how do I tell my friend

that we love her, and she's welcome over any time, but we want nothing to do with her BF.

I have a friend (one of my best friends actually) whose BF isn't the brightest crayon in the box if you know what I mean. He doesn't have a censor button and says whats on his mind at ALL times. He belittles DH and I, makes fun of my friend every chance he gets, and is loud, obnoxious and just plain rude.

We've tried our best to get to know him and like him for the sake of our friendship, but last night was the breaking point. We invited them over last night to see our new apartment and watch a movie. They finally come over at 930, and he proceeds to raid our fridge and complains that there isn't any beer. He complained about every movie choice on netflix, and complained how we didn't have party food in our house (see a pattern? complain complain complain )

DH did his best to keep his cool, but he ended up kicking them out after only an hour. He wants me to call her today and explain what I just wrote, but I don't know how to say it without hurting her feelings. She's been through alot of horrible relationships in her past, and she seems to be pretty happy with him (i don't get it but to each his own). I'm afraid this may really hurt our friendship, but if we don't say anything she's going to wonder why they're never invited over our house and it'll start something sooner or later.

help!

Re: how do I tell my friend

tough situation ...

i'm not sure i'd say anything ... just keep hanging out with her but as a 'girls night out' sort of thing .... that way, she won't feel like you're ignoring her, and you won't have to deal with her obnoxious bf.

good luck

Re: how do I tell my friend

If the BF is that disrespectful to you and DH my concern would be how he really treats her.

You're in a tough spot cause I think she's going to take offense to however you package it. I would probably say something like you think it's best that he should come over only when their are a group of people...but even that sounds weird to me.

Just reiterate to her how much you really love her. I'm not sure how he's really treating her but this just might be one of those relationships that comes and goes. When the real 'one' comes along she'll know it's the one when her friends actually like hanging out with her BF.

Sorry...this response really doesn't help!

Re: how do I tell my friend

That's a really tough situation...

I would approach it from an angle of concern - Just start by saying, 'Hey, I was hoping I could talk to you about something. Whenever we spend time with [BF], I feel like we are being put down. It's hard to spend time with him and enjoy ourselves because we have to go on the defensive about different things when we're together. I only wanted to bring this up because I know how much he means to you and I don't want it to affect our friendship.'

And then maybe ask if she has noticed the behavior or if she has any insight as to why he might be acting like that. Kind of put the ball in her court to see how she responds. Ultimately, even if you don't care about the dude, you do care about your friend so do your best to preserve her feelings while making it clear that his behavior is not something you wish to participate in anymore.

Re: how do I tell my friend

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Posted by Linzee636

That's a really tough situation...

I would approach it from an angle of concern - Just start by saying, 'Hey, I was hoping I could talk to you about something. Whenever we spend time with [BF], I feel like we are being put down. It's hard to spend time with him and enjoy ourselves because we have to go on the defensive about different things when we're together. I only wanted to bring this up because I know how much he means to you and I don't want it to affect our friendship.'

And then maybe ask if she has noticed the behavior or if she has any insight as to why he might be acting like that. Kind of put the ball in her court to see how she responds. Ultimately, even if you don't care about the dude, you do care about your friend so do your best to preserve her feelings while making it clear that his behavior is not something you wish to participate in anymore.

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Oh you're good!!!!

Re: how do I tell my friend

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Posted by AwaitingAugust

tough situation ...

i'm not sure i'd say anything ... just keep hanging out with her but as a 'girls night out' sort of thing .... that way, she won't feel like you're ignoring her, and you won't have to deal with her obnoxious bf.

good luck

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thanks for your input!

i wish it was as simple as that though. he goes EVERYWHERE she goes. We try having a girls night and every time like clockwork he calls her incessantly until she goes to his house. just can't seem to let her have some fun

Re: how do I tell my friend

Ugh, I know how you feel. My BFF is 'dating' (and I use the term loosely) this loser for the past like year and a half now. All I know is say something now, don't wait until he does something to really make you blow up. I'd just tell her you think his behavior is a little disrespectful, which it IS.

Re: how do I tell my friend

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Posted by 2010BTB

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Posted by Linzee636

That's a really tough situation...

I would approach it from an angle of concern - Just start by saying, 'Hey, I was hoping I could talk to you about something. Whenever we spend time with [BF], I feel like we are being put down. It's hard to spend time with him and enjoy ourselves because we have to go on the defensive about different things when we're together. I only wanted to bring this up because I know how much he means to you and I don't want it to affect our friendship.'

And then maybe ask if she has noticed the behavior or if she has any insight as to why he might be acting like that. Kind of put the ball in her court to see how she responds. Ultimately, even if you don't care about the dude, you do care about your friend so do your best to preserve her feelings while making it clear that his behavior is not something you wish to participate in anymore.

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Oh you're good!!!!

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seriously!!!

I wanna read this word for word to her LOL.


thanks for all the help ladies!

Re: how do I tell my friend

Hmm yea this does seem really tough...

I can see it from both points - this guy is a real tool and should not be disrespecting your place like that and I see if from the friend since she's had a rough time and you don't want to hurt her.

But he could very well be hurting her and she might be too 'blind' to see it.

Maybe you can turn it around on him and ask your friend.. you can start by kind of re-caping the night and ask her 'does XXXX like us? me and DH just got a funny feeling from him the whole night and by the way he was talking to us and his actions, it kinda felt like he didnt want to be there. Did we do something wrong?'

maybe try to feel her out that way and see what she says.. if she says 'oh that's the way he is' that could be your greenlight to say 'well that's not okay'

Re: how do I tell my friend

thanks girls.


all this advice is wonderful! hopefully it goes smoothly.

Re: how do I tell my friend

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Posted by WeezyGirl2354

Maybe you can turn it around on him and ask your friend.. you can start by kind of re-caping the night and ask her 'does XXXX like us? me and DH just got a funny feeling from him the whole night and by the way he was talking to us and his actions, it kinda felt like he didnt want to be there. Did we do something wrong?'

maybe try to feel her out that way and see what she says.. if she says 'oh that's the way he is' that could be your greenlight to say 'well that's not okay'

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i like this approach.

Re: how do I tell my friend

i wouldnt recap anything!!!!!!!!

you or your man need to point out what hes doing the second after he does it

last thing you want is

'i dont remember that'
'he didnt say it thaty way'
etc