I know I am going to regret posting this but I feel so alone right now and seriously have noone to talk to and noone who i think will understand. (I am also kind of embarrassed by all of this). I have been married only 45 days and I already feel completely exhausted. DH and I aren't fighting, but we aren't really getting along either and I don't know why. I try talking to him but I get nowhere. The entire time we dated and were engaged we were a great couple, everything was so wonderful and easy. All of a sudden we get married and everything falls apart. This past weekend my mom, sister and cousin were talking about how in love DH and I are and how lucky we are.. they have no idea how miserable i have felt lately. I feel like I am letting them down as well as myself and DH. I dont really know what to do. Or even really what is wrong with us. I can't talk to my mom about this because she is not the type to listen and provide advice, I feel like she will just judge the situation and get me more upset.
DH and I just havent had fun together or laughed together or really said anything nice for the past few weeks. He has been working long hours and I have been sick, but it is still not us. I tried talking to him about all of this last night but he fell asleep in the middle of the conversation and it just got me so angry. He called me a few minutes ago with an attitude and I ended up hanging up on him bc I am at work and can not handle it at the moment. This is not like us at all. We never fought I love him so much but right now im happier when hes not home and Im not sure what to do. I really wanted to surprise him and do something nice for him so yesterday I booked a mini vacation I knew he wanted to go on and he wasnt even that excited. I felt so let down.
I am 99% sure i am the only one feeling like this right now, I know it should be a fun and exciting time for us and its just the complete opposite. I can't explain why we are like this and i feel like I am failing at just about everything at the moment
Thanks for listening.
flairforfashion
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
Posted by MrsKtoBe sometimes it makes you feel more like business partners than friends.
I couldn't agree more. A very wise businessman aka my former boss told me that marriage was about combining wealth. LOL. But yea, I mean it's all about talking about money, bills, house, kids, family, work, food, gas. LOL. I mean, it's crazy. Never thought that this would be married life. But the best thing to do is to not be so serious all the time. I let all that go out the window. I think it's more enjoyable when you have fun and focus on eachother instead of all the serious stuff all the time. LOL, I actually have a weekly schedule that explains when to discuss money and bills. Yes, odd but true....
Tomlaur0808
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
I think each one of us has had something they can can relate to like this. Knowing going into our wedding that once we were married I was going to be out of a job had already put some stress on things - but I tried to stay optimisitc in the hopes I'd find another job. I still have not & it's very frustrating. I have had to cut WAY back on things that I normally do - my gym membership, getting my nails done 1x a month instead of 2, little things that I would buy for the holidays for our home that in the past were never an issue b/c I was working a good job w/ a decent salary. Now Im on unemployment which is basically bupkis & sometimes DH & I will bark at each other b/c the lights were left on or the heat is too high - all b/c of me not having a job so things are now much tighter financially. I get really depressed some days & dont even feel like getting up or even doing anything around the house - which gets DH upset b/c he's never seen me this way...it's a really HUGE adjustment & I really try to recognize when Im feeling this way & try to do something about it.
You're most defnitely not a failure - it's just that people/couples dont realize that things change once you get married. DH & I were living together 5 1/2 years before we got married - & even now still some things are new & different. There are times where I really want to say something to him b/c he is so frustrating - but I try to say things when I am in a positive frame of mind...but...lol...it doesnt ALWAYS work...hehe
The main reason why couples break up is because they've lost the reason why they ended up together...always think about the things that brought you & DH together.
This too shall pass my dear - just look for the silver lining on the gray clouds & it will appear when you least expect it.
MLAngelo
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
I have been in a funk myself, I can't say it shows between DH and I but thats because we only see each other 2-4 days a week, so its kind of unusual. But on the days he is gone in particular I am so out of it and depressed. I really do believe in post wedding blues. You spend a year or more looking forward to something and now its gone.
Since we decided to get the puppy I am so much better actually, its like its given me something new to look forward to and plan for.
Maybe your mini-vaca will be like that for you.
