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How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

N.Y.bride Posted:

How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Do you really not care?
Does it bother you a little bit?
Does it bother you a lot?

Do you talk to any of your ex's?



How would you feel if that ex was his ex-fiance and she left her husband for a VERY short time and slept with your DH (before you met)(She had children and her husband still doesnt know she was ever with anyone else)

Can you tell Im going through it. I havent said a word to him. Just wanted to get some opinions. I trust Anthony, but feel SOME women are just trouble. At the end of her email she said 'I love you.' I'm just having some mixed feelings on this one. O.k. I wont lie.. I dont like it. I know how some women can be. I know he can handle himself, but I feel this woman emailing my husband and telling him I love you is kind of disrespectful to me. Anyone agree? BTW He hasnt contacted her back that I know of
Mrs. Powell Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Posted by N.Y.bride

Do you really not care?
Does it bother you a little bit?
Does it bother you a lot?

Do you talk to any of your ex's?



How would you feel if that ex was his ex-fiance and she left her husband for a VERY short time and slept with your DH (before you met)(She had children and her husband still doesnt know she was ever with anyone else)

Can you tell Im going through it. I havent said a word to him. Just wanted to get some opinions. I trust Anthony, but feel SOME women are just trouble. At the end of her email she said 'I love you.' I'm just having some mixed feelings on this one. O.k. I wont lie.. I dont like it. I know how some women can be. I know he can handle himself, but I feel this woman emailing my husband and telling him I love you is kind of disrespectful to me. Anyone agree? BTW He hasnt contacted her back that I know of


I so agree with you on this. I think that she emailing or writing a letter to your DH and telling him that she loves him is very much out of line. I would not feel comfortable with her at all. Even though your DH is innocent he needs to tell this woman that her emails are inappropiate and she need to put a halt on those kind of emails because he does not want it to be a problem to his marriage. I just can't stand some females these days. Gosh
Yes my DH ex calls now and then but she is quite nice to me and I know there is nothing there but just a mere friendship.
David'sbride Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

He doesn't. Not even from his ex-wife.

I tend to be old school on this... the more serious the former relationship the better off both parties are if they stop all contact. Chances are one of the two parties still harbors feelings for the other at least that's been my experience.

My DH's ex was calling after their divorce and right before we got engaged. She wanted to see if he still had the crockpot and could she have it. Ummmm... jeez, could she think of a more transparent excuse to talk to him??? DH is too good natured so he didn't see right through it. Once I pointed it out to him he agreed. I didn't ask him to but he called her and told her it would not be appropriate to continue contact as they no longer have a relationship .

Oh, and what is good for the gander is good for the goose. I don't speak to my exes. On the rare occassion I've bumped into a few. I wish them well, make some polite conversation and move on.

I also agree that there are women out there that are as slimey as some of the men out there.
N.Y.bride Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

We both also agreed we would not contact our ex's back after a point in our relationship. This girl sends his mom letters and Christmas Cards every year with pics of her kids and my MIL hangs them on the fridge. I dont say anything, but it kinda bothers me.

Mrs. Powell Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Posted by N.Y.bride

We both also agreed we would not contact our ex's back after a point in our relationship. This girl sends his mom letters and Christmas Cards every year with pics of her kids and my MIL hangs them on the fridge. I dont say anything, but it kinda bothers me.


I can understand why it would bother you because it would upset me. Why on earth is your MIL feel the need to hang them on her fridge. Nothing is wrong with her keeping in touch with your MIL but she also need to realize that maybe she is causing an unpleasant situation. I don't know what this girl is up to.
Mrs. dleeny Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Posted by N.Y.bride

We both also agreed we would not contact our ex's back after a point in our relationship. This girl sends his mom letters and Christmas Cards every year with pics of her kids and my MIL hangs them on the fridge. I dont say anything, but it kinda bothers me.
that would bother me a GREAT DEAL!
Blu-ize Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

That would bother me big time. Cut that out b!tch!

hbradio Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

As far as I know he doesnt talk to any but he knows that I talk to some. However I only talk to the ones that I was friends with prior to being romantic and hes okay with that.

But I LOVE YOU is never said.....you are his WIFE forever - he need not reply to her.
slwh2005 Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

I guess it depends on how serious they were. It's hard to answer that since I have never been in the situation. I think as long as I knew I was the one he loves and didn't feel threatened by her, then it wouldn't bother me. But neither of us has any contact with any ex's. With me, they are ex's for a reason. I did try to stay friends with one who I was very serious with, but he felt that we couldn't be friends since he couldn't handle knowing about me dating anyone else.

eta: I just re-read your post, and yes I do think what she wrote is very disrespectful to you. If I were you, knowing their history, and the way she is, I would not be happy about her contacting him and I would tell him that he needs to cut all ties with her. He needs to tell her that he is happily married and to leave him alone!
nov04LIbride Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Does he know you are reading his emails, or does he not know you saw this? I don't know if this was you, but was he getting calls from her when you were engaged and you were checking his cell calls?

