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I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

BKtoLI Posted:

I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

My own MOH (who is my 1st cousin) stiffed me.

BUT here's the whole deal....
1. She made my whole wedding process miserable
2. Dropped the ball numerous times with my shower, (although I will say she barely managed to pull it off with my parents & her mother's help)
3. She gave me attitude on my wedding day, so much so, that EVERYONE in the room noticed it and she had to be put in her place by my hair & makeup people
4. She added her son onto the RSVP even though we had only invited her and her DH
5. She didn't help me at all but when someone else helped me, complained about it

Now I know her and her DH are financially strapped, but I am shocked that they couldn't even scrape up $2.50 for a card. I would have accepted an empty card, because I understand.

Considering all this how should I bother wording her thank you? Just thank her for sharing our day? Because right now I don't even want to talk to her and one of my BMs for all the crap they put me through.
ssdbk Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

ok, here is what I would do (and what I did with similar situations and my own wedding). First, do not think about writing her thank you just yet. There are other people who deserve to have theirs written ahead of hers. Then, when it is time to write one, keep it simple and thank her for sharing your day. Mail it out real quick and don't give yourself anytime to give it more thought. Then, see her only when you have to! I honestly had no idea, from your ceremony, that things had bene so tense that day. You looked great. I only found out after the fact, that your MOH was so ridiculous. And, there is a small possibility that she sent you something. We did get registry gifts after we got back from our HM.

babybug631 Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

I wouldn't send her a thank you. For what, being a biatch? If she couldn't even buy you a card, I would return the favor.

Happybride2005 Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

i'm in the same boat. when we were going through the cards, i was missing my sister's. i asked her about it. i wanted to make sure it wasn't lost.. she said she forgot her checkbook. i saw her the next day and still nothing. i got the card in nov. she says i know i owe u a gift. almost 8 months later nothing. dh isn't happy about it

JanuaryBride06 Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

Don't think about a thank you yet - you never know if she'll send a gift (seriously, you never know). In the month after our wedding, we received several gifts from people who forgot to bring it to the wedding.

If by the end of the month she still hasn't acknowledged your wedding with at least a card, and youwant to send a thank you, just keep it a brief thanks for being part of our day.

M&S Sept12006 Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

Oh my goodness Janna...Im so sorry you had to go through this! DO NOT WASTE the ink in your pen and a stamp for her card! She doesnt deserve it!!!!!!!!!

hocus Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

Why would you send a thank you? She hasn't really done anything to deserve it.


Another thing to consider several of our bridal party didn't give us gifts at our wedding, but over time we've received gifts from them.
waterspout4 Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

My MOH (my sister) also dropped the ball many times. And I did not receive a gift from her. She didn't get a thank you.

Mrs. dleeny Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

I totally relate. my MOH and SISTER stiffed us too, no card either. and unlike your MOH, my sis and her DH and pretty well off financially.... which of course makes it worse.

and to top it all off... they got marrid 6 yrs ago and I was extremely generous with her gift.

all I have to say is
BlondeJD Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

My MOH didn't give us a gift either and she also kind of dropped the ball with both my shower and the bachelorette party. It's been nearly a year and still no gift or acknowledgement that she didn't give us anything, even a card. I've tried to get over it, but to be honest, it's really difficult even though we still speak quite frequently. I still sent her a thank you and she never mentioned that she'd received it, probably because she feels bad about not having gotten us a gift. In your case, i wouldn't send a TY to her. I only sent them to non-gifters because my DH made me. My thinking is that their 'thank you' was the favor they received at our wedding (which cost about $15pp).

Goldi1021 Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

We had one person who did not give us a gift and we sent a thank you for his presence. The next time he saw DH, he apologized and hasn't given us the gift yet but for some reason I think he will.

However, I do know your situation. I did see your MOH that day and she didn't crack one smile the entire time. And if my DH noticed that, then it was really apparent. Giving her ink and paper recognition would be way too generous on your part. Im sorry but she gave you a lot of aggravation.
Bunnymonkey Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

don't send her a card.

snowflake Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

Unfortunately, I can completely relate. My BM (ironically, also my cousin) was a no-show to my shower, left the reception early and never gave us a gift (she did send us a card but only after she had our TY for a couple of weeks).

I was disappointed, too. When all is said and done, it's a poor reflection of her and she has to live with her actions. I've tried to contact her since our wedding via phone and email but she's ignored the messages. I know I did nothing wrong.

Something tells me it's plain old JEALOUSY that describes people's outlandish behavior. Think about it, is your MOH unhappily single, broke or pissed off? She's just taking it out on you and that's HER PROBLEM, not yours.

PS My BM had her wedding a few months after mine. She and her MOH got into such a huge fight that the MOH quit the bridal party and didn't come to the wedding. While I would never wish anything bad one someone ... I have to admit, it's ironic she got a taste of her own hellish behavior.
suven Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

I wouldn't send a thank you card.

I didn't send a thank you card to my BM from hell, and she actually did give us a (small) gift.

But, because of all her drama, I refused to send her any sort of 'thank you' because she doesn't deserve it.
beautyq115 Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

Sorry to intrude on the Newlywed Board..BUT Janna do not send her a thank you....you have nothing to thank her for....she made you miserable!
kathrynlinton Posted:

Re: I know this issue has been discussed before, but how do I handle this one??

SIL and BIL did this with us. They were both in our wedding. She didn't contribute anything to the shower (no gift then either), she mooched off of everyone at the bachlorette party and they both drove us nuts with getting their attire and wanting to bring their FOUR MONTH OLD to the reception.

They didn't give us a gift. She keeps saying that they have a 'joke' gift for us. We've seen them a bunch of times since then and still no gift.

They are the ONLY people who didn't give us a gift.

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