How do you handle this

ok here is the deal. DH and I have a friend that is a lesbian, her and her brother are like family to us, we love and adore them, etc.

So this friend of ours has a girlfriend-we met her at our wedding b/c she came as an uninvited guest its all good, didnt bother me too much. So anyway, the whole weekend that they were here all teh GF did was complain, to far to walk, tired, hungry-just all out bitchiing about everything.

Fast forward, i get emails from our friend all the time, she misses us and loves us (she is out of state) and we need to call her......ok. I speak to her brother 2x a week if not more, at least once on the phone to KIT. fine...I tell her to DL AIM so that we can talk without making their phone bill crazy....instead who do i get on it...the GF. Not that I dont like her but um I havent talked to my FRIEND b/c the GF always wants to talk to us....is it wrong of me to tell the GF I dont want to talk to her? And would like to hear from my FRIENDS mouth how she is doing and not thru the GF? The GF will just get on the computer and be like 'she wanted me to tell you she misses you'

Can I tell her to go scratch herself...or would that be realy mean?

To add to it, the brother also says he never gets to speak to his sister b/c the GF always speaks for her-do I lose my mind on this girl or leave well enough alone?

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Posted by diva7531

That is a rough one! I would probably just call and ask for her and if she ca't speak just say tell her to call when she can and bye. Maybe she'll get the point!

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Ive tried this...every other time I cant be mean to her-but NOW im starting to get to the point where I cant stand to here her voice or see her name pop up on my IM screen

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by diva7531

That is a rough one! I would probably just call and ask for her and if she ca't speak just say tell her to call when she can and bye. Maybe she'll get the point!

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Ive tried this...every other time I cant be mean to her-but NOW im starting to get to the point where I cant stand to here her voice or see her name pop up on my IM screen

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Maybe she wants to get in YOUR panties!

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Posted by HamptonsBride

oh man....now if it was a boyfriend you'd think he was controlling, right? Just cause it's a chick...doesn't mean it's not the same thing...sounds like she's running the show...does your friend have a cellphone you could call her at directly? Maybe joke about it and say...what does GF do all the talking for you now?? maybe she'll get the hint? Hang in there...i wouldn't lose it on the GF cause it would probably upset your friend..

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EXACTLY the issue...she is controlling! She wouldnt even let her do a fargin shot with us at our wedding ridiculous!!! THEY have a cell phone...the GF always has it....and I guess she screens the calls b/c she always answers even if our friend is sitting right next to her. Losing it on her would definitely upset my friend...but when outside people are being pushed away b/c of your GF...I dont konw...I guess she thinks we all have to like her b/c she does-I just dont like her, I dont know why but she urks me like no other

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Posted by Brian and Marie

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by diva7531

That is a rough one! I would probably just call and ask for her and if she ca't speak just say tell her to call when she can and bye. Maybe she'll get the point!

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Ive tried this...every other time I cant be mean to her-but NOW im starting to get to the point where I cant stand to here her voice or see her name pop up on my IM screen

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Maybe she wants to get in YOUR panties!

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it wouldnt shock me

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Posted by Shorty McBride

DH has a friend in the same situation.... the girl was screening his cell calls. So now he just calls his friend when he knows he's driving to and from work (ALONE).

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her work hours change SO much that its hard to do this, I call her at work but she is never there... I dotn konw, Im hoping i get just her on the phone one day and she tells me the GF is out so I can tell her I dont want to talk to her but in a nice way

Maybe her GF isn't passing on the messages to your friend when you tell her over IM.

Its probably not going to work either, but what about sending a short & sweet email to your friend?

Its possible that the GF is screening her emails too ... but does she have a work email that you can send it to instead? Of course, this only works if it wouldn't get her in trouble for getting personal email.

