How would you handle this situation?

I paid for most of our wedding expenses. (Before the wedding) In total, I paid a couple thousand more than my husband. When we deposited the gifts we received I only had about 1000.00 left over to go towards bills... (we ALMOST slpit it evenly.. I got about 1500 more than he did)

FH & I were both in a little debt when we got married, so our plan were to use whatever leftover money towards that so we can start saving. DH is in alot more debt than I am... but its only a few thousand.. not like 20,000 in debt.

I'm feeling slighted b/c if we paid off what we EACH paid for the wedding and then split what was left over, I would get at LEAST 1000 more, which would be tremendously helpful.

DH is insisting he spent more than (i think) he actually did... Thing is, we have VERY different ways of handling money. I'm very anal retentive and keep records of EVERYTHING and I use my CC more than cash but im smart about it...

We've decided to open a savings account together but keep our separate checking accounts. To make things work, we split the bills evenly (i.e: I pay the cable/phone & internet bill, he goes grocery shopping each week)
ALso, any time we go out, he pays... anytime we have to pay for something for my son, I pay.. (boys scouts, baseball, school trips etc...)
We've lived together for a while so far, it works.

But right now, I'm feeling as if I deserve a little more money from what we received to take care of my bills... I HATE discussing money with a loved one, b/c things can get ugly.

How would you handle this?

Also, how do you guys handle your finances with your DH? We both make about the same amount of money, and we both have different bills. (His car payments, I bought furniture before we moved in together, that Im almost done paying off etc etc)

I hate discussing money

I would sit down and talk with him about it. You need to be able to do that to make your married life work!

Our accounts were all joint since before we got married. It's not my money and his money, my bills and his bills -- it's all OUR money and OUR bills. ALL of our accounts (including CCs) are joint.

At the same time, though, we handle money the same way. We discuss any purchases over $100-200 with each other before purchasing. We have a budget and savings plan we stick to. For US (and I realize it doesn't work this way for everyone), we stopped bickering about money when we pooled everything and made all the decisions together.

Joint accounts may not work best for you guys (only you guys know that) --- but you need to be able to discuss it and make financial decisions together. I think you need to sit down and (calmly) discuss the situation.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

I would sit down and talk with him about it. You need to be able to do that to make your married life work!

Our accounts were all joint since before we got married. It's not my money and his money, my bills and his bills -- it's all OUR money and OUR bills. ALL of our accounts (including CCs) are joint.

At the same time, though, we handle money the same way. We discuss any purchases over $100-200 with each other before purchasing. We have a budget and savings plan we stick to. For US (and I realize it doesn't work this way for everyone), we stopped bickering about money when we pooled everything and made all the decisions together.

Joint accounts may not work best for you guys (only you guys know that) --- but you need to be able to discuss it and make financial decisions together. I think you need to sit down and (calmly) discuss the situation.

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I just called him to talk to him about it. He's reasonable and Im sure will take what I'm saying with repect. Thing is, he's not as 'organized' when it comes to bills. For example, I kept receipts and records of what I paid for (with regard to the wedding)

A Joint account would NEVER work for us b/c we both have VERY DIFFERENT spending habits and ways of using money... (he always uses cash and I prefer my CCs...) I could never handle money the way he does, and vice versa.

When we make a big purchase together we work it out evenly..

SO far, there haven't been any problems... every now & then we sit down and figure out who should pay what bill... anytime I need him to pay for something, he obliges.. so we rarely argue about it.

BUT... once we're both out of debt (which should be soon) I think we're going to revisit the idea of a joint account.

My problem is... he gave up ALOT when he moved in with us... He had to take a new job that doesn't pay as much as his old job did and I think im feeling guilty about that, so I dont speak up with regard to money.

ugh... its just uncomfortable b/c we do have very different money management 'skills'

Looking at it as an outsider, I would recommend taking all the leftover money that you have from wedding gifts and use it for your joint savings.

NOT for paying off debt of any kind. This money is for the both of you to start a new life together.....is also sort of symbolic. I suggest taking this money to the bank, starting/ depositing it into your shared account together

Pay of your debts separately, on your own. You pay off your own, and he'll pay off his.

It doesn't sound like the debt that your DH has is so bad, but let him pay it off by himself to avoid further resentment.

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Posted by Future Mrs.



Looking at it as an outsider, I would recommend taking all the leftover money that you have from wedding gifts and use it for your joint savings.

NOT for paying off debt of any kind. This money is for the both of you to start a new life together.....is also sort of symbolic. I suggest taking this money to the bank, starting/ depositing it into your shared account together

Pay of your debts separately, on your own. You pay off your own, and he'll pay off his.

