I feel like such a failure..

I know I am going to regret posting this but I feel so alone right now and seriously have noone to talk to and noone who i think will understand. (I am also kind of embarrassed by all of this). I have been married only 45 days and I already feel completely exhausted. DH and I aren't fighting, but we aren't really getting along either and I don't know why. I try talking to him but I get nowhere. The entire time we dated and were engaged we were a great couple, everything was so wonderful and easy. All of a sudden we get married and everything falls apart. This past weekend my mom, sister and cousin were talking about how in love DH and I are and how lucky we are.. they have no idea how miserable i have felt lately. I feel like I am letting them down as well as myself and DH. I dont really know what to do. Or even really what is wrong with us. I can't talk to my mom about this because she is not the type to listen and provide advice, I feel like she will just judge the situation and get me more upset.

DH and I just havent had fun together or laughed together or really said anything nice for the past few weeks. He has been working long hours and I have been sick, but it is still not us. I tried talking to him about all of this last night but he fell asleep in the middle of the conversation and it just got me so angry. He called me a few minutes ago with an attitude and I ended up hanging up on him bc I am at work and can not handle it at the moment. This is not like us at all. We never fought I love him so much but right now im happier when hes not home and Im not sure what to do. I really wanted to surprise him and do something nice for him so yesterday I booked a mini vacation I knew he wanted to go on and he wasnt even that excited. I felt so let down.

I am 99% sure i am the only one feeling like this right now, I know it should be a fun and exciting time for us and its just the complete opposite. I can't explain why we are like this and i feel like I am failing at just about everything at the moment

Thanks for listening.

Do you think it's possible that you and/or DH are having post-wedding blues now that the excitement of the wedding and honeymoon are over? That, added on to the long hours and feeling sick, could easily explain being in a funk.

Also, did you live together before the wedding? DH and I did not, and I found that getting into a new routine, living in a new place for the first time, etc., was a really big adjustment.

I'm sorry DH was not as excited as you had hoped about the mini-vacation. Mine can be the same way when I try to surprise him with stuff. I think he just doesn't know how to react to a surprise, and then feels guilty that I've spent money on him or whatever and he doesn't have a comparable gift to reciprocate with.

What are some of the things you used to do when you were dating for fun? Maybe try to schedule date nights once every week or two so you can enjoy each other's company the way you used to.

Hey Love. I am so glad you posted. You are not alone love. DH and I had a few rough weeks even months after our wedding where we faught a lot and were at each other's throats. I felt so confused because everyone says how amazing the Newlywed phase is and we just didn't have it. We bickered, didn't have hardly any intimacy and were just so unhappy. it wasn't until recently that we have been better and back to normal. But it was certainly scary at first.

I think there are so many expectations that come with marriage that if you don't have the 'typical' marriage or newlywed experience you feel like a failure. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE neither is DH. You are just not on the same page right now and that is ok. I also think that all of the rushing arond and planning takes a toll on you and it probably catches up with you after the wedding. AND I know people might crucify me for saying this, but there is the whole element of post wedding depression for some that kinda sets in. The whole 'Now what do we look forward to' thing. I dont know if this makes sense to you or anyone else for that matter, but I want you to know that you are not alone on this. I am so glad you said something..it will get better. FM if you need me!

nobody ever said marriage was easy!
i think a lot of it is you having this idea in your head that you guys are suppose to be soo gagga over each other and always say sweet things etc...

its ok if your not! you guys love each other and wil work thru whatever is putting you in this funk! just try not to stress things too much, let them fix!

on your mini vacation just concentrate on you two! dont worry about anything else! you will see thinks will get better!!

hugs for you!!!!!!
he loves you too!

aww im sorry your feeling this way but dont worry your not alone! Me and DH have been married 5 months and although everything is great now I know how you feel. We were only married a month and the same thing happened to us. It was weird, I couldnt explain it and didnt have anyone to talk to either. I didnt know why we were fighting and I felt like we just couldnt connect and i was like how can this be happening after only a month and we were so happy!! All I can say is it did get better, it was a rough patch for whatever reason cause there wasnt even a specific thing that triggered it but hang in there I know this will pass and it will get back to normal.