As for him not being excited, maybe he is so stressed out with work and long hours he can't focus on that right now or worries about taking off.
JennyAPH
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
Thanks so much everyone .. I dont feel so alone anymore and now im more confident that DH and I will be just fine. I really do believe its a mixture of post wedding blues, and the fact that I am putting too much pressure on the whole 'wedding bliss' idea. I am going to go talk to him now since we have some free time and hopefully accomplish something. If not then maybe try and do something romantic or fun this weekend.
DonnaPWhite1124
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
Im sorry youre going through this Jenny
One thing I remind myself is the vows that I took. For better or worse, good times and in bad. Kinda makes me feel better if DH and I get into a tif or an argument or if we've been fighting all day.
Its not easy. But it will pass.
LadyDuda81509
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
just wanted to add the guys usually dont get excited for things like we girls do!
or maybe its me, but our wedding i was excited for it from day 1 (obvi) but i litterally could jump for joy ever second...DH would just be its soo far away... even a week before i was going out of my mind with excitement, i asked him and hes like 'ill be excited on the day' what?! ugh got me so annoyed!
some people just dont show their excitment the way we want them to! soo i am positive your DH is excited about the mini vacation you have planed! but hes just not showing it the way you want him to! you want him to jump for joy like you would if he planned it... lol
everything will be just fine...
how did the talk go?
JennyAPH
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
Posted by LadyDuda81509
just wanted to add the guys usually dont get excited for things like we girls do!
or maybe its me, but our wedding i was excited for it from day 1 (obvi) but i litterally could jump for joy ever second...DH would just be its soo far away... even a week before i was going out of my mind with excitement, i asked him and hes like 'ill be excited on the day' what?! ugh got me so annoyed!
some people just dont show their excitment the way we want them to! soo i am positive your DH is excited about the mini vacation you have planed! but hes just not showing it the way you want him to! you want him to jump for joy like you would if he planned it... lol
everything will be just fine...
how did the talk go?
Yeah you are right.. he better be freaking excitied I planned a vacation for a beer festival bc I knew he would love it
We didnt really talk. I tried a little but he had nothing to really say back and I was frustrated so I gave up and went to bed. Think im just going to leave it alone for now maybe it will work itself out.
MrsCastanedain09
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
So glad I found this topic!
You're definitely NOT alone. DH and I had a HUGE blow out this weekend and it was a tough conversation....we both came to the conclusion that it was going to take some work. It takes work to keep that fire burning and I guess we thought that being newlyweds would be enough.
We have had some horrible fights. Horrible, there have been times when we have also wondered if we did the right thing. I think this is normal and it's getting through these difficult periods that makes you stronger as a couple.
You guys will be fine and thank you for posting this. I thought I was all alone too
gina409
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
jen im so sorry u r going through this
im sure this is much more common than we all think
im sure its just a combo of him working and u being sick
you guys got married for a reaon..because you r in ove and want to be wth each oter..dont forget that
once all this stress blows over you will see how happy you guyscan be,everyoe goes through a rough patch could be 5 days after the wedding or 5 years
i think the mini vaca is a greta idea and even if he dont seem excited now,its prob cause he is jst stressed,i think it will really help
i hope u feel better and pease fm me anytime if u want to talk
Lisa909
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
Oh oney I'm sorry Marriages are never easy and they all take work.....you got married for a reason. You just hit a rough spot but everything will work out.
AND you're an amazing wife going on a trip to a beer festival!!!!!!!!!!!!
JennyAPH
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
Posted by Lisa909
Oh oney I'm sorry Marriages are never easy and they all take work.....you got married for a reason. You just hit a rough spot but everything will work out.
AND you're an amazing wife going on a trip to a beer festival!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks lisa
John and his stupid beer obsession
MrsDtoBe09
Posted:
Member since
Re: I feel like such a failure..
Oh Jenny, I'm so sorry to hear this but I bet it's something that MANY newlyweds go through. Maybe you've gotten too into a routine and you need to change things up - do a weeknight date night or something you don't normally do together to hopefully bring you closer.