It doesn't sound like the debt that your DH has is so bad, but let him pay it off by himself to avoid further resentment.

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that's a great idea.... but I know DH would rather put a dent into the debt... Though, maybe we could invest 1000 or so...

Thanks for the advice!

Caroline - read my post carefully. I said a joint account works for us b/c we have similar money handling styles. I KNOW It's not best for everyone. My point was that you have to get comfortable talking about money with him -- b/c it's going to keep coming up in one form or another for many years to come! Money has a habit of doing that.

Good luck! I'm sure you'll work something out -- maybe split the difference or something in a compromise!

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Caroline - read my post carefully. I said a joint account works for us b/c we have similar money handling styles. I KNOW It's not best for everyone. My point was that you have to get comfortable talking about money with him -- b/c it's going to keep coming up in one form or another for many years to come! Money has a habit of doing that.

Good luck! I'm sure you'll work something out -- maybe split the difference or something in a compromise!

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on NO!! I was agreeing with you... (you mentioned you know its not for everyone.. )

thanks for your advice =)))

to us, it doesn't make too much of a difference whose debt is reduced..... we're married, and we inhereted each others possessions, $$, and debt. (I brought in more of everything into the relationship.... stuff, $, and debt )

we have both seperate accts and a joint. Frankly, the joint gets little action. our wedding $$$ in the end was used as a balloon car payment.....

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Posted by carolinep24

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Caroline - read my post carefully. I said a joint account works for us b/c we have similar money handling styles. I KNOW It's not best for everyone. My point was that you have to get comfortable talking about money with him -- b/c it's going to keep coming up in one form or another for many years to come! Money has a habit of doing that.

Good luck! I'm sure you'll work something out -- maybe split the difference or something in a compromise!

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on NO!! I was agreeing with you... (you mentioned you know its not for everyone.. )

thanks for your advice =)))

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Okay, I need to test myself for reading comprehension. SORRY!

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Posted by Kara and Todd

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Posted by carolinep24

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Posted by Kara and Todd

Caroline - read my post carefully. I said a joint account works for us b/c we have similar money handling styles. I KNOW It's not best for everyone. My point was that you have to get comfortable talking about money with him -- b/c it's going to keep coming up in one form or another for many years to come! Money has a habit of doing that.

Good luck! I'm sure you'll work something out -- maybe split the difference or something in a compromise!

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on NO!! I was agreeing with you... (you mentioned you know its not for everyone.. )

thanks for your advice =)))

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Okay, I need to test myself for reading comprehension. SORRY!

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don't apologize silly!

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Posted by portjeffbride

to us, it doesn't make too much of a difference whose debt is reduced..... we're married, and we inhereted each others possessions, $$, and debt. (I brought in more of everything into the relationship.... stuff, $, and debt )

we have both seperate accts and a joint. Frankly, the joint gets little action. our wedding $$$ in the end was used as a balloon car payment.....

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Im glad to know im not the only one who has separate accounts with her DH...

And the reason why its not THAT big of a deal should I get the little *extra* of the money b/c I DO want him out of debt as much as he does... Mainly b/c of the car he needed to buy last year... hopefully we can get rid of my car pretty soon... we dont need more than one. not to mention 2 INSURANCE BILLS!!! (can't wait to combine that)

You should merge your car insurance policies right away. It doesn't matter if the cars are registered to different names. Your bill will go down for having 2 cars on a single policy AND for being married.

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Posted by Kara and Todd

You should merge your car insurance policies right away. It doesn't matter if the cars are registered to different names. Your bill will go down for having 2 cars on a single policy AND for being married.

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but what if we have DIFFERENT companies?

We were both waiting until our policies ran out before deciding which one to drop and which one to keep.

PLUS-- DH never changed his residence to our apt. (He lived in Jersey before moving in with us so his rate is much lower... His father owned the home he lived in but is selling it this year)

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Posted by carolinep24

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Posted by Kara and Todd

You should merge your car insurance policies right away. It doesn't matter if the cars are registered to different names. Your bill will go down for having 2 cars on a single policy AND for being married.

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but what if we have DIFFERENT companies?

We were both waiting until our policies ran out before deciding which one to drop and which one to keep.

PLUS-- DH never changed his residence to our apt. (He lived in Jersey before moving in with us so his rate is much lower... His father owned the home he lived in but is selling it this year)

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As soon as one is up, change it to one company. Get quotes from each of your companies to find out what the rate would be for adding the second car -- go with the cheaper one. You just add him onto your policy (or vice versa) and then the car can be added. Then you are both insured for both cars. Obviously wait until the policies run out if that makes the most sense.