I would be really pissed if he responded to her AT ALL. Thankfully both DH and I don't speak to any of our ex's.
andri Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

First off Amy..

Now, about ex's.. I keep in touch with only one because our relationship was mostly a frienship that turned into something 'more' briefly but was really meant to ONLY be a frienship as per the book of life. DH thinks he's a Wuss so he doesn't feel threatened and has no problem if we talk once in a while (he lives far now,never see him) as for my Ex-Ex, my EX-Husband...can't stand him. My DH knows that I'd rather hang-out with the devil himself than talk to him! They on the other hang Hi-Bye each other

When I started with my DH, he had just broke-up (3 months prior) to his girlfriend of 8 yrs...his relationship with her (although he says he never loved-loved her) was longer than my 1st marriage! In the beginning,I would actually feel horrible for her & I know this is kinda f'ed-up but I have even cried on occcasions for her because she invested 8 yrs & LOVED him soooo much but got NADA-ZILCH. I felt for her as a women to women..sorta like when you watch a Lifetime Movie.
Anyway,she called a few times in the first year,once to wish him a Merry Christmas...once for car advice...the last time I got piss'ed about & drew the line! She wanted to know if she can have some $2 dollar plastic basket in his house...that she looked 'eeeeeeverywhere' for just that one... Oh Really? Now that was TRANSPARENT! I said no prob,she should pick it up & I'll be there to hand it to her. Needless to say,he told her where he bought it & that was that. They haven't spoken since that I know of..that was over 3 yrs ago. I'm not jealous of his EX's,he's MY husband & after all,married ME..but,like you said... some women..

Now,as for your situation, if I were you,just for that 'I Love You'.. I'd reply to her! I'd be polite yet firm. Make it short & sweet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Potential Homewrecker,

Due to the inappropriate nature of your past history with Anthony,please refrain from contacting my Husband. Rather,re-invest your time & energy into your own marriage.

Mrs. Amy So&So

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is only possible if Anthony knows you have read the mail...if that part is secret,than you have to decide if you come clean to him first. IF,by any chance he would ever give you slack about 'how could you have written her or how dare you read my mail' just reply .. 'How dare she says I Love You!'

shitt,just blame all your craziness on your preggo hormones!

I totally believe SHE is a loose canon with Anthony...better keep her as far away as possible and also,I know you said they had a rebound thing in the past,I don't blame him or anyone in his shoes. Its the married person that is betraying their family,not the single,no-ties person.
Feel Better... & sorry so long.
nov04LIbride Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

I actually remembered one time when an ex did email my now DH...

We had been dating like 2 mos, and it was his birthday. She wrote him such a mushy email, saying happy birthday and she missed him...

He wrote back telling her all about me, how wonderful I am, blah blah blah.

She wrote back and said I hope you are happy in your conventional relationship. As for crazy me, I'll be exploring the world and having the time of my life and am glad not to be tied down. Jealously much?

I would insist he tell her you are expecting. But, this assumes he knows you are reading the emails...I know DHs password, but I never ever look. I trust him implicitly and would never have a reason to look.
m&m Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

I do talk to a few ex's that I've remained friendly with over the years, usually because we were friends first and it wasn't that serious of a relationship....and I do see one of my DH's exes at some of his family functions (she is the daughter of dh's uncle's best friend). I'd say that type of thing doesn't bother me.

Now you're situation - I'd try to have her taken down, or tell him flat out that its not ok for them to talk or see each other. She has gone way overboard and is disrespecting your marriage, not to mention her own.
wood2be Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Oh, I would be livid!!!! I'm usually not like that, but this woman has crossed the line and if I were you I'd make sure I made my feelings known! I'm sorry you have to deal with it.
tray831 Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Posted by N.Y.bride

Do you really not care?
Does it bother you a little bit?
Does it bother you a lot?

Do you talk to any of your ex's?



How would you feel if that ex was his ex-fiance and she left her husband for a VERY short time and slept with your DH (before you met)(She had children and her husband still doesnt know she was ever with anyone else)

Can you tell Im going through it. I havent said a word to him. Just wanted to get some opinions. I trust Anthony, but feel SOME women are just trouble. At the end of her email she said 'I love you.' I'm just having some mixed feelings on this one. O.k. I wont lie.. I dont like it. I know how some women can be. I know he can handle himself, but I feel this woman emailing my husband and telling him I love you is kind of disrespectful to me. Anyone agree? BTW He hasnt contacted her back that I know of


Wait, so this lady who was married w/ kids, was also engaged at the same time to your DH back in the day? I'm confused.....so how many freakin engagement rings was she wearing at once?