Thanks ladies.. all of this really did make me feel better. it is just an unexplainable funk that I am really hoping passes asap. I am so bummed out about it and thats not like me at all.

DH and I did live together so we got that out of the way before the wedding. That was a huge adjustment too but at least we fought about stuff back then, now instead of fighting we are just silient. its more like the cold war.. I too feel like we are just not connecting like we used to


and yes lauren i do think some of it could be from post wedding depression! I wont crucify you for that one cause i agree!!

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Hey Love. I am so glad you posted. You are not alone love. DH and I had a few rough weeks even months after our wedding where we faught a lot and were at each other's throats. I felt so confused because everyone says how amazing the Newlywed phase is and we just didn't have it. We bickered, didn't have hardly any intimacy and were just so unhappy. it wasn't until recently that we have been better and back to normal. But it was certainly scary at first.

I think there are so many expectations that come with marriage that if you don't have the 'typical' marriage or newlywed experience you feel like a failure. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE neither is DH. You are just not on the same page right now and that is ok. I also think that all of the rushing arond and planning takes a toll on you and it probably catches up with you after the wedding. AND I know people might crucify me for saying this, but there is the whole element of post wedding depression for some that kinda sets in. The whole 'Now what do we look forward to' thing. I dont know if this makes sense to you or anyone else for that matter, but I want you to know that you are not alone on this. I am so glad you said something..it will get better. FM if you need me!

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ITA!!! I couldnt have said it better!

We are the same... its not bad but its not as great as I thought it would be... No bliss or anything.
We had the most amazing time on our HM and I feel like it brought us closer but after we got home things changed. I think it has to do with us having different activities... and not making couple time. We watch TV together but thats about it right now lol. I think we need to just go out and do something.

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Hey Love. I am so glad you posted. You are not alone love. DH and I had a few rough weeks even months after our wedding where we faught a lot and were at each other's throats. I felt so confused because everyone says how amazing the Newlywed phase is and we just didn't have it. We bickered, didn't have hardly any intimacy and were just so unhappy. it wasn't until recently that we have been better and back to normal. But it was certainly scary at first.

I think there are so many expectations that come with marriage that if you don't have the 'typical' marriage or newlywed experience you feel like a failure. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE neither is DH. You are just not on the same page right now and that is ok. I also think that all of the rushing arond and planning takes a toll on you and it probably catches up with you after the wedding. AND I know people might crucify me for saying this, but there is the whole element of post wedding depression for some that kinda sets in. The whole 'Now what do we look forward to' thing. I dont know if this makes sense to you or anyone else for that matter, but I want you to know that you are not alone on this. I am so glad you said something..it will get better. FM if you need me!

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ITA!!! I couldnt have said it better!

We are the same... its not bad but its not as great as I thought it would be... No bliss or anything.
We had the most amazing time on our HM and I feel like it brought us closer but after we got home things changed. I think it has to do with us having different activities... and not making couple time. We watch TV together but thats about it right now lol. I think we need to just go out and do something.

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Hey Love. I am so glad you posted. You are not alone love. DH and I had a few rough weeks even months after our wedding where we faught a lot and were at each other's throats. I felt so confused because everyone says how amazing the Newlywed phase is and we just didn't have it. We bickered, didn't have hardly any intimacy and were just so unhappy. it wasn't until recently that we have been better and back to normal. But it was certainly scary at first.