Just a quick note that says:

Hey ______! I miss you, and would love to catch up when you have a chance. Give me a call soon, I feel like we haven't spoken in forever.

id just flat out nicely ask 'can i talk to ___, please?' and if shes busy or not there, get off the phone with her GF, 'alright, well can you have her call me back?' or 'alright, well Ill try again later, thx tho!' ...easier and probably nicer way to handle it than getting into it with the GF or offending her, only bc that probably wouldn't do much for you and your relationship with your friend.

the AIM thing, kinda weird, id write 'can she come to the computer?, id really like to chat with her' and if not, same as the phone, 'ill try her later' deal. you can only do so much.

eventually, you have to catch her by calling or IM! (does your friend call YOU ever? seems like the only way to talk to her!)

you can be cordial but you don't need to sit and chat THROUGH her GF all the time!

i can see why youd be irritated, peg!!

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Posted by kns11

Peg can you e-mail her and tell her you miss chatting with her and that you would like to set up a time where you two can talk...or have you tried this?

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We think alike

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Posted by PreshusSmurf

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Posted by kns11

Peg can you e-mail her and tell her you miss chatting with her and that you would like to set up a time where you two can talk...or have you tried this?

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We think alike

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Great minds think alike right back at ya babe

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

id just flat out nicely ask 'can i talk to ___, please?' and if shes busy or not there, get off the phone with her GF, 'alright, well can you have her call me back?' or 'alright, well Ill try again later, thx tho!' ...easier and probably nicer way to handle it than getting into it with the GF or offending her, only bc that probably wouldn't do much for you and your relationship with your friend.

the AIM thing, kinda weird, id write 'can she come to the computer?, id really like to chat with her' and if not, same as the phone, 'ill try her later' deal. you can only do so much.

eventually, you have to catch her by calling or IM! (does your friend call YOU ever? seems like the only way to talk to her!)

you can be cordial but you don't need to sit and chat THROUGH her GF all the time!

i can see why youd be irritated, peg!!

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I Agree.
I would put it exactly like that.

She Does Sounds Soo Controlling.

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Posted by diva7531

That is a rough one! I would probably just call and ask for her and if she ca't speak just say tell her to call when she can and bye. Maybe she'll get the point!

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I agree !! As much as I know you would love to tell her to scratch

08-er crashing....


I'd just call your friend and tell her how you feel. Why should you have to communicate through someone??? Good Luck

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Posted by PegaLega

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Posted by HamptonsBride

oh man....now if it was a boyfriend you'd think he was controlling, right? Just cause it's a chick...doesn't mean it's not the same thing...sounds like she's running the show...does your friend have a cellphone you could call her at directly? Maybe joke about it and say...what does GF do all the talking for you now?? maybe she'll get the hint? Hang in there...i wouldn't lose it on the GF cause it would probably upset your friend..

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EXACTLY the issue...she is controlling! She wouldnt even let her do a fargin shot with us at our wedding ridiculous!!! THEY have a cell phone...the GF always has it....and I guess she screens the calls b/c she always answers even if our friend is sitting right next to her. Losing it on her would definitely upset my friend...but when outside people are being pushed away b/c of your GF...I dont konw...I guess she thinks we all have to like her b/c she does-I just dont like her, I dont know why but she urks me like no other

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That's really scary, that someone else is controlling your friend's life.
Def try to call her directly without the GF nearby. Can you call her at work ?
I'd voice my concern that the chick is too controlling and it's not only you that has noticed. An internvention maybe ?
Waht do her parents say about this ?

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

id just flat out nicely ask 'can i talk to ___, please?' and if shes busy or not there, get off the phone with her GF, 'alright, well can you have her call me back?' or 'alright, well Ill try again later, thx tho!' ...easier and probably nicer way to handle it than getting into it with the GF or offending her, only bc that probably wouldn't do much for you and your relationship with your friend.

the AIM thing, kinda weird, id write 'can she come to the computer?, id really like to chat with her' and if not, same as the phone, 'ill try her later' deal. you can only do so much.

eventually, you have to catch her by calling or IM! (does your friend call YOU ever? seems like the only way to talk to her!)

you can be cordial but you don't need to sit and chat THROUGH her GF all the time!

i can see why youd be irritated, peg!!

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IM just going to keep trying this...she does call but Im never home now that Im working until 7 pm, and I keep my phone on silent so I miss the calls I want to beat her GF up-is that bad