And I wouldnt like it one bit. None of us talk to any ex'es, but I wouldnt like that. I love you at the end was uncalled for. Does your DH know you know this?

Stuff like this can get touchy when it has to do w/ an invasion of privacy........but I'd definitely bring it to his attention whether he be mad at me or not for snoopin.
prncssrachel Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

He doesn't get them. And I know this to be true because he only had two other girlfriends in his life, one contacted him right before we got married, and he told her to please not contact him anymore, and another one is good friends with another friend of ours and wouldn't dare contact him. However, if they did contact him, I would probably not even think twice about it, as I still talk to a couple of my exes and he has no problem with it.

N.Y.bride Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Posted by tray831
Wait, so this lady who was married w/ kids, was also engaged at the same time to your DH back in the day? I'm confused.....so how many freakin engagement rings was she wearing at once?


No, They were engaged when he was 18. That was 18 years ago. Then she later got married to someone else, seperated very briefly from her husband and slept with Anthony (this was like 5 years ago). Then she went back with her husband who has no idea she ever slept with anyone else. Yet, shes still trying to contact Anthony. She even sends letters to his mom (Im sure to try to get to him) She just doesnt get it. I KNOW he does not respond to her. She just doesnt stop trying to get him to talk to her.. We know how unrelenting some ex's can be.
ssdbk Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

I think you've already come to this conclusion, but it really depends on the situation. If this girl had never done anything immoral or if she didn't say, 'I Love You' then just maybe it would be okay. However, when it comes to your husband, you don't have to afford chances to someone with a crappy track record!

I'm in touch with a boyfriend from over 15 years ago, but it doesn't feel like we ever dated. It's so long ago and it was such a clean breakup and the guy has lived all over the world, while I've stayed here. DH doesn't seem to care at all that the guy e-mails sometimes just to tell me where he is.

DH doesn't keep in touch with old girlfriends but we've run into one of them. If his mom had photos and cards from the person, I'd be upset if she displayed them.




Posted by N.Y.bride

Posted by tray831
Wait, so this lady who was married w/ kids, was also engaged at the same time to your DH back in the day? I'm confused.....so how many freakin engagement rings was she wearing at once?


No, They were engaged when he was 18. That was 18 years ago. Then she later got married to someone else, seperated very briefly from her husband and slept with Anthony (this was like 5 years ago). Then she went back with her husband who has no idea she ever slept with anyone else. Yet, shes still trying to contact Anthony. She even sends letters to his mom (Im sure to try to get to him) She just doesnt get it. I KNOW he does not respond to her. She just doesnt stop trying to get him to talk to her.. We know how unrelenting some ex's can be.
Mrs. Powell Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Posted by N.Y.bride

Posted by tray831
Wait, so this lady who was married w/ kids, was also engaged at the same time to your DH back in the day? I'm confused.....so how many freakin engagement rings was she wearing at once?


No, They were engaged when he was 18. That was 18 years ago. Then she later got married to someone else, seperated very briefly from her husband and slept with Anthony (this was like 5 years ago). Then she went back with her husband who has no idea she ever slept with anyone else. Yet, shes still trying to contact Anthony. She even sends letters to his mom (Im sure to try to get to him) She just doesnt get it. I KNOW he does not respond to her. She just doesnt stop trying to get him to talk to her.. We know how unrelenting some ex's can be.



IMO, Anthony need to tell her not to contact him anymore or trying to contact him by sending letters to your MIL home. He needs to be very stern about this. Until he firmly tells her that he is very happily married and that he no longer wish to be friends with her then she will relentlessly continue to hunt him down. He needs to put a stop to her.
palebride Posted:

Re: How do you handle your DH getting emails or letters or phone calls from old flames?

Posted by nov04LIbride

I actually remembered one time when an ex did email my now DH...

We had been dating like 2 mos, and it was his birthday. She wrote him such a mushy email, saying happy birthday and she missed him...

He wrote back telling her all about me, how wonderful I am, blah blah blah.

She wrote back and said I hope you are happy in your conventional relationship. As for crazy me, I'll be exploring the world and having the time of my life and am glad not to be tied down. Jealously much?



that is sooo strange! when we were first dating, DH's ex-fiance actually contacted him and said something really similar.....and he didn't think she was looking for anything.
he really didn't like her as a person, so he had no desire to talk to her naymoer, and it pretty much went away....but i trusted that he was a good person and would avoid her.

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