HUMP DAY HA-HA'S 1*5*11
Mmmm…warfare never looked so delicious. I think it’s interesting that rather than two guns, or cute cake toppers holding guns, the couple opted to just place a single gold machine gun on top. Perhaps it’s to signify their unity in a “Don’t f*** with us, we are ONE now, *******!” kind of way. Like they’re a team willing to mow down any fool who gets in their way in the journey of life? Aww. That’s so sweet.
just for becki:
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Just because you flicked the handle, doesn't mean the door opened. #LFMF
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When you're working out, just remember that if you take a drink from your water bottle, a little bit of water spilled carelessly down your t-shirt looks rugged and sexy. A lot of water spilled on the front of your shorts looks like you wet your pants. #LFMF
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If your friend says, 'Don't touch that — it's poison sumac' while on a walk in a park, the proper response is NOT to go 'Oh, no it isn't. Poison sumac doesn't look like this!', take a frond, and shove it down your pants to prove your point. You'll be horribly, horribly wrong. #LFMF
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When using a public toilet always make sure that it is not clogged instead of assuming that it's fine. #LFMF
^wish someone would have told me that before my wedding day!
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When you want to go to a dance and you decide to wear your white t-shirt that you have recently gotten from Goodwill, make sure you wash it really good first. The blacklight will show alot of mystery stains. And no-one will dance with you. #LFMF
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When running away from a wasp when in a parking lot, turn and run. Don't run backwards. There are curbs. Painful, ***-breaking curbs. #LFMF
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They wanted her to have a sense of how it was going to feel once the new baby arrived.
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(214):
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
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(970):
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
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(512):
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
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(530):
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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(404):
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. ****.
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(502):
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
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Today, my boss walked in and said something I didn't quite hear, but my co-worker chuckled so to be polite, I laughed with him. They gave me some weird looks. My boss was actually talking about his wife's tumor and my co-worker was coughing. FML
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Today, I have to choose to go to either my dad's wedding or my mother's wedding. They are on the same day. FML
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Today, it was opening night for the play where I was, for the first time ever, one of the leads. I went on stage with a loud and energetic entrance. I came in two scenes early. FML
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Today, I was out running. All of a sudden I saw a dog come towards me, I thought it was going to attack me and I screamed like a girl in front of everyone. It was a puppy wanting to play. FML
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Today, I hit a parked car which was sticking out in the road and practically unavoidable. I left a note on the windshield saying, 'You deserved to get hit - you park like an *******.' Later I realized that the paper I tore to write on was the back of my bank statement, name and address included. FML
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Today, my boyfriend decided to re-enact a scene from Family Guy. He locked me in the car with him and farted deadly ones repeatedly. He wouldn't let me out until I learned to 'love the gas.' FML
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bleh. thats all for now.
