Husbands and your money??? kinda long

Okay so I have always had and made my own money. I have never had to explain what I am buying. Now married a month and a half and all of 'our' money has to be accounted for. Okay fine now we wanna buy a house so we have to save and save and save and hope that one day before our 20 month old daughter turns five we can have a house. More background I have no boobs lol since I was 16 I have wanted them. I am not an insecure girl and do not want a ridiculous size boob.I really am happy with my body I just would really love it. I have gone for a consultaion and the doc and I have agreed on a very appropriate size and a price. Well my DH is completely completely against it. No we do not own a home but right now I am at a point where I make good money and I am able to buy my boobs and save for a house.
Long story short my husband says absolutely not never ever ever. W T F I am at a loss and dont know what to do everyone says he is your husband but what does this mean I can not buy myself something i feel that now while we do not have a mortgage it is the best time to get them. Need help is your husbands NO the final answer what do I do??/

no he says its about the money but then tells me what will other people think and that as long as we are married I can not get boobs kinda unfair

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Posted by Bellez95

no he says its about the money but then tells me what will other people think and that as long as we are married I can not get boobs kinda unfair

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Maybe he is having his own issues ,and is scared you might change after you get them done? Im not sure ! I wish you all the best !!

if it's about first saving for a house and then doing it, then i would agree with him. but, if I understand correctly, he's saying that you shouldnt get them bcuz now you're married and it wouldn't 'look good'. in that case, i think you have to explain y it's very important to you and how you've always planned on doing it and being married shouldnt change that.
as far as it being your $, u should be allowed to spend it the way u want, BUT unfortunately, once you're married, it's usually considered 'our' money and both people should have an equal say on how it should be spent if it is a big purchase. i think u just really need to speak to him about how important it is for u.

Hm.. that's a tough one.. But I'd say that you should seriously consider doing what you want ( i.e. getting a boob job). You have only been married for 2 months or so, and he already starts tellling/instructing you what to do? I understand that now you have 'your family' money, but different people have different priorities ( such as buying a house for him and getting a boob job for you). I think that since you are making money, you are allowed to be able to use at least portion of that money towards your personal girly needs. In either case, he can only say NO to you if you are ASKING him to give his permission/approval. Maybe you should talk to him and explain that this has been your dream since you were 16, etc?? Good luck

I could understand your husbands request and beliefs about this issue, he is telling you not to do it most likely b/c he sees plastic surgery as a huge deal and it might be scary for him to think about you going under the knife and something bad happening to your body, either immediately after surgery or within a couple of years of the surgery. I also am small chested and DH and i have had this convo a few times, and he is 100% against me getting this surgery b/c he loves my body the way it is and b/c of that i have actually learned to love and embrace that about myself. We get to wear cute tops with no bra! So its not all bad :)

But you also bring up the house issue in your discussion about this...all i can say towards that is you both have to set priorities for yourselevs and for your family, and do whats best for everyone at the moment.

I believe in making financial decisions together. It's ok for one of you to say 'no' to the other, but you must have a good reason to do so. If he's worried about the money - talk it over and see if you can have some sort of payment plan with the doctor.
If he doesn't like enhanced breasts on you - then that's a totally different issue you have to talk about.

Good Luck!

As a pp stated, I think it has very little to do with the money and very much to do with the fact that he does not want you to have the surgery.

As for money in our household, we have it split three ways. We each have our own accounts and then we have a joint account. I saw this on some morning show once and thought it was a great idea especially because DH and I have (at times) different spending habits. Each of us put X% of our paychecks into our joint account and then keep a little bit for ourselves so we can spend it on what we want/need. This allows me to buy a new sweater without asking.

Important to note: The joint account covers more than our monthly expenses, so it is not solely for paying bills but also for saving.

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Posted by Summer07Bride

As for money in our household, we have it split three ways. We each have our own accounts and then we have a joint account. I saw this on some morning show once and thought it was a great idea especially because DH and I have (at times) different spending habits. Each of us put X% of our paychecks into our joint account and then keep a little bit for ourselves so we can spend it on what we want/need. This allows me to buy a new sweater without asking.

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This is what we do as well.

We talk about all the money that we spend-no matter what it is on.

I want boobs too DH is fine with it-but he wasnt and probably wont be when I decide i am going to actually do it.
I really cant say much about the situation tho sorry

aaah finances...the number one problem starter in marraiges. bottom line, u need to TALK about all of this and NOT FIGHT(no matter how hard that might be lol)...discuss WHY u want boobs and how u're going to budget for them. maybe AFTER ur all saved for the house, u can take a little bit of money from each paycheck & set it aside for them...(heck - they even finance them these days!) i'm not for plastic surgery, infact i'm a proud member of the ibtc(ittybittytittycomittee lol)..i used to want them for the longest time, but over the years i've finally become confident & comfy in my own skin..i figure i was made exactly the way i was supposed to be...
BUT - i'm just trying to help u meet somewhere in the middle...thats what marraige is all about. Him saying 'NO' and u saying 'YES'?? either way is a no go...because only one of u is making the decision. talk it over, discuss the options, and COMPROMISE...u need to meet in the middle somewhere. maybe after he hears ur explanation, or u hear his instead of just yes' & no's - there will be more understanding on the issue from both sides... hope this helps??

Well, maybe he is saying it because he loves you the way you are?

But as per money, maybe he wants to save for the future. What we do is split the bills up. If I really want something, I save for it. We have a deal that if it is within reason, we don't question it, but big purchases, either we discuss or save separately.

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Posted by Bellez95

no he says its about the money but then tells me what will other people think and that as long as we are married I can not get boobs kinda unfair

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Ok this scares me.....If you want to spend YOUR money on boobs for YOURSELF then NOBODY should make you feel guilty. Having said that if you can save for a house and a boob job do that. I do not buy into the my money is our money. I work hard for my money and if after all the bills are paid I want to go buy clothes or get a massage or whatever I will. We have 2 accounts....Household and savings. We decided on bills and how much we each contribute to pay them and have a small cushion. Joe makes more so he pays more. It work for us, and we but 10% of our checks into a savings account for vacations and what not. The rest is ours tosave or spend. My concern would not be the saving for a house or boobs, but his desire to make you feel like crap about it. This is a red flag IMHO

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Posted by jtgarsik

aaah finances...the number one problem starter in marraiges. bottom line, u need to TALK about all of this and NOT FIGHT(no matter how hard that might be lol)...discuss WHY u want boobs and how u're going to budget for them. maybe AFTER ur all saved for the house, u can take a little bit of money from each paycheck & set it aside for them...(heck - they even finance them these days!) i'm not for plastic surgery, infact i'm a proud member of the ibtc(ittybittytittycomittee lol)..i used to want them for the longest time, but over the years i've finally become confident & comfy in my own skin..i figure i was made exactly the way i was supposed to be...
BUT - i'm just trying to help u meet somewhere in the middle...thats what marraige is all about. Him saying 'NO' and u saying 'YES'?? either way is a no go...because only one of u is making the decision. talk it over, discuss the options, and COMPROMISE...u need to meet in the middle somewhere. maybe after he hears ur explanation, or u hear his instead of just yes' & no's - there will be more understanding on the issue from both sides... hope this helps??

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Its so funny because from looking at your wedding pics, it SO doesnt look like youre a member of the IBTC! Same with my pics! I think weve mastered the art of stuffing