I think there are so many expectations that come with marriage that if you don't have the 'typical' marriage or newlywed experience you feel like a failure. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE neither is DH. You are just not on the same page right now and that is ok. I also think that all of the rushing arond and planning takes a toll on you and it probably catches up with you after the wedding. AND I know people might crucify me for saying this, but there is the whole element of post wedding depression for some that kinda sets in. The whole 'Now what do we look forward to' thing. I dont know if this makes sense to you or anyone else for that matter, but I want you to know that you are not alone on this. I am so glad you said something..it will get better. FM if you need me!

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ITA!!! I couldnt have said it better!

We are the same... its not bad but its not as great as I thought it would be... No bliss or anything.
We had the most amazing time on our HM and I feel like it brought us closer but after we got home things changed. I think it has to do with us having different activities... and not making couple time. We watch TV together but thats about it right now lol. I think we need to just go out and do something.

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I totally understand B...thats how it was for us. We had this UNREAL honeymoon where things were simply incredible and we got home and from then on it was different. Real life set in. We had responsibilities, frustrations and pressures. So of course that will change things and for me, that coupled with feeling like everyone else was on cloud 9 made me so scared that something was wrong. To be honest, for us our onlu couple time is watching TV or hanging out and that is ok for now. BUT I do find that when we schedule in time to go out and do things or to be just us it does help.
I also think that this means we have healthy normal relationships...i feel like every relationship needs a balance and it can't always be perfect. It's just important to realize that these ups and downs will happen and that they will get better!

def have to second everyone that says you are not a failure. . I def felt a little post wedding let down. . like first it was all delirious then things just weren't feeling great. . and we had a lot of the same things - I was really sick, DH was working crazy hours at school and at part time jobs and then money stresses etc. . I think it's just that people set this time as a newlywed to be so deliriously happy that nothing can measure up and then the more you stress the worse it gets. .

I have total faith that you and DH are going to be fine (and I know of course I don't really know you) but all that love is still there and things just go in phases. .. and I think the mini-vacation is such a fabulous idea and hope when you get on it things are great. . and don't stress and expect it to be a miracle cure and just enjoy it for what it is. .
I know when DH and I were stressed and never seeing each other we had two days away and it really helped to enjoy each other when neither one of us could do ANY work. .

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

Hey Love. I am so glad you posted. You are not alone love. DH and I had a few rough weeks even months after our wedding where we faught a lot and were at each other's throats. I felt so confused because everyone says how amazing the Newlywed phase is and we just didn't have it. We bickered, didn't have hardly any intimacy and were just so unhappy. it wasn't until recently that we have been better and back to normal. But it was certainly scary at first.

I think there are so many expectations that come with marriage that if you don't have the 'typical' marriage or newlywed experience you feel like a failure. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE neither is DH. You are just not on the same page right now and that is ok. I also think that all of the rushing arond and planning takes a toll on you and it probably catches up with you after the wedding. AND I know people might crucify me for saying this, but there is the whole element of post wedding depression for some that kinda sets in. The whole 'Now what do we look forward to' thing. I dont know if this makes sense to you or anyone else for that matter, but I want you to know that you are not alone on this. I am so glad you said something..it will get better. FM if you need me!

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I totally agree with Lauren, and you aren't alone. DH and I have been going through something similar (well at least I am). I keep feeling like he isn't himself and have been getting upset about it. When we discussed it, he attributed it to not having anything (ie the wedding) to look forward to .
I just keep trying to plan fun things for us to help bring the spark back in (like we went to see one of his fav comedians last weekend). Hang in there it will get better.

you are not alone. i didn't think that life would different after we are married...i thought 'it can't be that different, we are doing the same exact thing'...well i was wrong. its so different, and i can't explain why.

we have been fighting as well and its over the STUPIDEST things you would probally ever have heard of. ugh!

just dont give up and dont stop communicating and being there for eachother.

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I can sort of relate, but me & DH have completely different issues since we have a baby in the mix...it's hard adjusting to married life, and a baby doesn't help things lol.

All I can say is, it will get better over time, as you two adjust. Just don't hold things in, because that makes it much worse. Let him know how you feel, talk things over, and make sure you take sometime to keep things fresh & interesting. Your upcoming mini-vacay would be a good time to do some reconnecting.