I would also convince your DH to change his address soon... getting caught with the wrong address on your insurance so your costs are lower can get you in trouble... I know from (someone close to me's) experience...

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Posted by Kara and Todd

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Posted by carolinep24

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Posted by Kara and Todd

You should merge your car insurance policies right away. It doesn't matter if the cars are registered to different names. Your bill will go down for having 2 cars on a single policy AND for being married.

---

but what if we have DIFFERENT companies?

We were both waiting until our policies ran out before deciding which one to drop and which one to keep.

PLUS-- DH never changed his residence to our apt. (He lived in Jersey before moving in with us so his rate is much lower... His father owned the home he lived in but is selling it this year)

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As soon as one is up, change it to one company. Get quotes from each of your companies to find out what the rate would be for adding the second car -- go with the cheaper one. You just add him onto your policy (or vice versa) and then the car can be added. Then you are both insured for both cars. Obviously wait until the policies run out if that makes the most sense.

I would also convince your DH to change his address soon... getting caught with the wrong address on your insurance so your costs are lower can get you in trouble... I know from (someone close to me's) experience...

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THANKS KARA!!!

He's getting his NYS drivers license on Thursday

Your situation is the pretty much the same scenario that I am/was in with my DH.

I paid for a lot more of the wedding (though he swears not), we split the bills, he has MUCH more debt than me and he makes more than me, but my paycheck is steady and reliable whereas he goes through dry spells.

I had and am still having to some degree, some difficulties in fully merging the finances. I feel that i am much more responsible with money and can make a dollar stretch much further than him.

After talking with some of my friends who have been married for a few years, I learned that this financial confusion is not atypical of newlyweds and even though it seems like a lot of the ladies on this board have it together, there is actually a lot of trepidation in merging money when you really do know that it may work out best to keep some of that stuff separate.

Anyway, I haven't quite worked it out yet, but it seems to me that you know what is best for you and DH. I just wanted to let you know that I hear you and I feel what you are saying.

As far as splitting the wedding money, well DH and I had visions of saving or purchasing something really special, but it seemed silly to have it sitting in a bank at teeny-tiny interest while his CCs are charging 20%, so I caved for the good of our financial future and we paid off a hunk of his debt.

I know what you mean about feeling jipped.

Sigh. Money. Eek.

I wholeheartedly agree with the advice about talking to your dh about any and all financial concerns/problems you have. Without communication there will be resentment and misunderstanding, whereas if you talk it over you can come to an agreement and get it off your chest. Its no good holding things inside!! This is the man you will be spending forever with, don't spend that forever holding something inside that can one day explode!!

that being said, dh and i maintain separate checking accounts and have a joint savings. he has some small debt and I have almost no debt, so we put the wedding $$ into the joint savings (ING). As far as wedding expenses, I know I spent more than him but I never gave it a thought because I was the one who wanted the big wedding so thats that.

As far as spending, dh gives me a check every month for half of OUR expenses (we split everything, CC bills, rent, phone etc down the middle).

DH and I have almost always had a joint account-in MO i feel like having seperate accounts as 'fun money' is ok.
Our bills are paid out of one account, its our money not mine or his. Me personally I feel like when you get married you inheret the others 'things' regardless so why do everything seperate. I did 1/2 the bills with a room mate, not my husband.

That is just me-I really just cant see doing it any other way

Our wedding money is away and will be our down payment on a house...regardless of who put more $ into the wedding. Our debt, we both have a little is both of ours debts now and we will pay that with other money.

Caroline, thank you for posting this!! I've been having issues too. Everyone has given you great advice so far....

Our wedding gifts went into our joint savings account to save for a down payment on a house. We still have separate checking accounts and I STILL pay him like a roommate would (we've lived together for a year)...he pays the rent, I give him half. Frankly, it irritates me. We've talked about it nonstop, and he thinks since it's worked so far, why change it? He doesn't see the point of merging into one joint checking account. But I guess in my mind, this isn't the finances of a marriage. Should that really matter? He also has this attitude since he's the accountant, he knows how to handle the money.

We've been really talking finances lately especially since we're on the house hunt. DH makes a good amount more than me and I have more debt (doesn't it figure - but I went to a seriously expensive college that I'll pay off forever). So there's no way once we get a house we can continue to 50/50 and he acknowledges that.

Are there any more perspectives out there you can give me to get him to see that a joint account for all the big bills is the way to go? I can't seem to come up with a good enough reason besides it being convenient (I don't have to keep writing HIM checks) and the arrangement is more 'marriage' like.

Or is there anyone out there that sees nothing wrong with this arrangement? I'd love to hear the arguments! Thanks!