger?

I ask these things because intimacy is about more than sex. I'm sure you know that. The difference between an intimate friendship and an intimate romantic relationship is the sex. However, I think there's times in a marriage where the intimacy shifts, even if just briefly or for longer periods of time, and that's what makes a marriage. The ability to shift to satisfy whatever needs are there at the moment. Have you spoken with your husband about this? Is there something stressful going on in one or both of your lives right now that may be leaving you needing more of the emotional intimacy and less of the physical?

I strongly suggest you speak with your husband about this and try to figure out what you are worried about and/or how to make things more the way you'd like them to be.

Re: Has anyone experienced fear about marriage?

I think every relationship has its ups and downs. It is unrealistic to think of your relationship in terms of what others around you are doing. Everyone is different. Having sex less frequently is only a problem if one or both of you is not satisfied. If you are both comfortable with the frequency, then you don't need to be worried about what anyone else is doing.

You need to have a serious talk with your husband about this. I am not sure, but it sounds like your expectations for your marriage are a bit high. It certainly isn't all moonlight and roses

Re: Has anyone experienced fear about marriage?

ive been married 5 months but lived with my husband before that. marriage is awesome but it is work!! just like anything, after awhile it becomes the same routine.. try to remember the little things and why you fell in love.. besides the sex- we have such a bond- we cuddle, give massages, pillow fight, tickle-
hell surprise me with flowers, illleave him notes, we take walks..... we have a date night once a week, we try to get away when we can.... ive learned that it takes work and that it takes two to make it work. its so easy to fall into a rut and routine. the most important i have learned is to communicate. i was never one to do that and it has devestated ast relationships. talk to your husband and let him know how you feel..

Re: Has anyone experienced fear about marriage?

I agree with all that the girls have said, marriage is not necessarily the fairy tale that we were told as little girls. I love my husband dearly, he is my best friend and companion first and foremost.

We work oposite shifts and we are lucky if we get to spend time together on the weekends. Lately are weekends are devoted to events or working on the house. We have not had a lot of couple time, and that is OK. It is a phase that we are in right now and it is OK. We are busy and that is that. But because we work opposite shifts, we do not see each at all during the week, and as Becky said it is not a problem for us. It has been our life for the past (almost) 7 years and that is OK with us.

I think that you will find as you get busy with other things; house and children. That sex becomes more and more irregular and that is OK if you are OK with it. IMHO it is more important NOT to lose your emotional intimacy with one another. That is where the real work is.

I hope that you feel better soon, and that this phase passes!

I am sorry, if this doesn't make sense I was out in the sun all day and I think I fried my brain.