First of all, I am so sorry you are feeling this way! I know how stressful that can be, especially since all you hear about is how happy newlyweds are supposed to be.

Secondly, I just want to tell you DH and I went through the exact same thing! Only we fought... A LOT! The first three months were absolutely horrible, to the point where at times I regretted even getting married! We had lived together for 2 years up to our wedding so it's not even like it was a huge adjustment for us. To t his day I don't know what happened but we are SO much better now! I promise you, it wont be like this forever! Just give it some time and I am sure you guys will go back to normal! Try to do a night out, or even a romantic candlelit dinner in. Maybe that will help you guys get more in the 'newlywed spirit'!

I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this rough time, but as you can see just by reading these posts you are not alone! I know it's hard to talk about the bad things in your relationship because when everyone thinks you two are 'perfect' you can see that things don't always feel that way, but you should never feel ashamed or embarrassed. You can always talk to us!!

Everyone goes through a rough period (and in reality multiple ones) in their relationship, and especially right after big things there's always some adjustments that need to happen. I can't say DH and I went through that, but we went through enough bad things BEFORE the wedding that I think we were just both really happy that everything was over and done with and we could get back to normal. maybe many months after the wedding i think we went through a funk, but it could have also been because i've been stressed out about applying to graduate school again and DH's job was stressful at the time.

I think you should still try to talk to your DH, but when you do just try to come from a place of care and concern and not an accusatory one. I wouldn't be surprised if he's feeling similarly to you, so rather than say 'what's going on with us? why are we like this?' say something like 'I've been feeling really down lately, how about you?' it'll be a good conversation starter to explore how you're feeling and how he's feeling and then take the direction towards talking about your relationship and see if there's anything that you two need to change (like date night or whatever) or just letting it pass.

good luck and if you ever want to talk you can FM me!

Girl, I know what you are going through.

When DH and I first got married, we moved in together. While it was a smooth transition and all, it took a lot of getting used to. There were things that irked me that never irked me in the past. Same with him- some things bothered him and we were fighting. A lot! So, I have to say, the first three months were the HARDEST. Now, I can honestly say we are pretty much used to one another and now really enjoying newlywed life.

I totally understand that long hours and being sick and all that stuff. It totally adds a funk to everything. The best thing I can suggest for you guys is a day every week to do something. While me and my DH do a lot of things together, we do devote a day to just have fun. We play Scene It on xBox or go to a fun place. Just the two of us so we can enjoy eachother.

Another thing that totally helps... I read something in a magazine once. It said the best thing for a marriage is to learn how to live with eachother. I mean, yea there is love and all. But honestly, it doesn't conquer all. The best thing is to learn how to live with one another. DH and I would sit down and talk. I would say how are you liking married life. He would tell me he likes it and loves me and blah blah blah but then say this annoys me. I would do the same. It's a great way to learn about how to live with one another without getting upset. Putting things on the table is the best way to go.

Don't be ashamed to post anything. Like I said earlier. We can all relate on some level. I'll come forward and honestly say that I didn't post on here that much because we were having rough patches as well. But once you get through it, it's all worth it. I promise.

ETA: Another thing- the best thing you can do when you are feeling down is to focus on the fact that you guys DID get married. Focus on WHY you married him. Think of all the good things about him and he should do the same. It toally helps!

I'm really glad you posted this! You are definitely not alone. I think with newlywedness comes total 100% grownupness. When we got home all we talked about was money and houses and babies. sometimes it makes you feel more like business partners than friends.

for me, the best thing i did was give myself one day a week where i wouldnt let myself talk about anything marriage-business related, no work, no money, no talking about who paid the oil bill lol... and i think it took the pressure off DH and I for at least some of the time. it helped us get the fun back.

i hope you are feeling better, i promise you are not alone at all.