Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

alina Posted: Jun 11, 2003 02:34 PM

Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

One of my bridemaids is on assignment in Baghdad, Iraq!!! When she first got transfered there, she mentioned that she might not be in my wedding... But she'll try really hard to be!!!

OK, so fine.

Then she tells me she is coming, and can make it and asks me to reserve a hotel room for her and her boyfriend (Fine, I did that).

Now she is emailing me, saying that she has to pay for her flight from Kuwait to DC upfront and then will get reimbursed. But the problem is that she doesn't have a credit card there with her.

From her email it sounded as if she wanted me to either book her flight or give her my cc# so that she could pay me back later. But in all honesty, I feel VERY uncomfortable doing this... I don't even know how to reply to her email!!! She didn't ask in a direct way, but very strongly HINTED at this.

Suggestions? I mean, I don't want to cause a huge hardship and inconvenience for her, and I thought that she would come here on a military plane. But obviously, that's not the case. And while I would looove to have her be my BM on the wedding day, I also don't want either one of us to be out whatever that flight may cost, in case if Gov't decides not to reimburse her...

HELP!!!

christine1221 Posted: Jun 11, 2003 02:40 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

Aw, Alina ... what a terrible place to be caught in the middle. She's your friend, you want her there, but this is hard. I know I'd be uncomfortable (not to mention not financially able!) to pay for a friend's flight that may or may not be reimbursed. Or what if they (the gov't) decide at the last minute that they won't let her go for some reason? You'd be out a lot of money.

I'd try to explain that while you'd love nothing better than to be able to help her, you can't b/c of wedding finances & all & maybe her family can help her out!

Good luck!

LisaT Posted: Jun 11, 2003 02:46 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

I'm not sure exactly what you're asking: if you should put the flight on your card or if you should tell her not to bother coming since its difficult?

why are you so uncomfortable? I would trust someone who I picked as a BM to pay me back (regardless of whether or not she gets reimbursed).

But it seems like there are plenty other people who could provide a cc# for her, if you don't want to: her boyfriend, parents, etc... Its very strange that she doesn't have a credit card there with her. Don't we all have our cc numbers memorized? (or is that just me! )

If she's willing to make the trip, don't stress about the hardship it is for her. She obviously wants to be there for you.

alina Posted: Jun 11, 2003 03:01 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

Lisa, I guess I don't quite trust her enough to fork over whatever the flight ticket is (probably a few thousand) and even less so with giving my CC#.

My parents and later experince have taught me not to lend people $ unless you can afford to lose it. So to some degree that's what's happening.

If absolutely pressed, I wouldn't have minded paying for the dress, and/or the hotel rooms. Or a smaller airfare, but a few grand is just not something I feel comfortable doing...

I just don't really know how to reply to her without hurting her feelings!!!

LisaT Posted: Jun 11, 2003 03:08 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

a few thousand is tough to lose! I can understand why you wouldn't want that risk.

Tell her you wish you could help her but with all the wedding expenses your credit cards are maxed out. And ask if there's someone else who can provide the cc.

I still think its sad that you can't trust your friend with a cc# though. Do you think she would steal from you?

Sonicstef Posted: Jun 11, 2003 03:15 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

I think you should respond as if you do not 'get the hint' that she wants you to send your cc#. Just tell her that you understand how difficult this all must be and if she is unable to attend, pls let you know right away so you can cancel her room. Be nice about it but dont even mention the lending thing since she has not directly asked you. If you responds with a direct question, then deal with it..otherwise, I would just try to be a good friend to listen to her troubles but also ask for some advance notice if she bails.

alina Posted: Jun 11, 2003 03:16 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

Lisa, I don't think she'll steal from me, but I am not sure if she would have the cash to repay me if the gov't doesn't cover...

I explained in my FM to you.

alina Posted: Jun 11, 2003 03:21 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

roundtrip via orbitz on BA is $1,500, and the next one up on Lufthansa is $3,200!!!

rlivings Posted: Jun 11, 2003 04:26 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

I'm with sonicstef.
Play dumb!!

Shamee Posted: Jun 11, 2003 04:35 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

Alina:

It's not up to you to fork up the money for her to get here. I would try to suggest to her if she's having problems keeping her commitment to be in the wedding that she step down if necessary. But don't EVER give out the golden key to your finances to anyone. You don't even know for sure if that is what she wants the money for. I've never heard of the government making you pay upfront to get home. Sounds suspicious to me.

michele31 Posted: Jun 11, 2003 04:39 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

I am with Stef. Why would the miltary (aka our tax dollars) pay for someone to fly back home for a wedding? I wouldn't think they would, unless they requested her to go to another base or something like that.
But if you want you could tell her 'since this trip is costing you so much money FH and I would like to pay for your hotel room as a way of thanking you for all the help'
Also- why did you ask her to be a BM if you don't really trust her?

alina Posted: Jun 11, 2003 04:46 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

Michele, I trust her, but at the same time not sure that she would actually have the $ to pay me back should the gov't not cover it. And why the gov't is paying for it, I don't know, but I could see it being a 'business trip'. We have that at our work too.
For example, if we have to go on a business trip on a Thursday to LA, and then have vacation for next few days, then we can stay in LAand schedule a flight for when vacation is over, not business trip.

Perhaps she was able to work out something similar, b/c a coworker of mine always tried to do that when she visits her family on the W. Coast.

Cindy Posted: Jun 11, 2003 05:39 PM

Re: Huge Bridemaid Dilemna!!!

My friend got married a few weeks back and had one of her bridesmaids from Fla do this to her. First she wanted her to pay for the hotel room for the wedding night and then she wanted her to pay for the flight to NY which was a high fare being it was a week prior to the wedding. I told my friend that she should nicely say to her that if she cant make the wedding due to financial and location issues, it would be fine, but she needs to know now. In the end, her friend ended up driving up to the wedding from Fla with someone else that was driving from Fla that was attending the wedding. My point is, she ended up finding a way of coming on her own without the brides help. I would be really nervous putting the money out.