Having a tough day :(

I just need a little vent ... if you feel like reading a bunch of cr@p then read on ...

I'm so frustrated with my job situation. I have wanted to quit for almost 9 months now and I am still here. I graduated from college wanting to be an editor and for the first two and a half years after, I was. I worked at a small trade publication and made a salary so tiny that I now make almost $30K more than that (and I don't make much!!!). I took my current job (mostly secretarial/admin) because it was a lot more money and much more secure. It was OK at first but I quickly grew to hate it for many reasons. Mostly though, I frequently feel very under appreciated and overworked. It gets to the point where I spend a lot of Sunday nights crying in anticipation of going to work the next day.

A major part of the problem is that in the latter part of 2011 DH and I are planning to start TTC. Once we do (god willing) and have kids, I am going to stay at home until they're in school full-time, and then I'll work part-time (likely). I am so lucky that we can afford this plan. But it means that I'm sort of stuck where I am/what I'm doing because a) I make a pretty decent salary and we're saving/paying bills, b) an entry-level job elsewhere will probably be a pay cut of $15-20K, c) I feel like I can't start over in a new field because by the time I get to that point I will be trying for a baby and having to quit.

DH has always said he will support whatever decision I choose in terms of what I want to do with my life. If I want to quit this job and devote my time to looking for a new one, he'll support me. If I want him to help me apply to jobs while I keep this one, he'll support me. But today when I was talking to him during my lunch hour, it sounded like while he says he is being supportive, he really doesn't see why I need a new job/new field because I'm only going to quit in a year or two to have kids anyway. I feel like he just wishes I would scuk it up and hang onto the job until that day comes.

I just feel so lost. I had a terrible college experience and struggled so much and despite taking an involuntary semester off, wound up graduating on time, which was a huge accomplishment. I struggled so hard and so much and I just feel like when I look around I have nothing to show for it. I feel so insignificant and I just never imagined I would wind up here, and I don't know how to change it because I don't know what I want to do or how to do it. I feel like I expected and demanded so much more of myself and I've made nothing of my life. I hate my job, I am miserable, and apparently I'm unqualified to do much of anything despite my college degree.

I hope I don't sound ungrateful. I know so many of you are unemployed and struggling. But I feel like I am wasting my life waking up day after day miserable. I feel like I owe myself so much more than this. I just don't know how to get there.

Thanks for letting me vent ... I've been crying all day over this and I think DH is tired of hearing this same sob story over and over again ...